LENA HORNE Sings Moon River

Argh that was - urgh I hate to say it - beautiful.

I need yet another CD. Sigh. My life is a series of unfulfilled CD wishes.

Playlist blues

If I am what I listen to, then I shouldn't be sitting in t-shirt and shorts in the sweltering heat of 11pm Singapore. I should probably be dressed in slinky cocktail dress, smudged mascara, tossing a few in my dimmed New York penthouse in the middle of the night, utterly destitute and desperate, thinking of my (various) failed relationship(s).

Here are a few high (hehehe) points in my playlist:

- Sorry seems to be the hardest word, Joe Cocker. You might think you don't know this song, but it goes What do I have to do to make you love me / What do I have to do to make you care... Yeah, you see.

- Till it happens to you, Corrine Bailey Rae. I used to hear those violins playing high strings like a symphony / Now they're gone away / Nobody wants to know the truth / Till their hearts' broken...

- How can you mend a broken heart, Michael Buble. How can you mend this broken man? / How can a loser ever win?

- The party's over, Nat King Cole. The party's over / It's time to call it a day / Now you must wake up, all dreams must end.

- Only the lonely, Frank Sinatra. And never let love go / For when it's gone you'll know the loneliness / The heartbreak only the lonely know.

Sigh. I want a penthouse.

miserableness

I hate being sick :( When I'm miserable I don't stop whining. I think I make a very lousy patient.

Channelling the blonde

Ya, sometimes I'm kinda bimbotic?

Me: I really wanna buy eye shadow... cos they're colourful and stuff.

Friend commented on the bimbotic-ness of above statement.

Same friend asked: So you really rejected XX company's job offer?
Me: Well... I said no, but actually I meant yes, and they should know that and contact me when I'm feeling better.

Hmmm maybe I was just channelling the female there.

I get a tremendous kick out of Cute Overload as well. I visit the damn site every single day. Strangely enough, I found a Soviet posters site today and I seem to get as much of a kick out of a poster featuring Castro & Khruschev as I would from smooshy puppies and kittens.

I also have an automatic perfume-shopping response that kicks in whenever I enter a departmental store. Hmmm.

Sometimes I think that the only way I know I'm not a bimbo is cos there's an inner voice, this really true, deep and intense voice that wails in despair everytime I act bimbotic. Like, really sadly it cries. Like the rain. Yeah. I like poetry.

Also, check out the huge controversy raging in the UK over the (in)appropriateness of kissing. I'm Asian, and that means there's only a small, select group that I kiss - my soft toys, my LSB, sometimes my mum if it's a big occasion, my soft toys. But I've totally been in that situation, and have been supremely uncomfortable. Kiss or handshake? How many kisses? How do I not cringe away from slurpy kisses? When will this hug end? How do I not get the cooties? Yeah, like, totally.

Men...

http://perfumesmellinthings.blogspot.com/2007/02/from-mouths-of-husbands-true-thoughts.html

I never really believed all the guy stereotypes you hear. But why does the evidence accumulate like this? Are all men truly like LSB? Is there no hope left?

Scariness...

I've been watching scary anime... *cries* I really shouldn't have, but it's all cos I was bored doing LSB's stupid interview! *points accusing finger at LSB*

And then the 1st few episodes were full of suspense and mystery, I just couldn't stop watching because I Had To Find The Answers!

But the whole thing was just so full of gore! Like people being dismembered, disembowelled while conscious, stabbed, beaten to death etc! And people acting weirdly for no reason! And disappearing! And coming back to life after being murdered and buried!

I got so scared I kept MSNing people, who Promptly Ignored Me And Laughed At Me. Hmmpf! Well, if you ever get stalked by a cleaver-wielding psycho, don't come to me. I'll just ignore you and laugh at you too. Same goes for other psycho-stalker variations, eg. cannibalistic stalkers, gun-wielding, torture device-wielding, sinisterly-laughing, seemingly omniscient or omnipotent psychos. Oh, and I'm ignoring you even if all you have is a creepy feeling that you're being watched. Hah! Serves you all right!

I've also been watching animes with interesting formats. There's one where the episodes are broadcast in non-chronological order, so you get to see the 'last' episode somewhere in the middle, and the last episode broadcast is something that happens in the middle of the story. But somehow it all makes sense.

Current scary anime has main characters killing each other and dying violently and mysteriously, then coming back again in a slightly different world and dying/killing in different ways. Though again if you sit through it long enough, you get more clues in each 'arc' and then you finally understand the whole darn thing. It is tremendously satisfying to finally(!!!!!) understand what the hell just happened in the last 20+ episodes that you watched.

Argh last night was so scary, I scrambled into bed and under the covers, but struggled against sleep because... who knows what might happen if I fall asleep........ *sobz* I actually stayed awake through 6-7 tracks on my mp3. (yes, I was playing music to soothe my nerves, but I also had a long debate myself as to whether it was better to stop the music so I wouldn't miss any strange noises in the dark...)

But it's better tonight, because I finally understand what happened! yayness! It's still gross and sick, but I'm no longer (as) afraid!

Frank Sinatra - In The Wee Small Hours of the Morning

more dreams

Last night I dreamt that I was in a rowboat at this huge lake that looked like a swimming pool. And the water was swimming pool-clear, so I could see a HUGE crocodile - it was bigger than my boat! - lying at the bottom of the lake! And there were other crocodiles in the lake as well! And dolphins too! And the dolphins kept butting my boat wanting to play, but I was terrified I'd capsize, and I was terrified the huge crocodile at the bottom of the lake would notice and swim towards me...

Anywayz.

That dream reminded me of another dream I had some time ago. There was a huge lake in the hills behind my house, and there were people playing in it. I waded in with my clothes on, and when it got too deep I swam. And I went as far as I could till finally I'd left the noise behind. Floating in the water, I could only hear the wind and the leaves on the bank, and there was only water around me, and the sun was setting. It was so peaceful and calm, it was like an almost-nirvana experience. And it felt so cathartic to wade out to the middle of a lake in my clothes on a whim. I've never experienced anything like that in real life, so I'd dearly like to go back to that lake again.

Sighz.

Of course after that I realised that it was getting dark and most of the people had left the lake. So I waded out of the lake and made my miserable, drenched way home through the hills. Then I discovered that the paths were covered with little red, green and yellow snakes, and it was impossible to avoid stepping on them. So I squashed millions of those snakes and hoped to hell none of them would bite me. Urgh.

Argh! I just remembered another dream I had last night! A family went on a vacation to hell (literally), which looked like this huge dim underground city with escalators everywhere and (!!!!) an MRT system. Then they were tricked into eating something (a la Persephone) and couldn't leave the place. And there was stuff about time travel to undo the unfortunate ingestion, but no matter how they tried, they could manage to save the parents, but couldn't prevent the kid from eating the food! And it was really difficult, because they couldn't just go back and tell themselves not to eat (you can't meet your past self whilst time-travelling else the universe would collapse), so they had to try to prevent food from reaching their past selves without letting their past selves see them!

Maybe I should write a book based on these huh.

I have strange dreams.

My dreams last night included:

1. A blindfolded archery performance where the objective was not to shoot the apple on a person's head but to shoot the person's forehead. And amazingly enough, after each successful shot, the 'victim' pulls the arrow out of his dented forehead and smiles.

2. A big shopping mall which houses a night market with thousands of exotic small fish.

3. A museum set up by a vengeful actress to detail her turbulent marriage to some guy, and the museum was stocked with arcade games.

4. A small child who survived an explosion, but as a result, could only use 1 of her 5 senses at any one time.

5. A lizard that had been treated as a pet for so long, it started looking like a dog. It grew to poodle-size, grew fur, and had a tendency to bark, beg and wag its tail. However, it retained its lizard tail, albeit covered with fur, and we were always afraid its tail would drop off when it wagged too hard. It also liked to sit on people's shoulders.

The last nightmare I had was about vampires. They were attacking us, and you couldn't kill them except by thoroughly burning them. I was attacked in my house, and resorted to burning the vampires on the stove. It was so nightmarish. :( Pushing the screaming vampires on the stove and making sure they continued burning... And the vampire bodies waiting to be burnt kept stacking up beside me, and they kept waking up and trying to eat me. :(

We're all Anne Franks now.

I was reading the latest entry on riverbendblog.

How is it that a border no one can see or touch stands between car bombs, militias, death squads and… peace, safety? It’s difficult to believe- even now.

I sit here and write this and wonder why I can’t hear the explosions.I wonder at how the windows don’t rattle as the planes pass overhead. I’m trying to rid myself of the expectation that armed people in black will break through the door and into our lives. I’m trying to let my eyes grow accustomed to streets free of road blocks, hummers and pictures of Muqtada and the rest…

How is it that all of this lies a short car ride away?

While reading I couldn't shake the sense that I've read something like this before, a long time ago. Not the same, but similar. Then I realised.

another round!

LSB's been nice to me lately, so people, think nice thoughts of him!

Also, something's wrong. Dear world, I'm ungainfully unemployed. This means I'm supposed to be wondering what I'm supposed to do all day and tearing my hair out with boredom, thus leading to premature balding, thus prompting a job search to end my follicular frustrations. Do you follow my impeccable logic, world? However, something's wrong. I'm busy. And tired. So tired that I'm conking out on the sofa at 8pm (!!!!!) and waking at midnight. To work. To work!!!!! This is unheard of. And wrong. What's the point of being unemployed nowadays? What happened to my rights as an ungainfully unemployed person? I shall not let this rest, mark my words.

But dear world, if you really can't manage a proper unemployed life for me, I'll settle for an evil smooshy-faced kitten instead.

Let the people write their laws! : The democratic potential of the Internet

NZ police let public write laws
New Zealanders have been given the chance to write their own laws, with a new online tool launched by police.

virtual freedom

Burma cyber-dissidents crack censorship
Burma's bloggers are using the internet to beat censorship, and tell the world what is happening under the military junta's veil of secrecy.

Then again,

Burmese riot police attack monks

The latest is, I think, that tear gas has been used.

Well, what did you expect? It was sooner or later.

The hype a while ago was all about the ASEAN Charter and the human rights component, now it's all about monks in Burma. Either a watered down ASEAN Charter or (against all odds) a strong Charter that is largely ignored. The world's a sad place. :(

blah-ness

I took sleepy meds and waiting for them to kick in.

I found my old appointment card! From 1984! When I was a baby!

It was issued by the Royal Aberdeen Children's Hospital!

My doctor was called Dr White!

I had an appointment at 11.15am, 14 Mar 1984!

Hmmm I wonder what the appointment was for...

Funny thing is the card reads "Bring this card with you on every visit. NEVER destroy it."

Hehehe I wonder what they'd think if they knew my parents took those instructions literally. I wonder what they'd think if I flew over and made an appointment and brought that card along. I wonder who Dr White was, whether he's still there, and what my appointment was for. Maybe the hospital isn't even there anymore.

It's so exciting! I don't remember anything of my time in the UK, and every little relic of that long-ago life is kind of like the archaelogical find of the century to me.

When I first discovered Google Earth the first thing I did was to find the house my parents lived in when I was born.

.... ok medicine just kicked in.

Coming out

The 'coming out' letter of gay RI teacher Otto Fong is probably the most touching, courageous piece of writing I've read in a long time. One can only imagine the pressure he must feel now.

And in a little aside, by now it must be manifestly clear to all that making someone delete his blog post doesn't mean the article disappears. It's the Internet. Du-uh.

Sigh I'm unexpectedly free because stupid LSB cancelled on me.

China's Internet

Chinese web filtering 'erratic'

China's firewall that tries to sanitise web browsing is much more porous than previously thought, says a study.

The firewall was least effective when lots of Chinese web users were online.

It's already known that self-censorship, not Chinese censorship technology, is what plays the major role in curtailing controversial discussions online. And if technology is least effective in its censorship when more people are using the Net, then what happens when increasing numbers start going online?

In the 15 Jun 2006 edition of the Economist, an article talks about how PRC propaganda has become less effective because of the Internet. I remember an example of this, something about people participating in an online poll to evaluate a government official's remarks.

I also remember posting a link on this blog about John Howard's Youtube video asking people to refrain from protesting at the recent APEC summit. Which is sort of funny? I don't know, it's just strange to think of a PM posting his own Youtube video alongside bored university students posting videos of themselves doing stupid things. (maybe it's a case of a paranoid PM posting a video of himself doing a stupid thing) It's almost irreverent, somehow. Or maybe I'm just stuck in the old Singaporean mindset of politics as a serious and dignified profession. Hmmm I need to immerse myself in talkingcock a bit more. Or maybe I need to focus on the image of the Taiwanese parliament. Or Bush Jr's face.

Wasn't I talking about China? I need to stop rambling. *yawnz*

Descartes and Spinoza

This is all LSB's fault. *blames boyfriend indiscriminately*

I've been reading:

- Roger Scruton's A Short History of Modern Philosophy: From Descartes to Wittgenstein, 2nd ed.
- Joan A. Price's Philosophy Through the Ages

I'm not a philo person, even though I must say I'm very attracted to philo books, largely because they tend to be on the extreme end of incomprehensible. I've studied some philosophers before, but largely in context of political thought or political ideology, hardly conducive to the mind-numbing finger-gnawing zen state I wish to achieve. My knowledge of philosophy is very very rudimentary.

So I've decided to study them philosophers a bit more systematically, starting with Descartes. I'm giving the ancients a wide berth because (and this is my own theory) they're so distant and difficult to relate to.

I've made it through Descartes & Spinoza, and for the sake of consolidation, have (largely) paraphrased what I have learnt below. I don't know if I've understood everything perfectly, and would appreciate (if any of you make it through) any corrections.

Ok *deep breath* let's do this before I get lazy.

Descartes

The starting point: take nothing for granted.

- What if an evil genius had deceived me into thinking what I think?
- If such a genius exists, then I don't know if this world is real, or if I am myself real.
- How can I know the truth? I cannot trust my senses. I can only trust the 'natural light of reason'.

'Cogito ergo sum.'

- What can I ascertain is necessarily true?
- To start with, the moment I think 'I exist', I must necessarily exist. The thought 'I exist' is self-verifying because I have to exist in order to think that thought.
- It is also necessarily true that I think. For even if I think that I don't think, in that very act of doubt, I am thinking.

Distinction between Body and Soul (Mind)

- I know that I exist as a thing that thinks.
- I find that every other thing about me can change except my ability to think. I cannot conceive of myself as not thinking, but my body can grow old, or I can lose a leg or my sight.
- Therefore my body is not of essence to me; my mind is my essence.
- Therefore I could conceivably exist (as a 'soul') after my body has ceased.
- Therefore, I am a substance which involves thinking; I endure through change. But my physical form is an attribute which can change without altering the substance.

God: The Cosmological Argument

- Something cannot come from nothing; more cannot come from less. Ideas are effects and have causes.
- I do not have perfect knowledge because I doubt. Therefore I am imperfect. Yet I have the idea of perfection (God).
- Where did my idea of perfection come from? My idea of perfection is an effect of something. There must be a cause of this idea of perfection.
- The idea of perfection cannot come from my imperfect self. The idea of perfection must come from perfection, i.e. God.

The Honest God

- Since God is perfect, and since intuitively, we know that deceit stems from imperfection, we know that God cannot be the evil genius we hypothesized earlier.
- Since God does not seek to deceive us, this means that if we use our reason and our senses (given to us by God for that very purpose) to their greatest ability, we will perceive the truth.

Objections to Descartes

The Existence of Error

- If God does not deceive, why does he allow the possibility of error?
- Descartes' answer: Error occurs when we choose to assent to an idea that is not the perceived through the 'natural light of reason'.
- Scruton: "Human error is therefore the necesary consequence of human freedom, and this seeming evil is part of a real and greater good." (33)

The Evil Genius Objection (The Cartesian circle)

- If the perfect God exists, then we know that our God-given faculty of reason will lead us to the truth. However, we only 'know' that the perfect God exists through our faculty of reason. Our conclusion that God exists depends on the reliability of our reason, which depends on God existing in the first place.

The Mind-Body Problem

- If the mind and body are separate, how do they interact with each other? How is it that the mind and body are joined in one person? ie. what is to prevent mind and body from going their own separate ways?
- Descartes: the soul is joined to the whole body through the pineal gland.
- But how can the non-physical mind be joined to the body through a physical gland? Doesn't this return to the question of how the mind can be connected to the physical body (or part of it)?

The First-Person Privilege

- Descartes assumes that while I cannot be sure of the world around me, I have a privileged knowledge of what I think and feel. My mind thinks exactly what it thinks it thinks. Is this necessarily true?

The Illusion of the Idea of Perfection

- Do we truly have an idea of perfection? Or do we merely have an idea of the 'extremely good' or 'extremely desirable'? What does perfection mean?

Spinoza

Substance

- Spinoza was a descendant of Descartes (who was in turn a descendant of Aristotle).
- Recall Descartes' arguments about 'substance'
- Spinoza argued that a substance is entirely self-contained. It depends on nothing outside itself for its existence; it is not caused by anything, but is its own cause.
- Therefore, only God is a substance, for God is his own cause (causa sui).

God: Thought and Extension

- Spinoza argues that God is a substance with infinite attributes, and all God's attributes are infinite. Hence all attributes are attributes of God's. These include the attributes of 'extension' in space (matter) and thought.
- While God might have attributes besides extension and thought, because we are finite, we can only know these two attributes of God.
- Because both thought and extension are attributes of God, we can comprehend God through thought and extension.

God and Nature

- When we comprehend God through extension, we understand him as 'Nature'. When we comprehend God through thought, we know him as 'God'. Because both thought and extension each constitute the essence of God, each "present[s] to the intellect a full and adequate [clearly & distinctly true] idea of what God is." (Scruton, 51)
- God and Nature are the same.

Solving Descartes' Mind-Body Problem

- Since thought and extension are both essences of God, there is no difference between them.
- Our finite minds are part of God's infinite thought, and our finite bodies are part of God's infinite extension.
- Thus we are but expressions of God.
- Thus my mind is the same as my body.
- I perceive my mind and body to be different only because the modes of thought and extension present me with different pictures. When I use the mode of thought to understand myself, I perceive myself as 'mind'; when I use the mode of extension, I perceive myself as 'body'.
- Scruton's analogy: "When I look at a picture I see physical objects: patches of pigment smeared on a canvas. And I can describe these objects so thoroughly as to account for the entire picture. ... the other thing I see: a stag hunt passing before a country house. This too I could describe so thoroughly as to give a complete account of the picture. But the two accounts are incommensurable... I cannot describe the lead hound as frantically pursuing a patch of ochre." (53)

The Problem of Free Will

- Since both thought and matter stem from the divine substance (God), everything happens not by chance but by necessity.
- Thoughts must relate to each other in a series of logical, necessary steps. (eg. mathematical proofs)
- Matter too, must relate to each other in a necessary sequence. Events follow each other ina necessary sequence.
- The implication for humans is that, being mere expressions of God, we too are the effects and not causes, as are our actions and thoughts. Since only God is able to 'cause', we are not able to cause anything, and therefore it would seem that we have no free will.
- If there is no freedom to act or think differently, the idea of morality collapses. To judge someone as good or bad, one must believe that that person could have caused himself to act differently.

Spinoza's Freedom

- Spinoza argues that the distinction between free/unfree is not the same as that between caused/uncaused.
- To react in an emotional way is to react passively because we endure emotions. When I am passive I am therefore not free.
- Since the mode of thought and the mode of extension correspond to each other, for every adequate idea (thought), there is an ideatum (extension).
- Thus it makes sense that a person who is more physically active has more adequate ideas of his behaviour and the causes of his behaviour.
- A free person is one who masters his emotions (passivity) and has adequate ideas about the world. He understands the world better, and thus understands God better.
- The free person who masters his passions understands the world and thus grows to love it. Since the world is God, he also loves God, not in a passive emotional way, but in an intellectual way.
- Thus the way to happiness and freedom is through the refinement of the intellect and the mastery of emotions.

I definitely died while trying to get through Spinoza. Sighz.

productive day!

I managed to wake at 9am!

I practised both the piano and the violin! The violin especially, since I fully expect to have to retake my Grade 8 exam.

Completed all the admin stuff I wanted to complete!

Bought mooncakes for LSB's family!

Ascertained that the CD I want can only be found at HMV for the exorbitant price of SGD35!

Tortured myself and the apple of my eye and pearl on my palm for a full half hour!

Read secondary literature on Descartes and finally got down to a more systematic study of the history of mental acrobatics!

Researched the UN Secretary-General so as to better spoonfeed my tuition kid!

Managed to listen to Sibelius Violin Concerto D minor!

Planned my schedule for tomorrow!

Damn, you know, usually I only get one of these done each day.

蔡琴 不了情 新不了情 蔡琴不了情2007經典歌曲香港演唱會

You've gotta admit, the older singers have that something extra.

spoilt brat

Argh I'm acquiring expensive tastes.

I've fallen in love with a perfume that costs $148 for the smallest bottle (30ml). Sure, Sisley's Eau du Soir might make people sneeze, and everyone else seems to hate the scent, but I really really like it. I've no idea why. It's something about how the scent lingers on... sighz.

And gone are the days when I think spending more than 30 on shoes is splurging. I spent 65 on a pair of rubber slippers! 65! Rubber slippers! 65! Rubber slippers! I could repeat that endlessly and it still wouldn't make sense to me. 65 (!) and rubber slippers (!) just don't go together.

And I bought a pair of painful heels for 90! 90! 90!

Shoe shopping now takes place at departmental stores. And I was *this* close to buying flats for 80 bucks today.

Help me! Maybe I should just get married and live off my poor sad husband :(

police monitor figurine protest

Mwahahaha stole these links from LSB's blog.

Anime figurine protesters meet real police

「ODEX倒す！！」: The Making Of

Our drill will thrust through the heavens!

Then again, the figurine protesters are really scary and have superpowers and all, so maybe the police were just erring on the side of caution hehehe...

Bianca Ryan from America's Got Talent

Youtube

Howard posts YouTube Apec appeal
Australian Prime Minister John Howard has posted a video on YouTube appealing to people not to join violent protests during the Apec summit in Sydney.

chanting

From Mark Kaplan's blog:

‘Song,’ of course, is associated also with expression; to sing is to utter or vocalise – a conscious articulation. Chaunt is something altogether more incantatory, mantric, rote-like. There is something properly mindless about chanting, hence its use in religion, ritual and magic – one cedes the initiative to a word or formula not yours. The momentum of the chant seems to overtake and then take in the individuals who began it. So too does the chant reverse the relation between ‘inner’ and ‘outer’ implied in ‘expression’. That is, whereas ‘expression’ is conceived as the inner made outer, something like a chant begins by emptying out the ‘wilfulness’ of expression in deference to some older word or doctrine.

Damn I wish I'd thought of that on my own.

And 'song' and 'chant' is the difference between the pop star on the stage and his screaming fans below. The pop star is quintessentially personality - personality magnified beyond the person. The pop star is more than the person. Whereas his fans give up their personality in imitation and worship. The pop star expresses personality, but his fans surrender theirs to the personality on-stage. The pop star sings (even if he sings badly), but his fans can only chant.

Does this make sense? Or is this because it's 630am and I've no idea where the night went?

War

At 2 in the morning I discovered hundreds of small, black larvae wriggling in the corner of my bathroom, and I got rid of them.

Afterwards, I made some amusing comparisons and composed a blog entry in my head. I would draw an interesting parallel between my ordeal and the effects of war on soldiers.

Oh it would be entertaining. I'd talk about how I'd gone from reluctantly executing a distasteful task to screaming war cries at the worms. I'd talk about how, instead of making the killing as clean as possible, I had resorted to chemical warfare to dislodge the stubborn ones, using the most dangerous liquid I could find in my bathroom, mouthwash. I'd even dub the mouthwash Agent Blue. I wondered what my boyfriend, who knows well how I hate killing things, would think, and I considered including a 'soldier returns to lover a different person' skit.

I'd make it all witty and humorous and entertaining. Then I thought, how easy it is to compare a war with the de-worming of my bathroom! And suddenly, I lost all appetite for humour.

where angels fear to tread

There's only one author whom I refuse to pick up again, not because my determination to read has been eroded by boredom or thwarted by difficult prose, but because I don't dare.

A few years ago, I picked up a collection of short stories by Tennessee Williams. Less than 100pgs in, I almost threw the book away, and I'd be a fool if I attempted again. I'll pick my battles thank you, and I'd like one without the emotional scars.

Damn he's good.

like my mum

Ho hum. I never knew how powerful this genes thing was. I'm exactly like my mum.

430am and I discover I forgot to dump the leftovers into the fridge, don't dare to keep them, so I'm trying to stuff myself with a plate of brinjal and a bowl of fish soup even though I'm not sure if that flavour is my mum's unique style of cooking that is almost a philosophy or just plain decompostion.

Hmmm that was a mouthful.

If I fall sick I'll feel really stupid. But it's just not in my genes to cold-bloodedly and deliberately dump a whole plate AND bowl (just think of that!) of food. Even if it's gone bad. Damn these genes.

Also, if LSB would like to inhabit the same world as me, breathe the same air, stroll in the same green fields, roll in the same hay etc, he might like to give me a wake-up call.

Itzhak Perlman (Schindler's List)

This one always gets me everytime. Does anyone else here love his violin?

Different worlds

me: violin exam's at 2pm on thurs, so i hav to practise getting up
early!

LSB: ... u n i, we hav different concepts of time

Someday I'll be part of your world.... *cries*

ASEAN Charter in the news

BBC: Asean agrees on landmark charter

Ministers from South-East Asian countries have reached agreement on a landmark draft charter.

The document gives the Association of South-East Asian Nations (Asean) a set of binding rules for the first time in the bloc's 40-year
existence.

The agreement comes after nearly two years of deliberations among members.

It includes a contentious provision to set up a commission monitoring human rights in the region - despite strong misgivings from some Asean
countries.

...

Diplomatic sources said Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam also had misgivings - fearing human rights probes could result in violations of the group's strict policy of non-interference in each others' affairs.

However the charter is seen as crucial for giving Asean - previously regarded as a mere talk shop - credibility and bargaining power on the world stage.

CNA: ASEAN ministers agree to set up human rights commission

Mr Yeo says: "If there was any disagreement, it's over the actual
language that we use in the Charter. In the end we decided that it's not really the establishment of the human rights body which should be the issue. It's what the body ought to do. That really involves drawing up the terms of reference which all of us can agree to and actually, planning it properly and giving it a life of its own."

Still, Mr Yeo points out that the ministers have also decided that certain things would be left to the leaders to decide.

He says: "The question arises as to how the leaders among themselves will settle disagreements at the highest level, and we as ministers could not be prescribing rules to the leaders because they are a Committee of
Peers. They must decide amongst themselves how to resolve the differences and according to rules they themselves must establish.

"We don't quite know what crisis we will go through in the future, what difficult problems we will face. It is for the leaders, in their own wisdom and depending on their own personal relationship, to work out methods to resolve the differences."

Hmmm. I wouldn't be quite so optimistic yet.

Should we tell Africa about the global economy?

In The Know: Is Our Wealth Hurting Africaâ??s Feelings?

The finest military in the world

US military pondered love not war The US military investigated building a "gay bomb", which would make enemy soldiers "sexually irresistible" to each other, government papers say. Other weapons that never saw the light of day include one to make soldiers obvious by their bad breath.

Tolkien and fingernail moon

Ok, I have resolutely put my copy of LOTR aside, so there won't be any long meandering quotes in this entry. Rest easy.

For years now I have spoken of the 'fingernail moon', the tiny bit of moon so named because it looks exactly like a sliver of white fingernail that's just been cut from the rest of said-nail. For some reason that description freaks my friends out. But I stick to it cos I think it's better than the other image such a moon calls to mind - the sly grin of some astral Cheschire cat. Now that's freaky.

And recently, in my nth reading of the LOTR, I discovered a line that would shake my being to its very foundations. So Tolkien wrote, "a New Moon as thin as a nail-paring."

Tolkien saw the same fingernail moon! He saw the same thing! He's totally my soul-mate, and at about 330am, I SMS-ed my incredibly wondrous discovery to my friend.

How could I not have seen that line before?

I worship Tolkien, I really do. Or rather, I worship his voice. It is often sad, often gentle. It tells a tale that's often cruel, sometimes violent, but it is never itself bitter or harsh. Sometimes it is majestic and splendid and heroic, as memorably, in The Silmarillion, but it is always beautiful. It is not a historian's voice, but a bard's voice, telling tales of faraway with both poetry and loving detail.

I am so in love with Tolkien. And my fingernail moon. Though who knows, perhaps there're hordes of people who've thought the same thought. I read somewhere (I forget where) that one of the principal joys in reading is discovering in someone else's mind what one has oft' thought but ne'er so well expressed. (Ok, I'm mixing up the forgotten quote with Pope's quote on wit if my memory serves me well. Which, presumably, it doesn't.)

Nevertheless, if any of you have looked at a moon and thought it looked like a sliver of fingernail, I welcome you to join ma' man, Tolkien and myself in a somewhat strange community, whose diverse and dispersed members have shared at least one thought.

What the...

I pick up my cell. A lady asks for Elaine in an accent I identify as my friend's fake secretary voice. She's pulled that fake accent on me before, so I gloat and think to myself 'Not this time, you evil friend!'

'Yes, what is this?' I try my best to convey that I am so sick of this, and haven't you anything better to do?

'I am XX from XX bank.'

Oh oh...

'Do you have a moment now?'

I start to waver. 'Er, not really.' Still trying to sound gruff, just in case it's really my friend.

'Ok, I'll call back in the evening. Thanks.'

Oh shit.

Repeat to self a hundred times: My friends are too old to prank call me. My friends are waaaaay too old to prank call me. Dammit we're on the threshold of middle age already! Argh.

$100 laptops

'$100 laptop' production begins
Five years after the concept was first proposed, the so-called $100 laptop is poised to go into mass production. Hardware suppliers have been given the green light to ramp-up production of all of the components needed to build millions of the low-cost machines.

When cats attack

5sf - The American Beauty Experiment, Pts. 1-3

This is totally true. Totally.

Jeszcze Polska nie zginela! (Poland has not yet perished!)

Polish spirit

The Poles have got money and markets out of the EU. But they haven't got an apology. Some Germans feel that without their friendship and aid Poland wouldn't have been allowed in the club so soon. Maybe. But a long-lost brother has returned to the family home, still simmering about a past upset, when the rest of the family has made up and forgotten long ago.

A Star's Tale

As we know, many stars live far far away in the sky. If you look out your window, you will find the star whose story we are about to tell. It is the one twinkling in the top left-hand corner of your window-sky.

This star is a very old, lonely star, and has gazed down upon this earth for longer than any of us can imagine. The star remembers a time when there were no humans; it also remembers when it started to see the two-legged humans. The star recalls an age - a long one - in which darkness meant sleep and rest for humans. It recalls the recent birth of many human stars that shine as brightly as the stars in the sky, and remembers that as the human stars grew in numbers, the humans also started to wake in the night, and no longer slept as long or as often. Instead, in the light of the human stars, the humans laughed and wept and worked and danced with wild abandon. Sometimes the humans also gazed back at the star. The longer the star looked upon the distant and strange humans, the more it grew to love them, for love often grows out of memory, and the star had a long memory indeed.

However, when the sun rises each morning, its bright rays blind the star and the star can see no more, save for a brief instant in the grey light of the dawn, when it gazes its last upon the humans till night arrives again. Each dawn the star glimpses a little of the sort of life humans lead in the day - a girl packing her bag for school, a night watchman glancing at his watch, eager to be home, a bakery alive with delicious smells, roads increasingly crowded with vehicles bringing humans to places that remain unknown to the star.

As the star's love for the humans grew, so did its desire to understand the humans. What did humans do in the day, the star wondered. Why does the schoolgirl bring home sheets of paper that make her so unhappy? What family does the night watchman have? Why does the freshly baked bread disappear everyday? Where do humans go to in the day? The star loved the humans, but it never really knew them, and this made the star sad. It envied the sun, and hated it, and wished that somehow, day could come without the sun's rays, so that it could finally see its beloved humans in the day.

But the laws of nature are not like the laws of humans, which can be broken and paid for in prison-years, or even human lives. Nor are the laws of nature like the laws of children's fairy-tales. In children's fairy-tales love always triumphs, and while unfortunate events do occur, sadness is never eternal. The laws of nature cannot be broken and they care not for love or sad stars, so everyday the sun rises, and everyday the star is blinded. Hence, everyday, the star sheds tears of stardust that streak across the sky like fireworks, and the star lives in an eternity of loneliness, always loving but never knowing.

If some evening, while looking out your window, you spot that star in the top left-hand corner, stand on your toes and stretch your arm as far out of your window as you can, and wiggle your fingers. For while stars live far far away in the sky, every little bit closes the distance between stars and humans. And who knows? If you stretch far enough, you might just touch a lonely star.

Oh justice!

My layman understanding of matters of justice and law. Most of the extracts below (italicised) taken from NYT "In Steps Big and Small, Supreme Court Moved Right":

Fully a third of the court’s decisions, more than in any recent term, were decided by 5-to-4 margins. Most of those, 19 of 24, were decided along ideological lines...

Once again proving that Justice is not blind, but it certainly wears blinkers.

In its most important patent ruling in years, the court tilted away from patent owners and made it easier to find that a patent had been improperly issued for an invention that was “obvious” and therefore undeserving of patent protection.

Finally. The list of patented 'inventions' in the US is a bit too long methinks.

The court made it easier for prosecutors in death penalty cases to remove potential jurors who express ambivalence about the death penalty. Writing for the 5-to-4 majority, Justice Kennedy said appeals courts must defer to a trial judge’s decision on whether a potential juror would be able to overcome qualms about capital punishment and be open to voting to impose a death sentence. The dissenters, in an opinion by Justice Stevens that Justices Souter, Ginsburg and Breyer also joined, said this set the disqualification bar too low and would skew juries toward those most likely to vote for death.

Hmmm... On one hand a person who is, in principle, opposed to the death penalty has no place in a jury deciding whether a defendant should receive the death penalty. On the other hand, we're talking about ambivalence towards the death penalty. My gut feeling is that any person who is violently opposed to the death penalty would be disqualified without much controversy. So the question is whether this results in a tendency to disqualify those who merely feel hanging someone is distasteful (which is, I must add, the proper and normal human reaction), meaning that you end up with the probability of having a jury of rednecks who're too ready to bay for blood. (Yes yes... stereotypes! I admit!) I tend to lean liberal on the death penalty, and therefore the prospect of a jury of rednecks terrifies me. You see what secondary school Lit does to you? (I'm looking at you, Harper Lee.) I don't really know much about law (have I mentioned this already?), so I guess the answer might be obvious to the brilliant legal minds out there already. Ah well.

A deadline for filing a federal appeal could not be excused by the fact that a federal judge had given an inmate’s lawyer the wrong date, the court held in a 5 to 4 opinion by Justice Thomas.

This sucks. The poor guy is penalised because the federal judge screwed up? Punishing innocents for mistakes/crimes that are not their own sucks big-time.

Unfortunately that happens in Singapore too. I've talked a lot about the case of Amara Tochi elsewhere, so I won't say too much about this again. Suffice to say that he was put to death (killed, murdered) for bringing drugs into Singapore, even though he (almost certainly) didn't know that they were drugs. And it's not a case of a judge ruling overly harshly, or a mistake made in the sentencing (even though that would also suck). It's just the way it works in Singapore. I would encourage you to look at the section on the trial if you follow the link to the Wiki article.

What is justice and what is the law? Sometimes if you think about it, the divergence between the two is chilling.

Randoms

I hate going out in the day because the weather is too darn warm. These days I slap on sunblock on my hand, wear gloves, grab a thermometer, stick it outside my window. Is it less than 28C? Yes? Ok, now my foot can venture tentatively out my door. And EVEN if it's less than 28, if the floor burns my foot, the foot retreats. No suicidal battles to be fought with the weather!

So I tend to get home late-ish. And I don't mind really, because the sun is a Bad Bad Thing, and mid-year nights are so clear, and if you haven't noticed (people never do), the moon has been gorgeous.

BUT the one thing that is bad about getting home late is the wildlife at my place. I'm convinced it's bat mating season because at night, bats - nay, a swarm of bats has been circling crazily mere inches above the ground, and more importantly, blocking my way home! Horror! Horror!

a goblin's tale

I'm in a strange mood today, perhaps partly because I read Robert Anton Wilson's Schrodinger's Cat trilogy in one sitting without really understanding many of the references and becoming practically delirious by the end of the 3 books.

(I'm beginning to think that the sound of words is sufficient enjoyment, even without understanding of the content. Why else was I hooked on the trilogy for the better part of today when I'd already lost track of the multiple characters in the multiple plots in multiple universes smothered in multiple references?)

(Is the pure aesthetic of poetry words without content?)

It could also be because the weather is swear-wordedly warm and the mechanical hum of my laptop is irritating me and threatening to give me a headache.

I also feel an overwhelming urge to speak in italics. Which I might or might not indulge in later in this post. Let's keep you in suspense for now.

And as always, stories surface and then drown in my mind, unconnected and unthoughtof, and then resurface again. One that has been on my mind for a long time is a tale of a goblin.

I don't see the point of writing a story about a goblin since everyone knows that goblins are at best secondary characters, and are never successful in the roles that really matter - Nordic heroes or Byronic heroes or Shakespearen heroes or even vampires. Some authors have maintained that even the smallest of creatures (like hobbits) can matter, but the truth is - and we're not talking about fiction here - the smallest of creatures seldom matter in significant ways.

So I don't see the point of writing a story about a goblin.

Nevertheless.

This goblin was small, even for a goblin, and was born in a goblin village, which was ruled by Authority. Authority came dressed in a pink lace dress. The other goblin inhabitants of the village disliked Authority in principle, and went about discreetly defying Authority as best they could.

One day, Authority left the village, instructing the goblin inhabitants to behave themselves. The Majority of the goblin inhabitants formed a Group, and while the individual goblins disliked Authority, the Group claimed to uphold Authority's rule, and in fact, became Authority itself (except without the pink lace dress).

The Authority-Group decided to enforce all of Authority's rules. The rules that they enforced included those rules that individual members of the Authority-Group used to break when Authority was around. As a result of the Authority-Group, the enforcement of Authority's rules was much stricter and harsher than it used to be, when Authority was around. Many goblins were drowned or burnt at the stake for the smallest of transgressions.

When Authority finally returned to the village, the Authority-Group reported all its enforcement actions to Authority, and Authority was well-pleased. The Authority-Group then disbanded, and previous members of the Authority-Group continued their discreet defiance of Authority, seeing no contradiction in their actions.

The non-hero who is our goblin played no significant part in these happenings (as tends to be the case with the smallest creatures), but was deeply troubled by the inconsistencies he saw. The goblin decided that a Group was a strange and complex entity that was more than the sum of its individual goblins. The goblin decided that he was afraid of Groups because Groups were motivated by chaotic, unpredictable impulses and an unyielding logic of their own. Groups, he thought, were impossible to understand, and dangerous.

The goblin went on to do many other things in his life. However, as I've said before, they are not very significant. Goblins are very insignificant creatures. Goblins, like humans, are never heroes, even though heroes are sometimes disguised as humans or goblins. But that is not very important.

Strawberry marshmallows to you too!

My butt hurts very much because in an uncharacteristic burst of courage, I've been cycling (well, wobbling and squealing and just stopping short of running over people) these 2 days. If you were at ECP yesterday and you heard someone screaming 'my butt hurts' non-stop it was probably me. It's like confetti. You scatter the 'my butt hurts' as you cycle down the road, and some of it inevitably lands on the heads of innocent passers-by. Now and then you punctuate the confetti-scattering with little bits of 'sorry! didn't mean to almost run you over!' or 'help! I'm losing control of my bike!' or 'get out of my way I don't know how to ring this bell!' or 'don't cycle so close to me or I'll die!'

Oooh strawberry marshmallows... I love strawberry marshmallows. They could represent so many things. Strawberry marshmallows represent 'hello' and 'goodbye' and 'how do you do' and 'I never want to see you again'. Strawberry marshmallows are vulnerability, the feminine ideal, violence, soap operas, the earth, the essence of essence (like the mistress of the mistress or the son of the son). In fact, life-which-is-like-a-box-of-chocolates is like strawberry marshmallows. But only like strawberry marshmallows with strawberry jam filling and not the ones with yucky strawberry cream filling. Because marshmallows with strawberry cream filling don't represent anything except hello kitty and lawyers, and everyone knows that hello kitty and lawyers are not really part of life except in hell, and life in hell is nothing like life-which-is-like-a-box-of-chocolates. (Has anyone noticed how difficult it is to type with hyphens? Not that hyphens aren't pleasant creatures. Just difficult. Maybe it's a phase.) Strange isn't it, how chocolate is sinful but not hellish? But we were talking about strawberry marshmallows. Lollipops though - I don't need to say what lollipops represent, because lollipops mean different things to different people. Lollipops are subjective. On the other hand, strawberry marshmallows represent everything to everyone. Especially life-which-is-like-a-box-of-chocolates. Strawberry marshmallows are transcendental. I like strawberry marshmallows. (but not the ones with the strawberry cream filling.)

humour

My friends used to stare at me when I laughed out loud while studying.

From the BBC: "The [American] president is only allowed to serve two terms in office. He spends most of his first term trying to get re-elected and most of his second being described as a lame duck. No wonder they give him the shiny plane and the armoured limos. There have to be some perks to this job."

Isn't that funny? It's not just me right?

And

Politicians sign new climate pact
Leading international politicians have reached a new agreement on tackling climate change, at a Washington summit.

It's always sort of difficult not to feel optimistic when you get such news. Of course it's a non-binding agreement blah blah blah, but as the constructivists would say 'Non-binding? Pfft. Who cares?'

(Between, yes, I'm one of those who watched that Captain Planet show when I was young, and can still remember the song.)

Cas Haley Blows Americas Got Talent Away

Damn.

Paul sings Nessun Dorma high quality video/sound

OMG he's better than the girl.

Six year old Connie Talbot performs on Britain's Got Talent

OMG.

Dramatic Look

Amusement & Insecurity

After my last post, someone was concerned enough to refer me to a counsellor. While the thought and concern are very appreciated, I don't think I need a counsellor just yet. Give me some time. :P

Also, given that the post was about why the Marxist revolution never occured, and posited that counselling (or 'self-help' and therapy in general) was part of the reason, it was pretty amusing. A post claiming to be a 'radical critique' of (and hence resistance to) this 'hegemony' that is buttressed partially by modern counselling eliciited almost immediately an invitation to counselling...

Omg it's just too precious.

I also got a comment about that post being uber-cheem and impossible for normal people to understand.

My initial reaction: Are you trying to be sarcastic? Am I not normal? Why do you say I'm not normal? Do you think I'm trying to act cheem? I'm normal!

My 2nd train of thought: Why do I care what people think? What makes me think he thinks I act cheem? What makes me think he was being sarcastic? Is it because I'm so insecure that I feel the need to blend in with the rest? Do I need to feel accepted? Why am I acting like an angsty teenager? I thought I left all that behind! I'm an adult! All grown up! Why am I so insecure? Me? Insecure? Of course not!

My 3rd thought: I can't believe I'm being insecure about being insecure.

There you have it. The nutcase who is the author of this blog.

Spectres of Marx

There's a voice in my head that won't stop. I wish it would go away because it disturbs me even while amusing. It doesn't allow me to feel any sense of achievement, and it screams when I try to find comfort in a group. It haunts me and forbids rest... like a spectre.

--------------------------------------------

Let us go back to a hypothetical fief in the dark Middle Ages and look at 2 scenarios.

Scenario A:

A peasant works in the fields every day without rest. He is impoverished, his wife is ailing, he has lost 4 children to disease already, and his last remaining child is starving. He is unhappy because really, there is no reason to be happy. He looks at the privileges enjoyed by his lord and feels that the world is unfair.

The peasant asks his lord, "Why is it that I have to work so long and hard and you don't? I am unhappy."

The lord kicks him away.

The peasant organizes a rebellion, and even though he and many others are killed, they lend impetus to a movement that, a long time later, results in a better life for people like him.

Scenario B:

A peasant works in the fields every day without rest. He is impoverished, his wife is ailing, he has lost 4 children to disease already, and his last remaining child is starving. He is unhappy because really, there is no reason to be happy. He looks at the privileges enjoyed by his lord and feels that the world is unfair.

The peasant asks his lord, "Why is it that I have to work so long and hard and you don't? I am unhappy."

The lord tells him, "I can sense that you're dissatisfied. I cannot change the system for you, but let me refer you to a counsellor."

The counsellor is a good one, who genuinely cares for the peasant, and empathizes with him.

At the end of the session, the peasant says to the counsellor, "Life is hard, but you have made me feel better simply because you have listened to me. I have thought calmly and rationally about what I can do about my problems, and because I know there's a listening ear for me, now I feel as if I have the strength to go on."

So the peasant returns to the fields, and life goes on.

Poem for my sister

I was clearing some of my old stuff today (and there's a lot of that). Some day I shall type out some of the more embarrassing writing from my teenage years. Absolutely excruciating. I've been wondering all day whether to burn those old diaries. *shudder* At one point I dropped the offending diary and buried my face in my hands because... oh the agony! Such agony! How could I ever EVER have written something like that?

Haha.

I also discovered this poem I wrote for my youngest sis about 8-9yrs ago, and while it's no masterpiece (no false modesty here heh), it does remind me of how she was as a little kid lolz.

[Youngest sis] is a little maiden
Of about 5 or 6;
She's all the experience and certainty
That comes with age.
Mummy belongs to her, no doubt,
And Daddy does as well.
Jie jie's a slight nuisance,
But kor kor's mean as hell.
The only one who's a bit of fun
Is [2nd sis], but only when she's around.
The sun and the moon and the stars in the sky,
Doggy and bear-bear and charming lullabies
Belong to Her,
Our Queen of the World.
But she is young and pretty and dances too,
She prefers to be Princess, thank you.

2005.09.08 康熙来了 阿信 原來的我+一場遊戲一場夢+軋車+志明與春嬌

KAWAII ASHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE ASHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

五月天 JUMP!离开地球表面 - 温柔

Alas, post-concert blues :(

But never mind, to K Box it is!

Not a screaming fangirl... really!

Mayday concert:

This was my first rock/pop concert. I kept wondering where the druggies and drunkards and strippers (or the drugged, drunk strippers) were. Is no one keeping the spirit of rock and roll alive?!?!?!

I never realised how good Mayday is. The lead singer went out of tune quite often actually, but I'm amazed that his voice lasted the whole concert. Talk about stamina. Also, he's cute and so earnest heh. The guitars & drums were good too! Though they still sound better on the record. What really impressed me was how sincere they sounded. No tongue-in-cheek glibness there. I believe they might actually believe what they're singing.

But I still say we should have shouted political slogans during the less noisy intervals. I wanted to shout "中国统一，反对台独!" (trans: One China policy, oppose Taiwanese independence) but my friend didn't want to shout with me. :(

The funny thing was, at one point in the concert, they had images of Che Guevara onscreen. And at another, they had images from what I think were paintings of the American Revolution. They even had Abraham Lincoln! Talk about strange bed-partners. Communists and Americans. But I suppose the idea was resisting oppression, fighting for ideals etc, which would kind of fit into their overall theme of leaving the earth - transcending the material, searching for utopia, idealism and so on. (According to my friend they're Beatles-inspired.)

Strangely enough, while they were singing about revolution, leaving the world behind, abandoning pragmatism for idealism, they also made sure to sell their concert tickets for a very exorbitant price. They also read out the list of sponsors, and prompted the audience to cheer loudly for the sponsors. I didn't know the concert was supposed to have a commercial break. :P

So revolutionism and idealism are constantly subverted, and turn into commercialism.

I doubt many members of the audience would go home and live the ideals in the Mayday songs they so fanatically sang/screamed to during the concert.

I did a lot of screaming and singing myself, if only because I was determined not to let my money go down the drain. So for me it was a conscious decision to 'suspend disbelief', as the literature/arty-farty types would say, and participate. Besides the desire to make the most of sunk costs though, I also noticed that there was a desire to participate for the sake of being part of entire performance. I wanted to sing along so that I could be part of the music-making myself. Yet this sense of participation was more or less false, largely because I couldn't even hear myself in all that ruckus.

But the sense of participation was important. It's a sense that what you do is important to the concert. Hence they make you scream for an encore, even though they've already planned to return to the stage. They make you do silly things like jump in time, and spell out LOVE with your arms. They tell you that it's your voice that's beautiful (which, trust me, is a bloody lie). All in all your screaming and singing is not particularly important to anyone except yourself.

The whole concert looked a lot like a cult gathering. Wild-eyed people were waving glowing phallic symbols (lightsticks) to the same throbbing beat, they were screaming the same songs, they robotically performed the same motions, they stomped their feet and swayed, and they fanatically adored Mayday. No wonder there're so many associations between rock music and satanic cults. The whole thing was like a mass hypnosis. Some people even raised their hands with both palms facing out, the way I've seen Christians do in church while they're singing.

Come to think of it, lightsticks are pretty much like candles aren't they? Why do you even need lightsticks at a concert? To show that you, the individual, are here? Because it makes you feel seen? And therefore contributes to the (false) sense of participation? In the dark, without a lightstick, no one would notice you. But even with the lightstick, who sees you, the individual?

In any case, people filed out quite matter-of-factly when the concert was finally over.

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind.

- Shakespeare

Mayday Concert!

Just came back from the concert! *jumps around and screams*

More on the concert in the next post, too braindead to write my post-concert thoughts.

In the meantime, my favourite Mayday song:


生命有一种绝对

如果我　不曾走过这一遍
生命中　 还有多少苦　和甜美
那风中的歌声　孤单哽咽的声音是谁
回忆中　那个少年 为何依然不停的追

想要征服的世界　始终都没有改变　
那地上　无声蒸发　我的泪
黑暗中期待光线　生命有一种绝对　
等待我　请等待我　直到約定融化成笑颜

那生命　绚烂烟火般上演　
你和我　最后都要回归地平线
那留下的足跡　浪花沖走　回忆海岸线
靠近我　再拥抱我　请不要让我　的心冷却

等待我　请等待我　靠近我　再拥抱我
不要走　请不要走 直到約定融化成笑颜
直到我看見　生命的绝对

quotes

My friend has, of all things, asked me to find a quote to be engraved on her iPod. While brainstorming, I decided to look through my database of favourite quotes/poems.

Yeats

"Let us go forth, the tellers of tales, and seize whatever prey the heart long for, and have no fear. Everything exists, everything is true, and the earth is only a little dust under our feet."

Favourite part from one of my favourite poems:

"How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face..."

Another extract from beloved Yeats:

"Nor law, nor duty bade me fight
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death."

Tolkien & LOTR

"Out of doubt, out of dark to the day's rising
I came singing in the sun, sword unsheating.
To hope's end I rode and to heart's breaking:
Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red nightfall!"

"And long there he lay, an image of the splendour of the Kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world.

But Arwen went forth from the House, and the light of her eyes was quenched, and it seemed to her people that she had become cold and grey as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Then she said farewell to Eldarion, and to her daughters, and to all whom she had loved; and she went out from the city of Minas Tirith and passed away to the land of Lórien, and dwelt there along under the fading trees until winter came. Galadriel had passed away and Celeborn also was gone, and the land was silent.

There at last when the mallorn-leaves were falling, but spring had not yet come, she laid herself to rest upon Cerin Amroth; and there is her green grave, until the world is changed, and all the days of her life are utterly forgotten by men that come after, and elanor and niphredil bloom no more east of the Sea.

Here ends this tale, as it has come to us from the South; and with the passing of Evenstar no more is said in this book of the days of old."

On Hamlet

"The world has grown sad because a puppet was once melancholy."

- Oscar Wilde

"In this sense, the Dionysian man resembles Hamlet: both have once looked truly into the essence of things, they have gained knowledge, and nausea inhibits action; for their action could not change anything in the eternal nature of things; they feel it to be ridiculous or humilitating that they should be asked to set right a world that is out of joint. Knowledge kills action; action requires the viels of illusion: that is the doctrine of Hamlet, not that cheap wisdom of Jack the Dreamer who reflects too much... Not reflection, no - true knowledge, an insight into the horrible truth, outweighs any motive for action, both in Hamlet and in the Dionysian man."
- Nietzsche


Misc.

"the quasi-miraculous fact that once, on this earth... walked other men and women, as actual as we are today, thinking their own thoughts, swayed by their own passions, but now all gone, one generation vanishing after another, gone as utterly as we ourselves shall shortly be gone like ghosts at cockcrow"
-G.M. Trevelyan

"The silver swan, who living had no note,
When death approached unlocked her silent throat;
Leaving her breast against the reedy shore,
Thus sung her first and last, and sung no more:
Farewell all joys; O death, come close mine eyes;
More geese than swans now live, more fools than wise."
- Orlando Gibbons

A particularly cruel and honest poem:

"People expect old men to die,
They do not really mourn old men.
Old men are different. People look
At them with eyes that wonder when...
People watch with unshocked eyes;
But the old men know when an old man dies."
- Ogden Nash

C'est fini!

My last paper! over! OVER!

It seems that every exam I take is harder than the last, because I get progressively (or regressively) lazier and more unmotivated with each exam.

Now I'm hoping really hard that I actually manage to graduate. Not just because my exams are so screwed up, but because I just remembered I have a quota of 20 seminars to attend, and I can't remember if I've fulfilled the quota....... *cries*

In other news *preliminary gloat* my maritime essay didn't do too badly after all. The reason why that's such a huge accomplishment is because by 3am on the day the essay was due, I had about 1000/6000 words, and I had to stop writing by 130pm that day.

As a sign of how screwed up the whole affair was, my paper was on the UN Convention on?of? (you see! I still don't know! and I just took the exam today!) the Law of the Sea, and I used the wrong acronym throughout the paper.

Also, for the first time in my life, I didn't include a bibliography. I was so desperate to finish that I figured since I was using footnotes my lecturer wouldn't really need a bibliography, and perhaps he might not notice the absence (I was wrong). Till now, till now, I still don't know what this course was about. I know there was lots about ships, and plenty of stuff about technology (maybe that's why I blanked out all the time during class), but other than that, the whole thing's a Soviet Union for me. (note: reference to Churchill's(?) description of the Soviet Union that I can never remember exactly, but has something to do with a mystery and an enigma and some other stuff all wrapped together like a swiss roll. Erm. Soviet roll.)

The second time in my life I excluded the bibliography was for my other term paper this trimester. (omg omg omg I'm so screwed!)

In case you don't know, for me, excluding the bibliography is a BIG thing. It's like, a most serious breach of etiquette. Like turning upon your hosts who have provided you with food and shelter from the storm and slaughtering them and feeding them to their own dogs for the kick of it. And then putting their dogs out in the rain. Not approved. Poor dogs :( *cries solitary tear*

Anywayz.

I'm just very very happy that my essay written in such a state of panicked ignorance did okay. *end gloat*

Oh and I collected the hardbound copies of my dissertation. Once again I'm too afraid to read the damn thing. I still haven't mustered the courage to borrow my honours thesis from the library (I don't have a copy. Long story.) to find out how screwed up it really was.

And now I'm free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder what I shall do next. *ponders*

Robbie Williams - Mr. Bojangles in the Royal Albert Hall

This is Robbie Williams too preoccupied with looking cool to sound good. And also, he can't dance for nuts.

Posted here to show how Sammy Davis Jr (see http://justareed.blogspot.com/2007/05/sammy-davis-jr-mr-bojangles_23.html) is so much better.

Dog and Duckling: Best Friends

Kewt! Kewt Kewt Kewt Kewt! *goes dizzy*

Sammy Davis Jr - Mr. Bojangles

This performance makes me want to cry... *cries* I never knew the song was so sad!

I *heart* Sammy Davis Jr! The Rat Pack lives on!

Sammy Davis, Jr. on Late Night:

The Rat Pack lives on!

Muchos love, Sammy Davis Jr!

Dependence

I won't be able to sleep tonight, and I feel so horrible.

*cries*

LSB makes all the bad things go away. I want LSB now.

Misery

This is the blow-by-blow account of my misery/utter miserableness that I said I wasn't going to type, but all of you knew was going to come anyway.

I have a 6000 word paper due this Tuesday that I haven't started writing. I have a 5000 word paper due this Friday that I haven't started writing.

The Tuesday and Wednesday after that I have my 2 last exams for my course. I discovered to my horror that I have a choice of 2 out of 4 questions for the 1st paper and a choice of 3 out of 7 for the 2nd (instead of the usual 2 out of 7/8 questions). And of course if you know me at all you'd know that I haven't done ANY studying this entire trimester, and I still have difficulty remembering the names of my lecturers.

That I've finally accepted that I've lost interest in my course isn't helping.

All that is still manageable. Except for the fact that I've chosen this time to fall sick. I can tolerate sniffles, ignore fevers, suppress headaches with Panadol.

But I HATE persistent coughs with a vengeance. First, it's almost impossible to complete a sentence before being interrupted by a bout of coughing. Second, people stare at you and wonder if they should move away. Third, it's very tiring and very painful, especially when paired with a sore throat. Also, I'm unfortunately very very very prone to such coughs. They can plague me for weeks, putting me entirely out of commission. Sleep is a mercy, but I can't afford to sleep now. It'd be a joke if I failed my course now. All I want to do is to tear my throat out and stamp on it till it agrees to stop irritating me. Darn it all.

Japan and its normalization? (also, EU-Russian relations)

Japan schools to teach patriotism

Japan's lower house of parliament has approved a new law requiring schools to teach children to be patriotic.

EU-Russian talks end in acrimony

The leaders of the European Union and Russia have traded sharp criticism over human rights, at a summit that exposed the divisions between the two sides.

Miserable

I'm a total baby when it comes to falling sick. I hate it, and I become very very very miserable. Except I'm never just miserable miserable. Oh no, I'm either varying degrees of not miserable or melodramatic end-of-the-world tragic.

It doesn't help that I *thought* I got rid of this bout of whatever-it-is-that-I-have 1 week ago only to have it return to plague me this week, when I have so much work to do, and very neglected exam preparations to start on (and hopefully complete). I do *not* need another excuse to slack. But I just feel so miserable! *cries* And very sleepy...

I'm trying very hard to refrain from a blow-by-blow account of my current sickness (no pun intended!).

Oh I almost forgot! The bookshop auntie in school is ultra-nice! I went down to the bookshop yesterday during the class break, desperately looking for something to control the fever & headache cos I could feel my eyes smouldering away (hehe). Unfortunately they didn't sell Panadol (horrors!), but the auntie took 1 look at me, then rummaged through her stuff and gave me her own Panadol! For free! I love the bookshop auntie! I also love Panadol.

*miserable*

I also had another really scary nightmare, which I'm trying very hard to forget.

My favourite mailing list

I'm an invisible member on this mailing list populated by, as far as I can tell, ex-geppers. A school with all-white uniform is also strongly represented. I only read when I have the time (or when I'm too busy to have the time), but dammit some of the debates are hysterical.

Like this one on (as far as I can tell) whether 'abolishment' is as acceptable as 'abolition'.

The reason I can't tell exactly what the debate is is because there have been so many angry and lengthy emails exchanged on this weighty issue, I can't even find the original offending post.

These very very smart people have started drawing upon their very extensive knowledge of Latin, French, the evolution of language blah. I skipped all those bits because I don't know anything about any of that high-brow stuff, and I prefer to focus on the parts where they call each other morons and pedants and stupid dumb idiots.

Seems that some of the other members are slightly pissed off, but one particular mailer refuses to stop because 'he started it first!'

Yay Singapore, your creme de la creme.

Student confidence

student confidence
If state schools had more time and resources to spend trying to convince working class and lower middle class kids that they were as smart as their private/independent school counterparts, there'd be a quiet revolution in the offing.

Ditto here. There is really not much difference between kids in the different 'streams' (or have they found a new word?) in SG either.

I spend a fortune everytime I step into HMV... *cries*

My long-awaited CD has finally arrived! And is everything I'd hoped for and more! Frank Sinatra Sings for Only the Lonely! It's one of those albums that have to be listened to at one go. By mid-CD your heart has already sunk to your toes, and the whole world seems cold and... er, lonely? *sigh* And by the last track, you look up from a haze of depression and wonder why the sun goes on shining, and why the sea rushes ashore and why is my boyfriend so busy he never has time for me, and why am I so wholesomely blue...?

And the grey clouds don't part after that mind you. I bought an album by Tony O'Malley that was playing in the store even though I've never heard of the artiste before. It helped that the oh-so-friendly guy at the store commented/asked with a glint in his eye: 'you like that CD, don't you?' I love guys who say 'don't you?' with a definite eye-glint!!!!!! Hehehe... Anyway, it was impossible to listen to that CD after Sinatra. Firstly, the 1st track on the album was Autumn Leaves, and the guy's french cannot make it lar. Second, he doesn't sing as well as Sinatra. Third, it was too damn upbeat for those grey clouds hanging around, and we don't want to offend those grey clouds. DO WE?

(do we?)

I should know better than to buy CDs just because of random cute guys I meet. Tsk. In any case I couldn't sit past the 2nd track of O'Malley, and haven't even started on the pop Bocelli album I bought for my mum. Back to good ol' blue eyes and heavy sighs.

And I was going to look for something by Leontyne Price at HMV, but the moment I stepped in the store I forgot her name. Of course the moment I got on the bus home I remembered. Damn my memory! And damn my memory again!

Doll Face

Funny how a video like that can end up being so pretty.

Poor poor poor poor me

Someone told me my posts are getting boring. :(

That same friend who probably passed me enough germs to take me out for the whole of today, which prompted this mother of all boring blog posts.

Now excuse me while I go bury my head under a blanket and pray that the world stops turning.

Panadol

I have a headache, so I take out my trusty box of Actifast Panadol. (Joyce note!)

LSB notices, runs over, and asks in a whisper: Are those menstruation panadols?

So smooshy! Hahaha...

Oh and stinky beetle alert in my house! Everytime someone shouts stinky beetle, we all disperse. No one wants a stinky beetle in their hair heh. We're cute right. :P

Satan and immigrants

Convention ends with Satan and immigrants

Utah County Republicans ended their convention on Saturday by debating Satan's influence on illegal immigrants.

...

Republican officials then allowed speakers to defend and refute the resolution. One speaker, who was identified as "Joe," said illegal immigrants were Marxist and under the influence of the devil. Another, who declined to give her name to the Daily Herald, said illegal immigrants should not be allowed because "they are not going to become Republicans and stop flying the flag upside down. ... If they want to be Americans, they should learn to speak English and fly their flag like we do."

Ok.....

Chris Daughtry - Hemorrhage

Oh I remember this guy from American Idol too. And this specific performance. (Music starts 01:12)

Though I don't listen to much rock, I seem to remember the rockers very well. Perhaps it's because it's difficult to listen to rock on the record. You sorta have to pair rock music with the performance. Or maybe it's just me.

Sighz. When marking so many scripts it's really tempting to just give a random grade. All the exam scripts are not that different, and it gets so mind-numbing. I keep having to take long rests to remind myself to grade these things seriously.

Constantine Maroulis - Bohemian Rhapsody

Yes I watch American Idol. *guilty*

And I actually remember this performance from I-dunno-which-season.

I also remember Kellie Pickle, but for absolutely the wrong reason. *shudders* Talk about making a virtue of being dumb.

Postcard from Prague!

I spent the whole day sleeping and woke to find a postcard from Prague on my table. It's from a friend I met three years ago... He was a German medical student in Singapore for some medical stuff (yes yes ignorance), and I showed him around. I didn't really spend much time with him (only about 2?3? days), but we've corresponded through email since then. Unfortunately his email has been bouncing for more than a year now, and I haven't been able to get through to him. And postcard? No return address.

But damn he does get around. Some months ago I got a postcard from him and back then he was in Egypt.

And it's incredibly sweet that he still sends postcards 3 years later! So smooshy! I can't believe that he still remembers me and bothers to send me postcards. His postcards have a fortunate tendency of arriving when I need cheering up. Of course they also distract me from my work, but at least it's a happy distraction. *does happy dance*

Pre-work complaint

Both my violin teacher and I are getting increasingly frustrated. My pieces are getting nowhere, and we're getting close to snapping at each other during lessons. My exam's in August, and I'm seriously unprepared for it.

The thing is the pieces are getting much harder, and I'm getting a lot busier. I know it's not as if I don't have time to practise per se... It's just that practising the violin is the one activity that requires all my concentration, and therefore it is the one thing that makes me truly tired. A serious practice burns me out for at least half the day. I'm not used to concentrating so much on anything.

I have a lot on my mind now, and while I really like playing the violin a lot, and I want to pass the exam, the amount of time and effort I have to put in for this is disproportionate to the importance of passing. It's just an extra source of stress that I don't need right now. The thing is my violin teacher is understandably concerned, and I don't like the thought of flunking either. All that time and money.

Sighz I guess I'll just have to make a mid-year resolution to practise daily. At least give myself a shot.

And while today was horrendously unproductive (because I spent hours waiting for my friend to wake heh) at least I had some time and space to recover from the foul mood I was in. It's been a long time since I spent any amount of time doing absolutely nothing. In truth, I'm kind of sick of being glued to my laptop. It's tiring communicating (MSNing) non-stop.

Lollipops make you happy. :P Let's see how much marking I can finish tonight.

Sammy Davis Jr. and Carol Burnett sing Every Showtune Known

How cool is this?

Hero

Let me just remind you how much I'm in love with violinist, Jascha Heifetz. (Yes, I tend to crush dead people.)

And I just realised who Heifetz reminds me of. Sherlock Holmes.

For those who know me, everything should be clear now.

For those who don't, Sherlock Holmes = Elaine's childhood hero.

The funny thing is, Holmes played the violin too! So watching Heifetz play (see this post) results in a strange mental conflation of 2 uber-cool and talented personalities! *excited* I keep expecting Heifetz to turn around to say something to Watson!

I should stop acting like a teenager.

Sherlock Holmes did drugs too, and he's probably the reason why till now, I'm still not violently opposed to a little experimentation. Though I should also say that I've never done drugs, and have never been involved in any illegal drug-related activities. This is Singapore people, I'm not that dumb. But they should get Sherlock Holmes off the bookshelves heh. All those impressionable kids.

Sherlock Holmes is also the reason why I always count the number of steps when walking up/down a flight of stairs. It's really become a habit. Sighz. I love Sherlock Holmes. *cry*

I'm still procrastinating the marking, largely because I feel so overwhelmed by the task. I've never seen so many exam scripts before!

horror

transcendental horror: kant avec lovecraftThe 'frightful position therein' that Lovecraft speaks of is the revelation of a psychic nightmare – or rather the nightmare that is the psyche. But this is not the end of the story. If it were merely a question of unearthing the dark matter that coalesces in dark pockets of the mind, we could turn almost anywhere for help: psychoanalysis, literature in general, comedy, the pub. But this is not just about us. In fact, it's not about us at all. The 'terrifying vistas of reality' all point in one direction: that we don't matter one jot. Between science and the Old Ones, in this universe and all of the others, the same indifferent blankness greets us again and again. Just get on with it and expire, humans!

LSB should be interested in this heh.

It also reminds me (though imperfectly) of Tennyson's In Memoriam.

STRONG Son of God, immortal Love,
Whom we, that have not seen thy face,
By faith, and faith alone, embrace,
Believing where we cannot prove;

Thine are these orbs of light and shade;
Thou madest Life in man and brute;
Thou madest Death; and lo, thy foot
Is on the skull which thou hast made.

Thou wilt not leave us in the dust:
Thou madest man, he knows not why,
He thinks he was not made to die;
And thou hast made him: thou art just.

Thou seemest human and divine,
The highest, holiest manhood, thou:
Our wills are ours, we know not how;
Our wills are ours, to make them thine.

Our little systems have their day;
They have their day and cease to be:
They are but broken lights of thee,
And thou, O Lord, art more than they.

We have but faith: we cannot know;
For knowledge is of things we see;
And yet we trust it comes from thee,
A beam in darkness: let it grow.

Right now horror for me is 230 exam scripts, and oh, what horror!

Random links

China aims to tame Internet and spread party lineBEIJING (Reuters) - Chinese President Hu Jintao on Monday launched a campaign to rid the country's sprawling Internet of "unhealthy" content and make it a springboard for Communist Party doctrine, state television reported.

Seeing through walls
Have you considered that someone could be reading what's on your monitor from a few rooms away? It's unlikely, but possible, as work by Cambridge University computer security researcher Markus Kuhn shows.

For someone who's such a tech idiot I sure read a lot of technology news...

Surveillance

Has anyone noticed how people like to make funny faces/wave at security cameras? (Ok ok! I like to do that too!)

Sometimes it feels like a type of resistance/bravado. Even though we cannot control our being watched, we can attempt to take control through our knowledge of that surveillance, and through our belittling of that surveillance. Instead of reacting with fear and caution (we cannot do this and that because someone is watching), we react with light-hearted amusement/humour (hey there! you looking at me?). We even react with cordiality, as if to humanise the security camera. We act on the assumption that instead of a mechanical device, it is a person looking at us, and we act as if that person is a friend/friendly stranger. Instead of treating the security camera as part of a system of surveillance, we treat it (or at least the surveillance it represents and implements) as one person. Having no choice in our surveillance, we attempt to down-size the scary, systemic situation of surveillance into a more familiar and relaxed inter-personal interaction.

Btw, the above is also my call for help. Translated, it says: Please give me something to analyse other than international relations!

The Dead

It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.
- James Joyce