My Bucket List

1. Create a collection of perfume that I really love
2. Visit Scotland as many times as I like
3. Read about the history of Scotland
4. Never feel trapped
5. Have a month-long (real) holiday somewhere I don’t usually live
6. Write a non-academic book
7. Share a good bottle of wine with a good friend at least once a month
8. Travel somewhere at least twice a year
9. Visit Italy again
10. Read at least 1 ‘fun’ book every month
11. Have at least 1 splurge meal every month
12. Always look out for new music to listen to
13. Go for a concert or play at least once a year

Sleepy shopping

I often go grocery shopping when I'm sleepy and have lots of work to do, on the assumption that I'll have no time to cook, and will need to food to keep me awake. Unfortunately, this means I often go shopping while half asleep and preoccupied with thoughts other than 'Do I need milk?'

Anyhoos, that's what happened today, and I wasn't really thinking about what I was taking off the shelves until I checked out:

1. 1 small tub of chocolate swirl ice-cream
2. 1 bottle of Coke
3. 1 bottle of Diet Coke
4. 2 cans of Red Bull
5. Tiramisu

Comfort food + Caffeine. I have my priorities straight.

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Woohoo new blog design! I was a bit sick of the old bimbotic pink one, and wanted something a bit more sober, calmer, quieter... you know, to reflect my all grown up personality now. Also, my eyes ached from looking at the old design. Ah, the perils of growing old...

Sobering thought

I think I'll need to start writing more, not just assignments, but in general. I'm starting to find that writing doesn't come as easily to me as it once did. This is partly because I'm writing denser (& hopefully more sophisticated) arguments, partly because the stakes are higher and I'm therefore more cautious about what I write. But it's also because I don't write as much anymore, on my blog or for assignments. Yes, I write much longer papers now, but I don't write as MANY papers. I need to get into the habit of writing stuff / nonsense again.

The Last Stand

What does one do when there's only 1 cookie left? Do you wait until the urge to eat it become unbearable, or do you eat it immediately so you can get cookies off your mind?

working late again

Who gets cravings for olives at 6am after staying up all (read: most of the) night?

Working at 430am

I'm sitting at my table with a purple checkered fleece blanket wrapped around me, held fast by a glittery brooch. I'm also wearing a hairband, and am wearing argyle socks. Oh and my fingerless hobo gloves.

Cold weather makes me feel so grandmotherly. In a sort of eccentric, homeless but still somehow blingy way.

Though to tell the truth, the fleece blanket feels incredibly soft and is an wonderfully soft and pretty colour (it might be checkered, but not in a Scottish tartan way. Even though I bought it from Edinburgh Woolen Mill).

ARGH I'm so grandmotherly! Luckily I'm working late at night, so I can wander around without scaring my housemates half to death.

Incidentally (in case I haven't traumatised you enough), I came back from buying groceries today to find a gigantic half-dead earthworm smeared on my boots. It must have been more than 15cm long!

Student poverty

I just mended 2 holes in my cardigan, using sewing kits stolen from a hotel a couple of years ago.

My boots are all patched up with bits of leather, and muddy.

My coat (ok, ONE of my coats) is thrifted.

Bits of my laptop are dropping off. By the end of this year, there will only be 50% of my laptop left. The rest would have been shed like yesterday's cocoon, and a new, lighter, butterfly-laptop would have emerged. Undoubtedly at that point my laptop ver.1.1 will also have the lifespan of a butterfly. (To be specific, the lifespan of a butterfly navigating through a forest fire with little pebbles tied to each of its feet and its wings covered with petroleum. And nursing a broken heart. And failing kidneys. And no health insurance.)

This reminds me of an earlier period of student poverty, when I was mending my underwear by candle(actually, torch)light, though admittedly that was because there was a blackout in my house. Does not change fact that I was mending my own underwear because I had no money to buy new ones.

A Rainy day in Aber

It's dark and raining outside, but I'm currently sitting in what must be the coziest cafe in Aber, with the best ever cafe food... There's a couch and cushions and wireless, and I just ordered a chocolate shake!

Also, there was a little blonde girl in a pink coat with her grandma who kept smiling and waving at every single person in the cafe, hoping they would smile and wave back. I just died of cuteness...

On the resolution of the 2nd Cold War

Finally, FINALLY the Accommodation Office says yes to something. At one point I thought that even if I'd emailed offering to donate a thousand dollars, no conditions attached, they'd brusquely reject my offer.

I recall being absolutely upset when I wasn't allowed to apply for citizenship. It wasn't so much that I was dying to get the citizenship, and more because the rules felt so ridiculous at that point. I'd lived in Singapore all my life, I felt Singaporean - probably more so than some Singaporeans, I had an absolutely clean record, I'd definitely be able to get a job when I graduated, and there was no question that Singapore wanted me. It just didn't make sense to me at that time that I had to get some sort of income before applying - especially since this requirement was not published anywhere on their website or application procedures (as far as I know).

Of course now having worked in the civil service for a while, I get why they'd put this requirement in place. Nevertheless.

Usually it's tremendously difficult for me to get really angry and upset over anything (LSB doesn't count), but when there's a lethal combination of: 1) rules that seem senseless and overly rigid; 2) people who are indifferent and inflexible, something just snaps inside. I can stay up all night fantasising about how to destroy these bloody rules and institutions and wreak sweet sweet vengeance on these poker-faced bureaucrats. I cannot do my own work because I literally see red, my correspondence with the offending bureaucrats becomes increasing accusatory and confrontational, I start talking about things like 'student welfare' and 'professionalism' and 'service standards', and basically, do very little to help my case. I actually had to stop checking my email at night because if I got an email from the Accommodation Office, I knew I would get so frustrated I wouldn't be able to sleep.

More importantly, I get very depressed as well. The thing is, I don't like being confrontational, not because I'm afraid of the consequences or anything like that. It's more because being nasty makes me feel nasty. When I have to fight to get what I want because I feel that the people dealing with my case won't help me unless forced to, it reminds me that the vast, vast majority of people in the world don't give a shit if I die tomorrow. If I want others to make an effort for me, I have to coerce them to. If one day I find myself powerless, I would also be helpless, and without hope. I hate those thoughts. I prefer the illusion that even if one day I find myself down and out, there will be people who would try to help. Basically, I don't like reality very much.

To the Accommodation Office

Quite basically, thank you for being inflexible, unhelpful, indifferent assholes.

Right now, this resonates. (& I'm too lazy to write my own post, so I'm quoting)

From CitizenoftheMonth:

I don’t enjoy being pushy. In fact I hate when circumstances force me to do that. It makes me reflect on other parts of my life, as if you are alone in this world, and no one really gives a shit, so you have to force your way into getting what you want. I don’t want to live my life that way.

No doubt LSB will be surprised I think that way. It's also the reason I hate networking. But dammit if I'm going to back down on this accommodation issue without telling them exactly what I think of them!

Need to stop

At some point I should stop watching Top Gear. Then again, they're in their 15th season. Top Gear is the most brilliant show in the world.

Summer in Aber - Sea and Castle Ruins

Plus two of the pubs we frequent:

On football

Most of you will know that I'm not much of an underdog person. I always think the underdog has less to lose, you know?

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about is goalkeepers. I've always thought goalkeepers are really tragic. If the opposition scores a goal, they can't escape blame; if their own side scores a goal, they seldom have any part in it. There's something very tragic and heroic in the way they launch themselves in the way of incoming balls. It's almost as if they are the willing sacrificial lambs of the game. I would totally run away because I'd be afraid of getting hit by the balls. I'd make a lousy goalkeeper because I'd rather concede a goal than get hit by the ball. In truth, I'd make a lousy footballer because I'm afraid of balls that fly too fast and hard. Unless somebody invented slow-motion football.

I've discovered that I don't like things that fly, especially insects. I'm much more comfortable with insects that crawl, as long as they don't crawl very fast. Or maybe I just don't like things that move fast.

slacking

It's absolutely lovely living by the sea (I mean, within walking distance of the sea). The weather has been wonderful and I have acquired an SG-worthy tan. It's so hard to stay in my room when the sun's shining outside, so I've developed a habit of going out to the sea in the afternoon and pretending to work there. And now that I've bought sunglasses, cap, and flip flops that I can actually wear outside, I'm less likely to totter home suffering from heat stroke, but much much more likely to skip my way home with sandy toes. I love Aber in the summer! The sea quite literally shimmers, and there're plenty of people walking their dogs at the beach, and it's nothing like those dreary winter months at all!



The beach is a lot busier than it seems in this picture. That's partly because I don't want anyone to think I'm taking pics of any of the bikini babes/topless hunks lying around, so I take pictures at the more deserted parts of the beach.

I used to 'work' in Spoon's when the weather was colder:



Now I 'work' by the sea:



Oh, and ice-cream by the sea? Heaven.

Yay girly mags!

Mags here are great! I bought a mag at 3.60GBP, and I got a 50ml shower gel (which smells great, by the way), a perfume sample (albeit the headache-inducing Alien), and a cappucino sample! My (new!) roommates got another mag for 2GBP, & got a Benefit eye-brightener (some makeup thingy), full size! So exciting!

Paralysis by analysis - Being your own Hamlet (why leave Hamlet to the actors?)

I hate marking essays.

I love House.

I have an assignment deadline on the 8th.

I need to finish marking by the 9th.

I'm not going to finish marking anytime soon.

Still alive and kicking

Just finished my first year presentation yesterday, which didn't go too badly.

It's getting much warmer now, which is good, except there are now many many huge insects flying about and getting into the house. Not so good.

I can't believe I'm approaching the end of my first year... I feel as if I haven't done anything!

Country Roads

I was feeling a little troubled, so I randomly wandered down a lane behind my house today.



It was a (relatively) warm and sunny day, so the view was pretty good.







P.S. I actually have clearer pictures, but I'm developing a fondness for the blurry ones...

Sunset, Aberystwyth

So I was brisk walking down to library in order to return overdue books before the library closed, and walked into yet another glorious Aberystwyth sunset. Sunsets in Aberystwyth are generally rather glorious.

Yesterday, my friend was telling me about his trip to a waterfall somewhere in Latin America (I forget where). He was telling me how magical it was, because he was standing in the spray, totally soaked, and the sunlight was refracting off the water droplets, and it was like standing in the middle of a rainbow. His friend had tried to take pictures of everything, but they never came out. This was a memory he would carry with him to the end of his life, he said.

My campus is on top of a hill facing the sea. In front of the library, there is a large square with a beautiful view of the sea. It was Sunday evening, so the square was pretty deserted, except for a handful of people, quietly standing and looking at the sunset. This is the sun setting over the Irish Sea, and it's just one of those views that remind me how freaking beautiful our world can be. The entire sky is painted in shades of orange and purple and pink and remnants of blue. It's been a clear day, so there're only a few wispy clouds. Away from the blazing sun, in one corner of the sky, there's a crescent moon. The trees are mostly still bare, and the branches look as if they're glowing with some inner fire. The sea is shimmering, and you can see the now-familiar silhouettes of Aberystwyth town, the Old College, and castle ruins bathed in light. A flock of birds flies past, and you can hear the seagulls calling. Two planes pass by, probably heading to Ireland, with their trails catching the light and turning orange-red, and they look like two fiery comets streaking across the sky. It is a view to break your heart. I reach for my handphone to take a picture, and realise that I've left it at home.

Sometimes Aberystwyth can be a dreary town. It's cold and windy, the hill is an ass to climb, and there's really nothing much to do. But there is space here. I constantly look up at the sky because I'm always surprised by how vast the sky is. Under this sky, I could be anyone I want. I could fail and drop out and disappear if I wanted to. I could travel to any corner of the earth I liked. And there are glorious sunsets.

Except... except sometimes you can't have both love and freedom, and the most magical moments are those you fail to capture and keep.