Respect and Resistance

A1one: 1st generation Graffiti in Iran

Iran… what do we really know about it? And which of all these facts are actually true? What kind of image do we have? And would we include something like ‘Iranian Graffiti’ or ‘Street Art from Tehran’ in this image?

If so, what would that look like? Do we expect any strong Anti-American messages? Or do we think of a strong form of expression against the government maybe? Or could it be sympathizing with a local party? Or what if it was not about any official statement at all, but what if Iranian street art was simply a form of personal expression? Or maybe it is even all of the above, still testing out what ’street art’ could possibly be in this particular environment… PingMag interviewed A1one, the one who started graffiti in Tehran.

I just discovered PingMag, and I'm falling head over heels in love with it.

I amaze myself

It's essay time again!

No matter how long I have to research and write, I always end up doing all the work in less than a day.

I'm freaking amazing I tell you.

This is 40% of my grade!

And I'm feeling complacent.

Because guess what, I've got 800+/4000 words at 12.45am the day the essay is due, and you know, that's kind of better than my usual 'holy shit it's 4am, I'd better start, but what am I to write about' situation.

So I'm doing all these mental calculations in my head, and I'm like, I've gotta be in school by 2pm tomorrow, so let's say I have till 1pm. Factor in 2hrs for stoning + the inevitable 'pls-wake-me-up-in-1hr-but-failing-that-just-give-me-3hrs-more' sleep, that gives me 6 hrs to write 3000 words.

Not bad at all dude. That's about 1/4 of a day.

Oops I forgot to count the 30mins for random incoherent blogging. Slightly less than 1/4 of a day.

Oh yeah, I haven't done any research, so I shall have to search for articles online. Minus another 2hrs.

WTH it's 40% of my grade! Why do I insist on screwing myself over like this? I need therapy.

Gender and Games

Game Boys for Play Girls! games & gender by Babsi
Barbara ‘Babsi’ Lippe enjoyed a typical postmodern childhood filled with cartoons, action figures, comics and video-games. The latter in particular had a great impact on her life: she has just finished a 1000 page PhD thesis about Games and Gender! PingMag interviewed the cheerful Austrian expert about why Japanese game esthetics are more appealing to women in the West and how the market in Europe is slowly changing.

Sometimes you just have to live and let live. I've been told that my place is like a jungle, not because it's untamed, messy and uncivilised - even though it IS all of the above, but because of the numbers of non-human wildlife that coexist with my more genetically-related family. There're times humans and non-humans just have to live with each other in harmony. *zen* *sings Circle of Life*

There's a spider that lives on the window-sill next to my study-table (or rather, my dad's table, which I've claimed as my own by choping it with my notes).

Another spider lives in my bathroom, though I haven't seen it recently.

Baby grasshoppers regularly frequent my laptop because of the heat and light. (The baby grasshoppers probably came from the plants in my balcony, where there're bigger grasshoppers. Yeah, my mum the gardener lives and lets live too.)

Baby lizards, or rather, young lizards (the one that visited last night wasn't that small) come to my laptop, probably for the same reason. The really small ones are cute though, because they're prone to acrobatics, jumping up and down for no apparent reason. (Sorry, Joyce)

Usually I'm less tolerant towards bigger/grosser forms of wildlife, and my human family members are tasked with chasing them away. These include cockroaches, BIG grasshoppers, moths/butterflies (but only when they fly into the house), beetles (esp. the stinky ones!), hairy spiders.

I'm also tolerant of wildlife insofar as they don't actually crawl on to me.

Recollection

I wonder if LSB remembers the night we danced at the bus-stop at his house while it was raining. He thought it was stupid of course, and even I felt a bit embarrassed even though I was the one who coerced him into it. He'll probably kill me for speaking about this in public.

New battleground

US plans to 'fight the net' revealed
A newly declassified document gives a fascinating glimpse into the US military's plans for "information operations" - from psychological operations, to attacks on hostile computer networks.

The operations described in the document include a surprising range of military activities: public affairs officers who brief journalists, psychological operations troops who try to manipulate the thoughts and beliefs of an enemy, computer network attack specialists who seek to destroy enemy networks.

...

It seems to see the internet as being equivalent to an enemy weapons
system.

"Strategy should be based on the premise that the Department [of Defense] will 'fight the net' as it would an enemy weapons system," it reads.

Woah this is some crazy shit. But it's hardly surprising that people in the security sector would see the Internet in this light.

Americans have been notoriously bad at soft power, something that's perhaps not entirely their fault, since people like to pick on the big boys. It's funny though, how they see soft power in such militarized terms. 'Fight the net'? What happened to 'promote cultural awareness and understanding'? It makes it seem like they see everyone else as a potential enemy instead of a potential friend. (or at least the article makes it seem so, and we know how much the BBC likes US foreign policy these days)

Of course now that the document's out in the open, that means more bad press for them. Nobody likes Big Brother propagandists. They should have stuck to the wimpy cultural exchanges.

I also have to say that I don't like the idea of propaganda and surveillance of the Internet being institutionalized and legitimized as part of a 'war'. (I know it happens all the time already.) Netizens unite! (haha)

Have you read the papers?

First tutorial today passed by in a fog of drowsiness. 10am is not a good time for me.

I was looking over LSB's (long-suffering bf) shoulder as he was scanning through microforms of newspapers from the late 1950s and early 1960s.

I never knew the papers were so interesting!

There were the priceless nuggets like 'Cat gives birth to squirrel,' and 'Englishman possessed by spirit of lama.' A lady divorced her husband because he refused to give her money for lipstick and cigarettes. A writer was horrified by homosexuality in prisons. People were to watch out for an injured man-eating tiger. Rubber prices were down. Chantilly lace was debonair (yes, the article used this word!) this summer. Lolita was all the rage among liberals in America, and we weren't certain at all if it was indeed pornography. Dulles had passed away, and the Russians were wrangling in a most uncivilised manner with the Americans. People were struggling with issues of language and culture, and students held emergency meetings to pass resolutions on governmental misdeeds. Algeria and Congo were in the news, as was merger, and Scottish dances were all the fad with 'blood-curdling screams' from the men and 'twirling skirts' attached to girlish waists (yes, actual quotes).

I love the papers.

ed: Just a note, these were local papers.

ed2: LSB just notified me that Malay Mail (the paper we were looking at) was actually a Malayan publication, and therefore not really 'local'. Not that anyone cares, but historians are anal retentive like that.

WTH?

The ES does come close to Wendtian constructivism on one point: materialism vs idealism. Both are in-between positions here, the ES somewhat more materialist than all/most constructivists. But they differ on a whole complex of other questions (notably the view of language, rationality, analysts role, and IR theory/theories) and this brings the ES closer to classical realism and post-structuralism, than to constructivism.
- Ole Waever, 1999.

ARGH! Stop screwing with my mind! That was NOT what I thought the ES was! And how can you mention classical realism and post-structuralism in the same breath? How?!?! How could you? Now what am I supposed to do? Now I know nothing!

------ (edited)

Ok, now that I've calmed down somewhat.

It seems I always get stuck on the theory, esp. the definitions... largely because I still believe that half the argument is won by definitions and categorization. I never seem to get to the application of theory. Ok I admit, it's also partly because I prefer theory to application.

This was exactly what happened to my HT, which was supposed to be an application of theory, but ended up being a meaningless 10,000 word exposition on a minor theoretical point that I could have dealt with in 2 sentences. Oh the benefits of hindsight.

I have to stop reading these theory-related articles and actually get down to application. Soon. As soon as I've got this latest bit figured out.

News

Ancient Greek gods' new believers Followers of the 12 Greek Gods, who, according to mythology, ruled the Ancient World from Mount Olympus, have cast a thunderbolt at their Orthodox opponents.

This was inexplicably amusing to me. Well, not exactly inexplicably. Amusing largely because I've heard the example of 'pagan' worship used in polemics against Christianity so many times (you have 'faith' in your God, but these Greeks, guess what? they had 'faith' too!), it's sort of funny to know they're still around, alive and (kicking and stepping on people's toes).

BlogTV.sg
blogtv.sg is a programme where the blogosphere is transported onto the television screen. Different discussion topics each week are derived from the latest buzz in blogs - be it podcasts, video clips or pictures. Guest bloggers and experts from Singapore and around the world (it could be you!) come onto the show; have chats with our hosts through web cams and even 3G phones.

I should watch TV more often. There've already been 13 episodes on CNA (Channel News Asia, for those not in the know), and I've only just discovered (while surfing, not watching tv, of course).

As far as I can tell from the write-ups on each episode, they tend to focus on social (as opposed to political - again, the separation in Singaporean discourse between 'social' and 'political'. Sorry, I'm Singaporean after all.) issues, except for Ep.12: Big Boys Blogging, which just might cross the line into politics. Of course I wouldn't know how far they went, unless I bother downloading and watching the episode myself.

I find it really interesting though, that if you go to any of the BlogTV.sg pages, there's a column on 'Blogosphere News', much like the 'Business News' or 'Financial News' columns you see on other sites. The idea of a 'Singapore Blogosphere', I think, is gaining currency, and the reinforcement from the MSM will only transfer the idea to more non-bloggers.

Funny how I tend to see non-bloggers as the 'non-'/'different' now.

One turn away from the woods

I've been following this blog for some time, even though the author of the blog doesn't update very frequently nowadays.

The blog's author is a young lady who ended up living in her car on a quiet lane in the woods. She's now no longer homeless, and is about to publish a book. Having been a silent reader of her blog from before she clinched the book deal, I honestly feel very happy for her.

(I know it sounds as if I should start the next sentence with a 'but'. But there's no 'but' here.)

What I find intriguing and compelling about her story is how you can lose your way with just a few wrong turns, and when you look around, you suddenly find that you're all alone in the woods. And how there're probably many many others like her, who haven't had her good fortune.

Contentment

I've realized (with some surprise) that these days I've been more contented and comfortable than I've been in a long long time.

Yes, I whine about loads of stuff, like work, the weather, life and the universe.

But generally, I'm kind of happy.

Maybe it's got to do with my decision to not think about graduate studies/work yet. Maybe it's because of the free and easy (but horribly busy) schedule I have nowadays, allowing me to plan my time as I like (although that'll change soon). Maybe it's because my supervisor already has no illusions about me since I've totally let on that I'm prone to laziness and am unable to communicate with humans without making funny faces at them.

Somehow I feel unbeholden to anyone, no longer perpetually guilty about not being the person people think I am/expect me to be. Which is perhaps why nowadays I've acquired an alarming tendency to whine/act cute, which is the kind of person I really am inside, just that you never knew hehe...

We'll see how long this lasts. I've been hesitant about writing about my new-found contentment, because I'm never sure how temporary these things are. Probably by next week I'll be in the middle of an earth-shaking tragedy as I realise how hopelessly incompetent I am at managing a bunch of undergraduates.

Work

I need to start thinking about work. Seriously. So I'll combine work and blogging as usual.

I need to write a paper showing that ASEAN is an international society, and it'll probably be more difficult than I initially thought. I'll need to take on realism, constructivism (especially constructivism!) and I'll have to say a word or two on regime theory. The thing is, I have to distinguish between arguing for the merits of the English School and arguing that ASEAN is an international society. I'm so used to arguing the first that I've to be very careful not to mix up the 2 arguments (even though they obviously overlap). So... I know that regime theory is different from ES theories - but the question is, is a regime different from an international society?

Assuming I'm able to do that, I've got to look at the 'meat' of international society theory. What does it mean when you say a group of states form an international society? Since I'm adopting the Hedley Bull approach, I'll probably split it into rules and institutions. So I'll be looking at constitutive, coexistence and cooperative rules, and here I'll have to go back to the formal documents + the 'ASEAN Way'. I'll have to look at instances where these rules came into effect. I'll also have to look at balance of power as the primary primary institution, and see if balance of power in ASEAN fits Bull's framework. And then obviously I'll have to deal with the rest of the institutions. War, especially, stands out, and I'll have to deal with the difference between 'classical' ES theory and practice in ASEAN. Throughout this I'll probably have to keep mentioning common interests and values, and how these common interests and values led states to agree on common rules & institutions.

I suspect (especially when talking about bop) that I'll be borrowing a lot from my lecturer's own work. Which I don't like. I don't know how I can bring anything new, and I'd like to at least put up a small defence (however feeble) against my lecturer's arguments. So I should probably take a close look at his book (haha. sighz).

I can probably take issue with Narine's idea of Southeast Asian international society. (assuming the quote I have is representative of his work)

Note to self: when dealing with Constructivism I should also look at ASEAN-6 vs the rest, and then adopt Narine's point about identity not being a precondition for cooperation.

2nd note to self: I'll have to deal with the changes in the international society throughout ASEAN's history. ASEAN expansion would be a problem in terms of organization of the paper.

I'm writing another paper on performance legitimacy in Singapore, and how it has been shaped by discourses.

Surprisingly, I find that I'm more interested during discussions of Singapore politics than discussions about anything else.

For this one I want to narrow down what I mean by 'shaping' performance legitimacy. 'Shape' in what way?

I have to do more theoretical work on 'performance legitimacy'.

I'm also concerned about sources and causal links. So even though there's stuff in the secondary literature to back me up, I'll want to look at more recent official statements etc.

Hopelessly sleepy. Argh.

The blogs I read

Ghostinthewire asks in his entry on ideology and sinthomatic critique:

Can there be a thinking or a performance of criticism that does not repeat itself? Can we analyze and critically engage the social codes around us without participating in them?

Now I mention this not because I'm going to comment on his ideas. I actually don't know enough to make even a vaguely intelligent comment.

But I love reading posts with words like 'sinthomatic' and 'Lacanian' and 'metastasis'. I love these words to bits. They're like word-length poetry; there're so many ideas and concepts and histories (and many many books) squeezed into these few letters that they're quite overwhelming. They're tonnes of thinkers and books and other words cobbled together to form a word. They're such wonderfully delicious words! So many many many things in one! *delirious*

Yeah, and well, you get to learn something from posts like these too. I love all these intelligent people out there. They open doors that I never knew existed to worlds that I never knew existed. I get all excited and stuff. *strikes bimbo pose*

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
- Hamlet

Hmmm. Sinthomatic critique eh...

Oh, and one of my favourite poems (have I posted this before?):

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

- e.e.cummings

And... (indulge me) one of my favourite quotes:

His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through
the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all
the living and the dead.
- James Joyce

Scatter-brained me

I was so tired yesterday (because the day before I didn't sleep), I came home and went straight to bed. Well... actually I was hell-bent on watching tv, something that I haven't done in peace for ages, and therefore ended up sleeping on the sofa instead. During essay period I seldom sleep in my own bed. :P

Yesterday I forgot to raise the question that's been festering within during a meeting that was meant to answer our questions, and I had to email my query instead.

Today I accidentally took a reference book out of the library and didn't discover till it was a few hours too late. Which means I'll have to go back 1st thing tomorrow morning.

Then I realised I'd forgotten to bring my music teacher's CDs.

And then I left my violin in the long-suffering bf's place.

Argh someone save me from myself.

Imagination

Sometimes I really get tired of the rigour of academic research and writing. I re-read a few pages of Lord of the Rings just now, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. I keep feeling as if I have been neglecting something, and perhaps I've been forced to concentrate so much on rationality and logic that I've neglected the other forms of 'thinking'.

It's so wonderful to be able to let loose and not gnaw away at consistency and methodological precision and unstated assumptions etc. Even humour/wit has become a strain. And listening to good music is strenuous these days too, cos good music tends to short-circuit my brain into a state of frenzied ecstacy. The great thing about LOTR is the colours and songs that you can immerse in, and there's an unapologetic, gentle beauty about the textures of the story that is so different from the stuff I usually have to read. And I keep using the word 'texture' when describing LOTR, because I don't know what other word to use. 140pgs and it feels better than a nap. That's saying something.

*waves fist angrily at Fate, Gravity, and Circumstance*

I cracked my toenail while rushing for class because I was so sleepy. (Actually, what really happened was I stubbed my toe, fell on both hands and knees in the middle of the most populated canteen in the university, and then stared blankly - while still on the floor - at the blood oozing out from under my toenail for about half a minute. Glamorous eh.) Now my entire toe hurts, and I'm paranoid about people stepping on my injured toe. Which was why I came *this* close to screaming at people to get away from me on the MRT today.

So I started my first class of 2007 with a bleeding toenail. I also started my first class realizing that I hadn't copied my readings for that class. Well, at least I didn't do too badly for the book review that I was angsting about.*gloat*

My silly ass of a sister decided to take the module that I might be tutoring (still in denial). Thank goodness I've been assured that there is No Way she'll end up in my class. I keep feeling that I'm more trouble than help to the Dept though. We shall see.

My violin teacher still maintains that I'm on the edge of a great height and a long way down, of failing my exam. Actually, who am I kidding. I'm already off the cliff and reaching terminal velocity. (I know, I know, I never say anything new about my violin lessons).

I *heart* Mayday! They're so smooshy!

Breaking news

"I don't know how some people can be so effortlessly elegant," Friend comments as she brushes crumbs off herself.

"Yeah, totally." I start picking crumbs off myself too.

"They have such poise, such manners... and they know exactly which utensils to use." Friend looks pointedly at me while I pick my croissant up, ignoring fork and knife.

(My hazy impression of that very early Friday morning breakfast conversation. And I've kindly left Friend anonymous.)

.................................................

The bus-stop outside my house is right next to a semi-d, which houses one very big (and cute!) retriever (I'd say golden, but actually it looks off-white).

The reason I know this (despite the non-transparent fence that circles the semi-d) is because I regularly peer under fences (and toilet doors and skirts), and therefore spied four hairy (canine) legs. And because I like to fancy myself a FOD (friend of dogs), I always cluck away at it. It usually responds by lying flat on the ground next to the fence, and sticking its snout out at me, which is about all it can manage, given the fence. And I get to peer into the sad soulful eyes of a wolf-at-heart who would love to pounce on irritating-human-who-sounds (and probably tastes)-like-chicken and rip out my throat if not for this... darn... fence...

...............................................

At this same bus-stop yesterday, a School Bus made a slow and stately stop, and regurgitated a Small Boy.

This particular specimen of Small Boy must be privy to some Small Boy ritual that I'm ignorant of, cos I got quite a scare when he screamed 'TOILET PAPER' at the School Bus. And from within the cavernous depths of the School Bus came a 'TOILET PAPER' that was dripping with contempt and sounded very much like a kid-sized (but very heavy) gauntlet slapping the floor. Or a dirty martini cascading over coiffured hair and 1 inch of cosmetics in public.

A great fury rose from within the innermost core of our Small Boy, and behold! he shook with righteous indignation, a pale flush staining his lily cheeks. From that same innermost core (it's a big one, so it can hold things like 'great furies' and large amounts of half-digested candy), and with Herculean Effort, our Small Boy expelled a last 'TOILET PAPER!!!!!!' at the departing bus, a war-cry that seemed to vibrate through the whole of his defiant, youthful (if somewhat vertically challenged) being.

And then the enemy fled to fight another day, and pursuit was hopeless, and the battle over, and the toilet flushed, and the sun set upon the wealth of the earth, and the moon rose like a queen to her throne (and so on), so he allowed his maid to help him with his armour-disguised-as-school-bag, and made his weary way home.

.......................................................

One note to readers, this is a frivolous blog. It's pink. Therefore posts are not to be taken seriously. Therefore if I say that I'd like to pull someone's fingernails out and insert them in a painful manner under that same person's toenails before hanging said person from a cactus by his entrails, this means I might have made detailed plans. But that's all.

So when I say 'breaking news', it probably means 'nothing important'.

My Ultimate Romantic Songs list

I always forget how differently I behave in front of different people. Some people think I'm very mature and serious. It seems as if I've saved all my immaturity for long-suffering bf (LSB). You guys have no idea.

I'm in the mood for music today! But music really makes me tired. Anyways, I decided to compile my Ultimate Romantic Songs List! (URSL) (I've acronymised the world!)

I love this song:

That's All
Artist:Michael Buble

I can only give you love that lasts forever,
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all,
That's all

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter night
That's all,
That's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all.

Isn't it deliciously soppy? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Ok, next:

On the Street Where You Live

I have often walked down this street before;
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I
Several stories high.
Knowing I'm on the street where you live.

Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour
Out of ev'ry door?
No, it's just on the street where you live!

And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near.
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear!

People stop and stare.
They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.
Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live.

I've gotta admit I'm not a huge fan of the lyrics for this one. There is such a thing as TOO sappy. But the glorious romantic melody! The strings!

Well, from the same film, I like the lyrics of the next a lot more:

I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face Lyrics

I've grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I've grown accustomed to the tune that
She whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I was serenely independent and content before we met;
Surely I could always be that way again-
And yet I've grown accustomed to her look;
Accustomed to her voice;
Accustomed to her face

This one is such a tender little song... And I've got a thing for Prof Higgins, so... ;)

Ok, I've left out the sad romantic songs, and the non-English/Chinese ones. But my absolute absolute ultimate favourite romantic song would be:

追
張囯榮
曲:李迪文
詞:林夕

這一生也在進取 這分鐘卻挂念誰
我會說是唯獨你不可失去
好風光似幻似虛 誰明人生樂趣
我會說為情為愛仍然是對
誰比你重要 成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要 狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒
一追再追
只想追趕生命裏一分一秒 原來多麽可笑
你是真正目標
一追再追
追蹤一些生活最基本需要 原來早不缺少
有了你即使平凡卻最重要

好光陰縱沒太多 一分鐘那又如何
會與你共同渡過都不枉過
瘋戀多錯誤更多 如能重新做過
我會說願能為你提前做錯
誰比你重要 成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要 狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒
一追再追
只想追趕生命裏一分一秒 原來多麽可笑
你是真正目標
一追再追
追蹤一些生活最基本需要 原來早不缺少
有了你即使平凡卻最重要

只想追趕生命裏一分一秒 原來多麽可笑
你是真正目標
一追再追
追蹤一些生活最基本需要 原來早不缺少
只得你會較我仿佛人群裏最重要
有了你即使沉睡了
也在笑

I'll fall in love straightaway with any guy who sings this to me, I swear.　

I'm sure I left many songs out. Tsk. Too tired to think.

Ok, let me go swoon now (or rather, let me go read my book now).

Music and Mess

Music of the Hemispheres
“When we saw all this activity going on precisely in sync, in this order, we knew we had the smoking gun,” he said. “We’ve always known that music is good for improving your mood. But this showed precisely how it happens.”

Saying Yes to Mess
An anti-anticlutter movement is afoot, one that says yes to mess and urges you to embrace your disorder. Studies are piling up that show that messy desks are the vivid signatures of people with creative, limber minds (who reap higher salaries than those with neat “office landscapes”) and that messy closet owners are probably better parents and nicer and cooler than their tidier counterparts. It’s a movement that confirms what you have known, deep down, all along: really neat people are not avatars of the good life; they are humorless and inflexible prigs, and have way too much time on their hands.

I'd really like to believe this. Mainly because I've been working for months in my living room because there's no more space on my bedroom floor or table for me and my laptop.

It's all in the name.

Quiz: how will you die? (detailed anwsers with wonderful morbid pics)

..... oh-kay. 'wonderful morbid pics' eh.

I'll probably die of either boredom or lack of sleep. Stick around to see which gets me first. *suspense*

Happy new year.

What do you think I'm doing on NYE?

Womb environment 'makes men gay'
A man's sexual orientation may be determined by conditions in the womb, according to a study.

Of course I haven't read the report, so don't ask me about methodological flaws etc.

The same story at Scientific American: Having Older Brothers Increases a Man's Odds of Being Gay

Porcine humour

the transcendental pig: A picture-thinking xmas special! - really funny, if a little erudite.

Post-Christmas Nostalgia

Boxing Day early afternoon. It's still raining, and outside my balcony, the birds are flying low and crazily, like stunt pilots gone wild. I'm feeling lazy, and my violin teacher is pissed with me again.

It was a pretty quiet Christmas, largely because I wasn't where I expected to be, and because my family very smartly decided to repair our 2 PCs on Christmas (and repairs lasted till midnight). I gave the bf a choice between listening to me sing songs over the phone or proving once and for all that he really really really doesn't love me.

I spent the rest of the night after that remembering all the friends I did not have the ability to hold on to.

Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas.

Quote courtesy of Jean, who SMSed it to me in the morning, as I was waking up from hazy dreams of those who're no longer by my side.

Because I'm not as forward-looking as most of you think.

March Odyssey (三月天一征) by NUS Chinese Orchestra (新加坡国立大学华乐团)

Doing a bit of a promotion for a friend. Do go if you're curious about/ interested in/ enjoy Chinese music!

1st Christmas on justareed

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy the celebrations and/or break from work!

I've been complaining about work these few days. But the moment I get free time I happily, voluntarily start researching. Because I want to. Go figure. I think that probably the best way to get me to do work is to give me a holiday.

Curse of the Golden Flower is a good show. Go forth and watch! Unfortunately Jay is a really really really lousy actor. In the only scene where he had any real acting to do, people actually laughed. You've gotta do better than that, Jay. Especially since everyone else on the cast is a pretty good actor/actress. But I like the song hee.

Holiday mood rant

I really really need a holiday. I need the type of holiday where everyone gets drunk and we're all too busy having fun to even think about work. Cos guess what? I'll have to bring work with me wherever I go... again. So I need the type of holiday that I usually avoid (usually I want to read).

I'm in the 2nd trimester now (cue pregnancy jokes), but really, it feels like it's been one whole, extra-long, upsized semester.

You working types will probably laugh at my lack of stamina. But I swear studying takes more out of you. (but who am I to say?)

I'm so tired. The past 2 assignments were literally started and completed on the day they were due. Looks like tomorrow's assignment will be the same. I'm so tired, I don't even care about the quality of my papers anymore. I've actually written things I knew were wrong (or rather, very dubious), but I put them in anyway. Anything to get rid of the assignment.

Perhaps part of the problem is I haven't been skipping class. Yes, I know, the sun's been rising from the west these days, or haven't you noticed? I feel compelled to go to class in a way I haven't felt since my primary school days. Not because I particularly enjoy the classes, but simply because.

I hate regular schedules with a vengeance. Even though I only go to school twice a week, I hate the thought of having no choice but to go to school on those 2 days. It starts out as a small irritant, a small loss of freedom, a small price paid. Then after a while, it starts getting on my nerves, and I start feeling really restricted. And school's so far away (by public transport), and it's been raining these days. But I go anyway.

Plus, as always, you don't see me anywhere without my readings. I'm starting to hate that these readings seem to have taken over my life. Even if I don't read them, I take them everywhere, and I keep planning my schedule around them (implementation is another matter). I'm starting to crave being able to take a minuscule/microscopic bag out with me... one that is less than A4, less than A5 even. Something that only has space for cash and lipstick and cell. In fact, I'm tempted to just leave my cell at home.

And no, there's no rest for the weary this holidays. Happy holidays to the happy people of the world anyway. *bitter*

I've been ultra-whiny these few days. Apologies to all, especially long-suffering bf.

Also, looks like I've to reluctantly turn down get-tipsy offer from J, cos my family's travelling early Sat morn. Thanks for the offer though. I'm really tempted, and if everything had been different... *sighs regretfully*

*whine*

Well, hopefully with that out of my system I can finally start writing this darn review.

This is ruining my life

Why is no one impressed by my newfound ability (thanks to James）to type in Chinese? 爲什麽?

Why I need a thesis supervisor with a sense of humour

Thesis Sup (referring to outline): So, what do you mean by 'ASEAN multilateralism'?

Me: Erm... well... I guess the ASEAN Way? Wait, what am I thinking. Erm... give me a minute. *closes eyes, opens eyes, but he hasn't disappeared yet* I guess I mean ASEAN attempts at multilateral diplomacy?

...

TS: What is this section supposed to accomplish?

Me: Hmmm. I think I thought that with this section, I could... *blah*

...

TS: Ok, so you can review this book for next Friday.

Me: Erm, the deadline for the book review is this Friday.

TS: The deadline is this Friday and you haven't even chosen your book?

Me: *laughs nervously* *bites tongue to stop self from telling him I also have an essay due tomorrow that I haven't started on*

(Yes, I know my classmates talked to you about the book review like, 3 weeks ago. Damn those civil servants.)

...

TS: What is your writing style? Are you the type who waits till the last minute to write or...

Me: *nods emphatically*

TS: I had a feeling you would say that.

Me: *kicks self for nodding too emphatically*

...

TS: It sounds exciting.

Me: *realizing that nothing is going to improve my image, sticks tongue out at him and tries to act cute*

In the end, I waltzed out of his office with a pink, furry halo of hard-earned bimboticness.

He saw the sheen of stark panic in my eyes, and verily, he was amused.

This is also the reason why I avoid meeting my supervisors until I've submitted my thesis. Just so they don't get scared off.

Studying the wrong thing

Ed, pls note.

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Yay consistency :P

Too much drama

I figured that if I was going all the way to the airport, I might as well go there early so I could study there.

Unfortunately, I didn't count on me being me. I was so bored and sleepy, I locked myself in a toilet cubicle, just so I didn't have to act like a normal, functional adult.

If you haven't realised (which tends to be the case for people who don't lock themselves in toilet cubicles unless absolutely necessary), a toilet cubicle is a boring place unless you have pressing matters to attend to inside the cubicle. And being a product of modern society, my sole source of entertainment was my handphone. So I started taking pictures of myself in the cubicle (from the neck up only!). If anybody is interested, I've got a rather boring sound recording of people washing their hands.

Maybe I'll tell you about my encounters (all in the past week!) with hookers, sex maniacs, film-makers and civil servants some other time.

PS. If you think you know the author of this blog, let me assure you that you've got it all wrong. That girl you know? She would never consider locking herself in the toilet for 20 mins. Never. And the handphone antics? Not a chance. Just remember the next time you see her, She Didn't Write This. In fact, she spent those 20mins identifying her dissertation research question and she finished the 3 books she brought with her to the airport. Yeah, that's what she did.

Another bad day

I've got no grandparents left.

Bad day

I've been an idiot :P Ah well, what's new?

Research is essentially a solitary enterprise. It's simply learning and knowing and thinking... all by yourself. Even if you discuss with someone else, or work in a team, you're all on your own. The thoughts are all yours, the work's all yours. Even if you get a research assistant, there's no escaping it. Writing is so individualistic, I can't see how any academic can survive without an invincible self-esteem. When it comes to academia, I have a huge inferiority complex. :P

The past few weeks have been so hectic, and I've been constantly surrounded by people, so it's difficult to get back into research mode. Usually I'm good with solitude. I like solitude. Solitude tastes like tea without sugar or milk. Tea without sugar and milk is my alone-drink. But solitude + research + out of town bf really takes some getting used to.

I'm not a sports person. Far from it. But as long as I'm not wearing heels and not carrying too much stuff, no one's ever been able to outwalk me. I walk when I can't get my thoughts straightened out (which is often the case these days). Unfortunately, walking doesn't straighten my thoughts out. Looks like walking is my substitute for thinking. Sometimes I miss having someone walk with me.

Argh I'm so worn out.

Frailty, thy name is woman!

被爱的女人
李玟
作词：许常德　作曲：郭子　编曲：钱幽兰

在镜子前面 我是个被爱的女人
他站在门外　这个周末我可以依赖在他的胸怀
在情人面前　我还是单身的女人
爱若缺了缘份
我想我只能用情至深
但不能太认真
为什么被爱　有时却觉得悲哀
为什么我还是害怕一个人醒来
为什么相爱　日子却依然空白
为什么你　走不到我的未来
让爱固定下来　我不会永远青春可爱
我的美丽要你的温柔帮我保留下来
让爱固定下来　我和你　不要不要分开
我不要爱一再一再彩排
我不是每次失恋后都能从新再来

Words heard

Seen in a female mag - 'chiffon and ruffles for a Marie Antoinette chic'. What? The headless kind?

Seen on cubicle doors of Far East toilet (female of course) - 'bidet'. Like your regular Far East-going population would know what a 'bidet' is.

Actually, I haven't really had the chance to talk about the trip to Taipei. What struck me most was how so many people were interested in freedom of speech/democracy/blogs. (My paper was on politicized blogging in S'pore, which has nothing to do with what I'm studying now, but heck.) The comment I received most frequently was 'I was listening to your presentation, and I was struck by how similar your country is to mine!' Hmmm.

If you look closely at the news, you'll find plenty of blog-related developments. Eg. China may make bloggers give ID. Thanks to James for this one, I've just stopped keeping tabs after I got the paper over and done with. :P

Oh, and let me whine about how Singapore's bookstores never carry the books I need. *whine*

In the Mood for Music

Argh this isn't a time for one of my music moods to come along. I don't have the time.

Digging up all my old CDs, and listening to songs I haven't listened to for a long long time. I can't seem to concentrate on anything else when I'm in this mood. (besides blogging that is)

Listening to someone's playing for the 1st time is an important thing for me, largely because it's just important lar. Don't ask me why. :P

And I really don't have the time. Argh.

Oh, and I don't just need a bag. I need The Bag. The kind of bag Superman brings to the Sun when his arms are occupied with carrying Lois Lane and he's got no pockets to store his toiletries and the Empire State Building (all the better to swing around, my dear). The kind of bag that laughs at the thought of falling apart because it is Superman's Choice. The kind of bag that will never break before my shoulder does, and preferably the kind of bag that I can hang around my neck/waist/toe even after my shoulder breaks. Because I'm just so tired of having bags fall apart on me.

Incoherent thoughts

The weather sucks in Singapore.

The work piled up like crazy while I was away. Which sucks.

I'm sleepy. That sucks too.

I need to start working on that thesis! (and to stop sleeping! I'm not even jetlagged!)

I still have a lot to learn when it comes to relationships of all kinds.

I hate going for official dinners. I really REALLY hate it like crazy. But I don't seem to have a choice. Argh.

I wasted 65SGD today. Sighz.

I really can't think of anything coherent to say. Too tired.

back from taipei

Just got back from Taipei, which is a really lovely city. I'm in love with the people there haha... and the international delegates as well! *big muackz*

I guess I learnt a lot too. However, now's not the time to talk about that. Just finished settling some stuff, really braindead, and off to either get some sleep or play the piano.

But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

out of town

Flying off in a couple of hours. Won't be back till end of next week.

Bises to all, and a big muackz for the darling bf.

Wish me luck people, I'm operating on no sleep.

A bientot!

This is funny!

So what's with all the dinosaurs?
The world's first Creationist museum - dedicated to the idea that the creation of the world, as told in Genesis, is factually correct - will soon open. Stephen Bates is given a sneak preview and asks: was there really a tyrannosaurus in the Bible?
I love the mailing list I'm on. I'm always astounded at the weird people who actually walk the earth. That, my dear, is the real miracle.

tragedy of epic proportions

*panic*

My violin teacher has been mumbling, crone-like, throughout my classes, and all I can make out are ominous phrases like 'late again' 'going to fail' 'grade 8' 'needs practice' 'newt's tail'.

My thesis sup has very nicely allowed extended my deadline, but has glared at me in class when I resolutely refuse to contribute to the discussion (largely because I haven't read for the class). He has also reminded me that whatever the case, I must see him by the end of the year. Which means I get an extension of about... 1? 2? weeks. Not enough.

I'm trying to console myself for the failure of a test I haven't taken. I know I won't pass already.

My readings are piling up, and I'm going to miss 2 very important classes.

It looks like next year I'll be making another major commitment.

I need this trip to be over and done with.

*cry*

Neurosis

Today in school I saw a girl wearing a familiar t-shirt. It turned out to be the GEP 20th anniversary shirt. My first reaction was utter disgust, cos who goes around wearing a GEP shirt? Your primary school shirt, no problem. I walked around in a 1993 Teochew clan association t-shirt inherited from my cousin (who probably got it for free) until I finally decided to dump it in 2005. Do the maths yourself. I've got saucy t-shirts that amuse my friends to no end and have raised a few eyebrows (eg. at the Student Affairs Office today). But a GEP t-shirt is plain bad taste.

Ah... the neurosis. Golden Rule: Never let anyone know you're a gepper unless under torture or insistent questioning. If you break this rule you're an arrogant show-off. Geppers should be aware of the dirtiness of their past and should be properly defensive and secretive about that bloody period of their lives. (it's like being an ex-Nazi in Israel. You don't exactly go around sporting Hitler memorabilia.) This rule does not apply if you're blogging.

It also seems as if geppers combine an overweening, arrogant sense of destiny with a neurotic (that word again!) but similarly arrogant inferiority complex. Geppers are supposed to achieve everything, and if they haven't, they wander about all day wondering why they haven't become the 1st Singaporean to become the President of the United States yet and angsting about whether this means that they're actually (I can't even say this without an existential fear gripping my being {haha}) dumb.

Geppers also like to blame their disastrous lives, lack of social skills, poor grades, emotional breakdowns, relationship problems, lack of direction, inability to finish work on time, even their successes that are actually failures (omg why did I get an A when I actually wanted a B?) on GEP. Geppers are therefore sincerely apologetic for not being grateful enough for the unfair advantages conferred upon them by the use of taxpayers' money.

Note: pls ignore all generalizations made in this post.

Violin teacher

Violin teacher: That candidate failed. And he played 10 times better than you.

Do you count that as having a way with words? Or just (brutal) honesty?

Argh I'm going to fail my violin exams!!!!!!!!!!!!! (& my classes, and my diss., and my DELF!)

Tentative songs for my wedding (that no one will recognize except J) (just indulge me. I'm female):

- That's All (Buble)
- East of the Sun (& West of the Moon) (Sinatra)
- Me & My Gal (Kelly & Garland)
- Mine (I've got the track, don't know the singers)
- The Way You Look Tonight (Sinatra)
- Come Fly with Me (Sinatra) --> for honeymoon!
- Moon River
- Quand On S'Aime (french duet by unknown singers on the CD someone hasn't returned to me after 2 yrs. *ahem*)
- Aren't you kind of glad we did (Garland duet)
- Let's Call the Whole Thing Off (Louis & Ella) --> if I'm feeling cheeky hehe
- Can This Be the End of the Rainbow --> to finish off

Hee that's all I can think of now. Unfortunately, I don't think I get to decide wedding tracks. Sighz.

And no one's supposed to use this list for their wedding!

These songs make me happy! They're smiley songs.

*slaps self out of bimbo mode* Back to work.

Can you join MI6 as a linguist?

Check Your Skills We are currently looking for linguists with written and spoken fluency in Arabic, Persian, Urdu, Chinese and Spanish. We will be recruiting for other languages at a later date so if your skills are in other languages please bookmark this site and keep checking it.
Click on the language you are interested in to test your skills.

I pass the test for Chinese... But for French, if I get 3 (actually 3.5!) out of 5 right (and after much hair-tearing), would they still consider me?

It seems that the Chinese test is easier than the French one (I don't understand the rest, sorry). I mean, a write-up on a simple survey vs an exposition on Debussy?

Hey... no wonder I didn't get all the French ones right. (haha...)

Disclaimer: I have no intention of joining MI6, I think James Bond is a bit of a bastard, and I'm not Brit anyway.

BBC again

Searching for 'our alien origins'
The late Sir Fred Hoyle and Professor Chandra Wickramasinghe have been the champions of "Panspermia", the idea that life on Earth originated on another planet.

Pakistan votes to amend rape laws
Pakistan's national assembly has voted to amend the country's strict Sharia laws on rape and adultery.

Missed opportunities

I'm in my "did I do the right thing" mode again.

What I chose to do for one year saved me a lot of money, opened a few doors and allowed me to do some of the things I've been meaning to do. Unfortunately, my choice also closed a lot of doors that, if someone had only bothered to tell me about earlier, I'd have jumped at the chance to enter. I guess it can't be helped, since these other doors didn't even exist when I made my choice.

Sighz.

Ah well, time to go practise that darn violin. Busy busy busy...

(btw, I'm using the new blogger. If it screws up and my entire blog is lost, I'll announce it on MSN.)

My original colour

I wanted to buy concealer, because I'd finished my last pot after... 1?2? years? (yes, I know you're not supposed to keep them for that long). Because I'm an idiot when it comes to makeup, I asked the salesgirl to help me choose a colour.

Salesgirl: What's your original colour?

Me: *chortle*

*imaginary conversation ensues*

Me: Oh, I used to be this lovely shade of royal purple, but it's so difficult to match clothes and accessories. I mean, I could only wear gold, green, silver and white! So I got a new paint job.

Sg: I know what you mean! I was born scarlet myself, and trust me, while it's striking, you look like a walking bull's eye. And I got all these jokes during Chinese New Year...

Me: Ya, it's so difficult choosing skin colour these days, especially since we have to blend in with this yellow crowd here...

Sg: Totally! By the way, when was the last time the mothership contacted you?

*imaginary conversation ends*

Sg (looks mildly offended): Because when people get a tan, I usually ask them to go back to their original colour before getting makeup.

Me: Oh... right...

It's over!

The end of my misery and the beginning of my embarrassment. I've just submitted a really lousy paper that I'll probably have to present to a strange, hostile, condescending audience.

I decided to travel beyond my safe, familiar neighbourhood to explore the world. And of course beyond my safe, familiar neighbourhood, big bad wolves lurk. I think I just lost a limb or two.

*cries her way home*

I'll never take risks again!

(see NUS Graduate Employment Survey below. Now you know what my honest answer is.)

NUS Graduate Employment Survey 2006

This is Q.39 from the survey (see title)

39. What are your reasons for not being interested in becoming an entrepreneur?
(Please check boxes that are applicable)
1. Afraid to undertake risk - I prefer to stay within my comfort zone.
2. An entrepreneur is born, not made.
3. Culture in Singapore is not suitable for entrepreneurship.
4. Difficult to obtain government grants and subsidies.
5. Difficult to obtain information on entrepreneurship.
6. Domestic market is too small to support market players.
7. Education system here does not encourage initiative.
8. Fear approaching others to discuss my business concepts.
9. Fear of failure.
10. Lack of personal financial resources (e.g. savings & liquid assets) to pull off entrepreneurship.
11. Lack of support from my parents and relatives.
12. Lack of support from my peers.
13. Lack the persona for it.
14. Lack the skill sets required of entrepreneurship (e.g. communication, strategic thinking & networking).
15. Need a regular job to finance commitments (e.g. support siblings & parents, paying for the apartment, etc).
16. No idea what business to pull off.
17. Not fortunate enough to be born into a conducive environment (e.g. educated parents, old money, etc).
18. Not inspired - there is a lack of success stories that I can identify with.
19. Not interested in Local Market - better opportunities elsewhere.
20. Parents have expectations of what I should be.
21. Usually do not plan so far ahead. I just see where life goes from here.
22. Others (Please specify)

I chose others, and specified: i've other goals. y do these options associate lack of interest in biz with some sort of deficiency?

I don't really understand this. Is this some type of ideological manipulation where they hope that by forcing you to associate negative traits with lack of entrepreneurial desire you'll feel obliged to become an entrepreneur?

Argh

I keep doing work without accomplishing anything. Bad.

I'm notoriously bad at keeping in contact with old friends. Just realized I haven't heard from/seen a particular friend in 1? 2? year(s)? Darn, I can't even remember.

The last I saw her she was flying off somewhere... and for the life of me I can't remember where. She should be somewhere in UK I think...

I don't know if she's still using the same number/email add, but I sent her an email anyway.

Hmmm. Argh I'm lousy at this.

behind the news again

Hey I just realised Saddam has been sentenced to death!

(And you all wonder how I could survive political science for 4 years.)

But the whole episode just makes me a little sad.

I don't like the death sentence, not even in this case.

It's not going to solve anything, you know.

gloating

Gloat.

Gloat.

Gloat some more.

Mwahahahaha I got the dissertation supervisor I wanted! *does crazy dance*

Gloat.

Gloat.

Ok enough of that.

The ceiling light in my bedroom is making a humming/buzzing noise that only my sis and I can hear. If I didn't know better I'd think it's some kind of divine/satanic/ghostly/alien communication directed specifically at myself and my worthy sibling.

I do know better, so when the jack-of-all-trades uncle came by to help us with various stuff today (aka the leaky toilet, the busted light - yes, my house is falling apart), I asked him if he could help me with it. Nope, he can't hear the noise. Nope, his assistant can't hear it either. It didn't help that my mum kept saying that no one could hear it but my sister and I. They looked at me strangely.

Hmmm.

Hello? Is anyone out there? Are you trying to tell us something? Stop mumbling like Jay and tell us what you want.

Gloat.

plasticine lizard

A strange-looking lizard died in the middle of my living room. For some reason it looked fake, like a lizard made of dark brown plasticine... Being the coward that I am, I ran into my bedroom while my mum got rid of it.

I like baby lizards. They're cute.

In a Rut (just my life in general)

My brain can't wrap itself round the idea of writing a paper that has nothing to do with politics... I find myself reading for a political angle even though That Is Not What I Want. Maybe I should give up the fight and just write something on politics.

And I keep thinking about the paper I submitted on Friday, largely because it's for the module that I lost 25% for during the exams, so I really need to do well for that essay. Unfortunately, procrastination being a hard habit to break, I submitted a really dubious paper. Sighz.

My poor darling honeymunchkins is not feeling well, so being the sweet, committed girlfriend I am, I went out with my girl friends today and bought a ridiculously expensive tin of safflower & orange flower cookies. Which I'm going to eat because my darling honeymunchkins shouldn't be eating expensive cookies right now. Get well soon, honeymunchkins! *sends smooches from afar*

Back from failing the exams!

A government for all its intelligence, is nothing if it lacks empathy.

I think that the reason why we don’t seem to have much of a heart, is because our current administration is, apart from the grassroots, highly divorced from the ground. The scholars are the best of the best, the brightest of the brightest; with degrees from Oxbridge or the Ivy Leagues, and who have near perfect GPAs and CCA records. But how many of our administrators can see things from the other side? Do we actually go and visit a 2 room flat infested with bed bugs and talk to the people living there? When we talk about a “world-class” transport system, do our reviewers actually get onto the buses during peak hours and experience for themselves what it is like to be all squished up with every single other person around? I even remember someone telling me, that one of the new P65 MPs had actually said that before he joined the grassroots, he didn’t know that developed countries still had poor people.

Yep, I'm done with my exams! The first went off the richter scale in terms of damage done, and today's paper, compared to the first, was not too bad. I solemnly swear I shall not misread the question and lose 25% of my grade ever again. I also solemnly swear I shall never again be unmotivated and lazy, or else I shall be forced to repeat this same oath.

On to the essays!

SDU

Woohoo I now have SDU membership. Watch out, all you single, eligible male graduates (since SDU doesn't care about non-graduates), I'm here to flirt your socks off!

SDU's personalised/exclusive services are "[for] the completely confident member who wants total control." [emph mine]

Uh-huh. Right. There's never such a thing as trying too hard right.

Despondency and Cynicism

Post from one of my now favourite blogs.

Like IPU, But older and cooler

Discordianism

Discordianism is a modern, chaos-based religion founded in either 1958 or 1959. It has been described as both an elaborate joke disguised as a religion, and as a religion disguised as an elaborate joke. Some of its followers make the claim that it is "a religion disguised as a joke disguised as a religion" (or "a joke disguised as a religion disguised as a joke disguised as..."). It has also been described as "Zen for roundeyes," and converges with some of the more absurdist interpretations of the Rinzai school.

Hahahahaha

Sorry, this all just sounds too familiar. Terribly amused.

One for the ladies: How to date a geek guy?

Movie log (14 Oct-22 Oct 06)

You, Me & Dupree - This is not my fault. The bf gave me a choice between Silk & this.

Black Dahlia - Creepy at parts, but fun. Sniggered throughout the show, full of outrageous characters and (to me) nostalgic plots.

My Summer of Love - Cool show! I loved it.

Don't ask me why I'm watching so many movies. *cry*

'Tis a crazy world - BBC stories

Experts create invisibility cloak
A US-British team of scientists has successfully tested a cloak of invisibility in the laboratory.

Oslo gay animal show draws crowds
Curators say a Norwegian exhibition on homosexuality among animals has been well received, despite initial indications of strong opposition.

But there has been strong interest in an aspect of animal behaviour the museum says is quite common.

It says homosexuality has been observed among 1,500 species, and that in 500 of those it is well documented.

Thieves spend £15,000 on sweets
A gang who swindled £20,000 out of a Belfast pensioner's bank account spent his savings on luxury chocolates.

More convulsions of outrage

More rants.

I'm disturbed by all those ads for the handicapped pleading with 'society' to let them contribute, because they're all useful people. I can't remember the exact wording of the ads, but it goes something to the effect of 'I can contribute too.'

When I was in my final year of undergrad, I went to ICA in a futile attempt to apply for citizenship. I shall ignore the misinformation that led to me going to ICA twice. On my 2nd visit, I was trying to pin down the eligibility criteria (which I couldn't find on online) by interrogating (yes, I was miffed that I filled in all those forms and went down twice) the counter staff. I suppose the lady was so frustrated with me, she finally said it didn't matter even if I got my degree, because "as long as you don't have a job, you don't have any value."

When the lady at the counter said that, I was shell-shocked. My mother (who was with me at that time) told me later that I looked as if I was going to cry.

It is a bitterness and sense of betrayal I've not quite let go of. I've lived here all my life. I love this place. Unlike many of my Singaporean friends, I do not want to emigrate. I love Singapore more than many Singaporeans, and I love it, not because of National Day Parades or standards of living. I love Singapore because of the memories and the people. I know about the economic rationality that seems to underlie government policy here. However, this is the first time I've personally confronted it in its most blatant, undisguised form. I am Singaporean, but the state does not recognise me as such because I don't have a job.

I know that at some point in my life, I will be able to apply successfully. This is not about a failed application attempt. It is about the way the state (or rather, the government) perceives us, its people.

I know every country does this, but there is something fundamentally wrong with seeing people in terms of the economic utility 'society' can get from them. There is something profoundly disturbing about the way the Singapore government (and perhaps, other governments) treat people as commodities, units of labour, for example, in their pro-family policy (increase the amount of future labour) and their education policies (improve the quality of labour).

People are not units of labour to be used, moved around, redesigned, discarded for the welfare of society and state. The state exists for the benefit of individuals. The government is not meant to rule us. It is meant to serve us.

The Singapore PRs, the foreigners, the handicapped, the homosexuals, the unemployed, the elderly... these are not true 'members' of society, they are not to be acknowledged as true members of society unless they can prove themselves 'useful'. And even then, acceptance might only be fleeting and superficial. How can the marginalised be accepted? The marginalised have to prostrate themselves before the altar of economic rationality, and beg to be used.

Liberal democracy

I once went for a job interview with the civil service (I won't say which ministry) that involved job applicants having a little 'discussion' on an assigned topic. One topic was the Prophet cartoons and the huge row they made elsewhere. The topic was initially left open-ended (ie. discuss the cartoons), so we could focus on any aspect of the issue. Halfway through the discussion, however, the facilitator suggested we talk about why there was no such ruckus in Singapore.

After a few suggestions were thrown out, the facilitator stepped in again, and 'suggested' that 'perhaps' the reason there was no unhappiness in Singapore was the success of the government's multi-racial, multi-religious policies.

The facilitator asked us whether we thought it was important for Singapore to maintain its multi-racial policies... and there was a whole chorus of vehement, ringing 'yes'. (and I mean this literally. I kid you not.) We're all Made in Singapore after all. No, I didn't act any differently.

And that section of the discussion ended there. (the other topic we had to discuss was how to get graduates to marry each other and reproduce... and no, we didn't discuss if this was something the government should do.)

Ok, maybe since it was a job interview, people felt compelled to go along with the facilitator. I certainly felt that way. Nevertheless, the way the agenda for the discussion was set by the facilitator, and the way we had our opinions spoon-fed to us was really disappointing.

I wonder if the facilitators or organizers thought about the fact that while they're evaluating us for the job, we're also evaluating them as potential employers. It could be that they thought the prestige (and salary) that went with the job was enough to buy anyone over. It also makes you wonder what kind of people eventually end up in the high levels of the civil service, if such people are picked through selections like this.

During a class discussion, a student who worked for some time in the civil service commented that it was not fair for the Western liberal democracies to tell countries like Singapore to 'liberalize' since they don't know what is best for us. Funny, isn't that usually the argument for liberal democracy? That the government does not, cannot know what is best for the people?

I'm not saying there're no liberal or dissenting voices within the civil service. I'm just wondering if these unorthodox voices are ignored. Perhaps those of you in the civil service will know the situation better. As for myself, I'm pretty discouraged by my 'encounters of the third kind'.

There will be some of you who'll tell me that each company has its own orthodoxies that employees have to follow. I agree entirely. However, politics is a different ballgame altogether. A government is not a company. You can leave a company if you want to, even risking a period of unemployment. You don't have an emotional attachment to the company the way you might have to your country. Your company doesn't permeate all areas of your life, from your marriage, to your entertainment on tv, to your utility bills. I hope. Politics is emotional, it is about the things we value the most - life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I'm supposed to be studying now! But you see, ever since I stopped being apathetic, I've been so consumed by regular bouts of outrage that I've stopped being productive as well.

Another foreign voice

This Iraqi blog speaks for itself.

I’ve said goodbye this last month to more people than I can count. Some of the ‘goodbyes’ were hurried and furtive- the sort you say at night to the neighbor who got a death threat and is leaving at the break of dawn, quietly.

Some of the ‘goodbyes’ were emotional and long-drawn, to the relatives and friends who can no longer bear to live in a country coming apart at the seams.

Many of the ‘goodbyes’ were said stoically- almost casually- with a fake smile plastered on the face and the words, “See you soon”… Only to walk out the door and want to collapse with the burden of parting with yet another loved one.

It is difficult for us in Singapore to imagine life in Iraq. I have seen a life like that, but only in my worst nightmares.

it's been a long day

I actually watched 2 movies today, The Fog of War and Les Amants Reguliers.

The first was ok, interesting enough. McNamara is, of course, an intriguing character, and it's nice to hear his version of what happened. I thought it was really touching when he broke down while talking about JFK's death though (I'm a sucker for these things). Sometimes we forget that presidents are humans with friends and loved ones too.

Les Amants Reguliers was an elegant, elegiac film, starting with the 1968 riots, and moving on from there. I don't know why, but I was entranced by the quality of the film... and here I really mean how sharp the images were, and how that enhanced the beauty of the black and white images. The shadows and lighting were beautiful...

Anyway, it starts off with idealism and violence and revolutionary ideas, and hopes. And slowly all that gets stripped away, and everyone is gradually co-opted into the system. Disappointment sets in, and weariness, and then resignation. The people who'd been with the protagonist during the riots gradually leave him. All head for a better life. Some hold on to the idea of the revolution, but descend into buffoonery as their ineffectual efforts testify to the lost cause. Most others abandon the cause and become 'bourgeois'. The 'Establishment', at first seen by the protagonist as these 'lousy bastards' who clobber women and sneak up on barricades, are actually nice, genial, if shrewd old men... But they're part of the system nonetheless, and they triumph in the end, as the police officer pronounces the protagonist dead. Dead, not fighting for the revolution, but dead from a lousy drug overdose. Death of youth, death of love, death of ideals, death of hope, death of dreams...

The film was very slow, and lasted 3 hours. Only 2/3 of the audience was left by the time we were done. And I think it's a pity that we've become so used to fast-paced Hollywood flicks that we can't adjust ourselves to the pace of slower (but better) films. We can't seem to wait for pleasure anymore, but I think patience is exactly what we need. You don't really understand in the first few minutes of the film; you need to wait for its full flowering to be able to appreciate it. But if you get bored by the end of 10 minutes, then you don't get to taste the many textures and emotions of the film. It was a very 'whole', 'completed' work, and I know that if I could watch it another time, I'd get more out of it, because there's so much more to it.

I loved the frames where the actors/actresses stayed very still for very long... It was not that they froze the frame. The actors just stayed still, but you could tell because they couldn't really stay perfectly still. It was like a 'live' portrait, very aesthetically pleasing. (most of them were portrait shots)At times I thought the actors/actresses looked like flowers in their fragility and their 'aliveness' and their stillness. It's as if the director had wanted that moment of time frozen forever, like an old photograph, yet better, because this photograph breathed and lived.

And the sense of history in the film... Perhaps the director assumed mistakenly (this is Singapore after all) that the popular history of 'barricades in the Latin Quarter' was known to the audience. I don't think some people got the references.

Anyway, I'm hopelessly tired. I think I over-committed myself. Usually I'm very careful about giving myself enough time and space (because I'm both extremely introverted and a low energy level creature). Unfortunately this time I thought maybe for once, I could forget about that and go all out. As a result I'm exhausted. The languages I'm learning, music, school, films, the thesis, the extra papers that I might have to write even... I want to do all of that very very badly. But I'm tired, very rapidly losing my sense of humour, and currently, my thoughts feel like a swarm of intoxicated bees.

Preliminary notes (hermeneutics)

taken from this site

Heidegger

Hans Georg Gadamer
- ontological hermeneutics
- fusion of horizons - dialectical relations between texts of past and understanding of present self - Gadamer's version of the hermeneutic circle
- challenges scientific approaches - truth & objectivity - the endpoint of knowledge (Emilio Betti, Eric D. Hirsch)

Habermas
- Gadamer negates ability to reason free from history & context (Rawls?)
- Gadamer not entirely wrong, but mistakenly posits universality of hermeneutics
- solution: universal pragmatics - communicative rationality - hermeneutics + emancipation

Ricoeur
- need emancipation & critical reflection, but this doesn't require abandoning the texts of the past - potentiality for transcendance through historical texts

Derrida

Richard Rorty

(to be cont.)

Movies watched in past week

I finally watched Singing in the Rain! It was fun, but I think I'm growing out of movies of this type (plotless musicals).

(btw, Bleach is showing now on cable!)

Also watched Scoop, which I don't remember much of, but it was funny.

Watched Fauteils d'Orchestre (Orchestra Seats) at Alliance today (and ran into one of my profs haha). It was good! and inspiring... I loved the concert pianist! And the idea... What happens when your achievements, your certs, your qualifications, start becoming a burden? They start restricting your options, and start pushing you to where you might not want to be... Haha of course I'm not saying I'm not lucky to have come this far. It's just that I'm starting to feel increasingly restricted, not by anything material, but by the expectations of others. *whine* :P

I hope tomorrow's show will be as good as I expect it to be. Hee.

Oh and bought Cache! and A Ton Image! For an incredible price! (10 & 2 bucks respectively)

And It Started with a Kiss (taiwan drama) is coming to cable mwahahahaha...

*yawnz* I'm incredibly tired... and brain dead.

Iraq

Washington Post's very sobering article on how the bonds of community have broken down in Iraq. Who still thinks the war wasn't a mistake?

Extract from article:

On this day, Abu Mohammed, still angry, was thinking about revenge. He, too, believed the Egheidat had fired the mortar two days before. But now he had a more pressing goal. He said he and his comrades had identified three Sunnis, including one Egheidat, who they believed were involved in the killings of the four members of the Mahdi Army, including his nephew. Now, he said, he was planning to create a death squad to carry out the justice the tribal negotiations didn't bring.

Asked how he knew the three men were guilty, Abu Mohammed said witnesses told him that the men were inside one of the cars that rushed the checkpoint. "We only take blood for blood," he said.

Asked if the three men lived in Tobji, Abu Mohammed replied: "Yes, they are our neighbors. Now their houses are empty, and they have fled."

Ryuichi Sakamoto

Ryuichi Sakamoto (whom some here might know as the composer for the soundtrack of Tony Takitani - one of the movies I've been obssessing about, and whom Ed might remember as composer of that darned piece, "A Day a Gorilla gives a Banana") has an album called "Derrida". I'm intrigued... especially since today's lecture is on Postmodernism :P

To do list

I should really do an inventory of the articles/books/chapters I have... I keep coming across familiar names that I am absolutely certain I've come across before, but I can't remember where or how. It's really irritating, especially since I don't have everything on my computer, so I can't do a simple search. Instead, I have to go to my soft copy archives, and if that doesn't work, plough through all my files.

Unfortunately, doing an inventory of the stuff I have is a gargantuan task that cowardly me shrinks from. If you count 1 file for every module I've done in NUS, that makes it 40 files of stuff (and I know I don't have 40 files at home, so don't ask me where all my stuff went), plus 2 files for every module I'm doing now, which makes it another 6, and probably about 16 by the time my course finishes. Not counting the stuff I've done outside of school.

I have a big BIG problem on my hands.

The Agent-Structure Problem

I can't seem to escape from it, it's everywhere I go. *agent-structure agent-structure agent-structure ad infinitum*

On this blog, I often refer to neo-Marxist/Frankfurt School theories without any academic rigour at all. Yet, what is the tendency to focus on society and hegemony and economic and ideational structures? Merely an assumption of the ascendance of structure over agent - an assumption that I don't question often enough. At the same time, the 'call to arms' by the more optimistic FS theories, the call for revolution puts the emphasis on agency.

Ditto for neo-realism - structure over agent. And I just can't divorce the IR inter-paradigm debate from the agent-structure question. Perhaps the solution I find most satisfactory is the constructivist one of mutually constitutive structures and agents.

The only context in which I believe I can take a definite stance of the ascendancy of structure over agency is the religious one - ie. the question of free will. And that is because the structure of the world is predicated (at least in monotheistic religions) on the existence of the ultimate agency that determines structure. In that sense, the assumption of a unitary agency that is Alpha and Omega, an agency that is prior to structure (though help me out, is it good & evil before God, or God before good and evil? I never figured that out), therefore determines all structures, and negates other agencies' ability to influence or transcend structure. If this is so, then perhaps it is not helpful to talk of structure, or of human agency, but of the single, ultimate, structuring agency that is God.

Disclaimer: I know this sounds like I'm trying to complicate things, but all I'm trying to do is to frame the old debate in agent-structure terms.

Disclaimer no.2: I'm no Bible scholar, and I refer primarily to Christianity because that is the religion I am most familiar with. However, I would think that the above could refer to any monotheistic religion that posits and omnipotent, omnipresent God.(correct me if I'm wrong)

Anyway, since I mentioned Alpha and Omega, here's an interesting link to this online Catholic encyclopaedia that argues translations from Hebrew to Greek have resulted in a de-emphasis of the idea of God as truth (as opposed to goodness).

I have absolutely NO idea how true the article is (see Disclaimer no.2 above), but it seems to me that this demonstrates the untranslatability (is there such a word?) of languages. And this is coming from a Catholic source, mind you.

Weapons of Mass Disruption

I just attended a seminar on potential terrorist attacks using non-conventional weapons. A large part of the argument was centered around the idea of weapons of mass disruption as opposed to weapons of mass destruction - attacks where the psychological damage is disproportionate to the direct material damage done. Hmmm.

My Suggestion for a Terrorist Attack on Singapore:

Agent and Delivery Method:
Load film of Ronald MacDonald capering around, wearing nothing but his face paint and big red shoes on those big video-screens in your family-friendly heartland mall and along Orchard Road. For maximum effect, make Ronald dance to 'I Will Survive'.

Projected Effects:
Along the road, parents will be simultaneously closing their eyes, and attempting to cover their children's eyes, thus causing traffic gridlock and one or two accidents along the main tourist destination and shopping district of Singapore.

In the heartland malls, families will trample each other in an attempt to escape. The choice of the location of the attacks - civilian shopping areas - is meant to maximize psychological damage done to a broad cross-section of the population, as well as economic disruption (the malls will be closed for weeks).

Long-term social and economic damage to the country will result, as unsupervised teenagers and children stare transfixed at the images, thus corrupting them, and making them gay, decadent, dumb, or all of the above. This will result in a projected decline (approx. 24.6%) in Singapore's social cohesion, Asian values, birth rates, and economic productivity by the year 2012. The attack could also lower Singaporeans' resistance to political leaders dressed in colours other than white (eg. red and yellow), thus putting the state in grave danger of being invaded by (unspecified) neighbouring countries.

The attack will also strike a blow at MacDonald's Corporation, the heart of American capitalism and neo-imperialism. At the very least, they'll have to get rid of that tasteless mascot.

PS. pls mention justareed.blogspot.com in the closing credits of the film

Alternatively, terrorists can take over Singapore's radio stations and broadcast the feature story in Iss.61 of @NTU.

Feature Story - Feisty Freshmen: They pack a punch!
"Teeming with ideas, our irrepressible freshmen from the Class of 2010 are busy hatching dreams, with energy to spare. We find out how some of them are putting more zing into their already full lives - with the help of NTU, of course."

... okay.

Note: this mode of attack has the benefit of being a suicide attack, as the terrorist reading the article will be martyred in a horrendous manner.

another (insert colour) ribbon project

Interesting piece on breast cancer awareness programme in the US. It's all about patriachal society and hegemony man! Haha...

And if anyone asks, yes, I've been lazing around the house all day.

North Korea

This is what they call an 'oh shit' situation. Well, we'd been told the test was likely over the weekened, but this is still not a good way to start the week.

No matter what the constraints on the use of nukes may be, or how much I think the axis of evil discourse is crap, a nuclear North Korea is still extremely extremely scary. The spectre of nuclear war.

FEER

Hohoho check out FEER's rather indignant and outraged response to its ban.

slit eyes

Some woman walked past a bar and a group of 4 ang mohs sitting at the bar turned their heads to stare at her.

Ok, so she was quite chio, moderately trendy with her waisted jacket and chic pants and cute heels, with the most 'Chinese' face I've seen... (She somehow managed to have the 'Chinese' slit eyes PLUS double eyelids. I'm serious! Her eyes managed to form a wide V. AND she had a nice nose. exotic eh.)

But the 4 ang mohs looked so much like synchronized, foreign sunflowers that I snickered a little. Then I got 4 pairs of hostile eyes glaring at me.

^#@!#@!(*&#@! How come she gets the 'woohoo exotic hot babe I shall now salivate' look, while I get the 'watcha staring at, ya yellow-skinned (it's HONEY! HONEY-skinned! with a touch of mocha!), racially inferior native' stare?

Tsk I'm gonna get meself some slitty eyes. And some nice heels!

Movie log

Movies I've watched since last Friday:

Sepet - pretty entertaining, but not in top league yet

Little Red Flowers - slightly disturbing, but cool

Little Miss Sunshine - must-watch

American Dreamz - darn funny. thanks Joyce.

Congrats to me!

This is the first time in years that I've finished an essay before midnight on the day before the assignment is due. I really can't remember the last time I've done this... Secondary school? (oh wait, I've blocked out the HT again)

Well, part of the reason is the deadline's been extended at the last minute twice, so I've already done quite a lot of work for it. Also, we've got to submit the essay through turnitin, and I was deathly afraid that the site would detect plagiarism in my essay when I swear to (insert name of deity) I did not plagiarize at all. Thank (insert name of deity) according to turnitin, less than 1% of my essay is a result of dastardly deeds.

I don't know about you, but this is pretty scary for me. It's as if there has been a subtle change in my world-view. Like I just found out it's not gravity that's pulling me to the ground, but my body's attraction to all that melted chocolate in the center of the earth. And the sun? That's a big orange jawbreaker with an inflated ego.

The superstitious part of me is wondering nervously whether submitting a paper before midnight means I'm not going to do well. It's like the way I always spend all the time I have left flipping my exam script, because by gawd it doesn't matter if I'm not actually reading or changing anything. If I don't flip these papers I'm going to fail.

I'm feeling a bit lost and aimless now. I fully expected to stay up all night, because that's how essays are written. But it's 1am now, and there're so many hours till daybreak, and my essay is done, so I don't have to stay up, but I still have so much time, and it's not right to go to school on the day an essay is due without looking like the undead, but my essay is done, so what shall I do... *mumbles*

Time - in which I don't have to do an essay - is stretching luxuriously before me. Youtube beckons.

Dedication

ya ya I'm doing the post-lyrics thing.

----------------------------------

生命有一種絕對
作詞：阿信　作曲：阿信　編曲：周恆毅/五月天

如果我不曾走過這一遍　生命中還有多少苦和甜美
那風中的歌聲　孤單哽咽的聲音是誰
回憶中　那個少年　為何依然不停的追

想要征服的世界　始終都沒有改變　那地上無聲蒸發我的淚
黑暗中期待光線　生命有一種絕對　等待我請等待我直到約定融化成笑顏

那生命燦爛煙火般上演　你和我最後都要回歸地平線
那留下的足跡　浪花沖走回憶海岸線
靠近我再擁抱我　請不要讓我的心冷卻

想要征服的世界　始終都沒有改變　那地上無聲蒸發我的淚
黑暗中期待光線　生命有一種絕對　等待我請等待我直到約定融化成笑顏

想要征服的世界　始終都沒有改變　那地上無聲蒸發我的淚
黑暗中期待光線　生命有一種絕對　等待我請等待我靠近我再擁抱我
不要走請不要走直到約定融化成笑顏　直到我看見生命的絕對

Love,
me

Nightmare

I know my dreams are strange. And this is a classic. Here's snippets.

We were (that's J and I, I suppose cos we spent the whole night out last night) standing outside a viewing room with a big screen. There were 3 big buttons labelled 'realist,' 'liberal' and 'constructivist' outside the room. Each button would start a film encapsulating the tenets of the respective perspective.

I pressed the liberal button, then a black and white film with men in top hats tap dancing with canes started showing. Lots of high society types socializing at a party with big band music.

I pressed the constructivist button, and a colour film with men in uniform marching, patriotic music playing started.

I pressed the realist button - and this is classic - and the screen showed a big room with a U-shaped arrangements of small tanks, with a few fishes in every tank. A goldfish (that looked exactly like the goldfish J and I saw at the aquarium near Paradiz at 1am last night) started jumping from 1 end of the U to the other. Somewhere along the other arm of the U, there was a big gap between 1 tank and the next, and when the goldfish tried to jump, it landed outside th tank.

Now here's where it gets REALLY weird. I (now suddenly in the movie) picked up the struggling goldfish and put it into the next tank. Then I asked it why it was travelling along the U to since it was a dead end on both sides. It said (it said!!!!!) that after the war they (I don't know who 'they' is) had promised it they would bring back the dolpins, and it wanted to travel to the ocean to see the dolphins. I laughed in a monosyllabically cynical way (like, 'ha') and asked if it really believed they'd bring back the dolphins, and if it really thought it could travel out of the tanks into the ocean.

I don't know why a goldfish would want to meet dolphins that would probably eat it at first sight.

I don't know what this says about me either. Am I a closet realist? Is it only in my dreams that I can admit my true inclinations?

Next snippet from dream continuing the piscine theme.

A Prof from my course (I shall not mention names) decided that in order to pass our module, we need to pass a particular test. We had to go to a small lake in which a HUGE monster shark lived, and each of us had to hold a dead chicken in front of the shark, bleed it, and then get ourselves back to safety. Yay. Easy-peasy.

For some reason the test was conducted at night, so all of us were dumped into the lake, holding a dead chicken, a small knife, and sort of floating around in a clueless way. (btw, Joyce, you were still there) It was dark, we couldn't see no shark, and I was scared shitless. I told a classmate that I was pretty sure I couldn't pass, and she looked at me uncomprehendingly (the way they look at me when I say no, I haven't done the essay, no, I haven't finished the readings, yes, I'm human unlike you). This is how the conversation went:

Classmate: I guess you just swim up behind it, cut the chicken, then swim away quickly. (a la I guess you just manage your time better and read whenever you're free. Oh, and give up your social life too.)

Me: But it's a huge shark! Aren't you afraid it'll eat you?

Classmate: Just give it a kick when you swim away... propels you further and delays it. *reassuring smile* It'll be fine.

Me: ... *runs/swims away screaming*

At some point in the lake, I had to wrestle with a 'small' shark that was about the length of my leg. I think it was trying to snatch my chicken from me. So I just blocked the 2 holes I saw on top of its mouth and suffocated it. (don't ask me how I did that when sharks breathe through GILLS) It's eyes turned red and sort of imploded when it suffocated though. Oh and by the way, I chose to suffocate it because I didn't want it to bleed cos I sure as hell didn't want to attract the attention of Monster Shark. I don't think I was thinking about passing the test by then.

The rest of the time was just floating on the dark water, hoping to HELL that Monster Shark wasn't swimming somewhere below me, ready to snap my fragile body into two and toss my bloody remains on to shore (a la Jaws).

Then I started thinking. Why should we even get into the water? Maybe we could rig it up so we can dangle a huge bait (like the shark I just killed) to attract Monster Shark, and then we could find a way to position ourselves way way WAY above that bait, wait for Monster Shark to come, bleed the chicken, and finish the test in relative safety...

And just as I was going to suggest this, our Prof got fed-up with our lack of creativity and told us to do exactly that. So, using a intricate contraption of ropes and dead bait, our classmates made attempts one at a time. And I got to see Monster Shark rise from the depths of the lake to engulf the bait in its monstrous jaws.

I figured that it'd take a while for it to be my turn, so I decided to walk down to town with Joyce (who'd already passed) to get some food. On the way back to the lake, however, I saw my classmates walking around, and realized the test was over and everyone had passed. Except me. I rushed back to the lake, only to see a couple of classmates carrying a late classmate's severed head in one of those baskets people carry their pets in. They were comforting her (the severed head!) that at least she didn't have to stay in the lake forever, and at least they were bringing her out. You're talking to a severed head for goodness' sake!

And I woke up. Please don't judge me by my nightmares...

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Btw, 2nd anniversary! *does happy dance* We rock!