Bad day

I've been an idiot :P Ah well, what's new?

Research is essentially a solitary enterprise. It's simply learning and knowing and thinking... all by yourself. Even if you discuss with someone else, or work in a team, you're all on your own. The thoughts are all yours, the work's all yours. Even if you get a research assistant, there's no escaping it. Writing is so individualistic, I can't see how any academic can survive without an invincible self-esteem. When it comes to academia, I have a huge inferiority complex. :P

The past few weeks have been so hectic, and I've been constantly surrounded by people, so it's difficult to get back into research mode. Usually I'm good with solitude. I like solitude. Solitude tastes like tea without sugar or milk. Tea without sugar and milk is my alone-drink. But solitude + research + out of town bf really takes some getting used to.

I'm not a sports person. Far from it. But as long as I'm not wearing heels and not carrying too much stuff, no one's ever been able to outwalk me. I walk when I can't get my thoughts straightened out (which is often the case these days). Unfortunately, walking doesn't straighten my thoughts out. Looks like walking is my substitute for thinking. Sometimes I miss having someone walk with me.

Argh I'm so worn out.