Efficiency

I wrote a long email to my supervisor yesterday afternoon, with my draft attached. He replied today at about 5pm. He'd read through my entire draft AND my email, AND gave me a pretty detailed rundown of what he thought.

The efficiency just boggles my mind. I'm the most inefficient person I know. I ALWAYS procrastinate. Always. I just don't understand efficiency. I seldom miss deadlines, but I never finish my work before the deadline either. I'm dazzled by my supervisor's efficiency. He's such a wonderful supervisor! I'm so excited about efficiency!

Even though I've received a ton of essays to mark, I haven't touched a single one. And I've had them for weeks! My supervisor would have finished marking them a long time ago. Shame on me!

Once newly dead

Amara Tochi to be Hung at Dawn

Yet this particular case more than others caught my attention, for a simple reason: Amara Tochi was sentenced to death for drug trafficking. Yet he might not have even known that he possessed drugs on his person.

In fact, Justice Kan noted in his findings that "there was no direct evidence that he knew the capsules contained diamorphine. There was nothing to suggest that Smith had told him they contained diamorphine, or that he had found that out on his own".

That leads us to a troublesome and haunting question: can you be sentenced to death for drug trafficking without even knowing you were in possession of drugs?

I've only just read this blog entry dated 25 Jan 2007, and hence did not know about this case until more than a month after the event. So this guy's probably been dead more than a month already. I don't even have to search for updates on the case to know this because if Singapore decides on the death sentence, no pleas or appeals of any sort could make any difference.

Just for the record, I don't approve of the death penalty, and I feel inexplicably guilty that I did not know about this death till long after the event.

And why am I surfing the net when I've got 4000 (ok, now 3500) words more to go by 5pm today? I don't know really. I'm starting to feel bored with my course of study and beginning to think my interests lie somewhere else. (and this is not just dissertation angst speaking) This is, of course, disastrous.

But you know, academic woes somehow pale in comparison to larger troubling issues like the state's willingness to kill without convincing proof of guilt.

scrubs - guy love

It's guy love, between two guys! *chortles*

Thanks Joyce for the link!

4000 words more by 5pm!

Letter to a reptile

Dear baby lizard,

I know you're hopelessly in love with either 1. my Doritos (a yucky taco flavour), 2. my beautiful human self, or 3. the heat from my laptop. You might also feel attracted to the pile of notes on my table, but I think that's highly unlikely. You're not silverfish after all, and silverfish are probably the only creatures who might like my very boring notes.

However, please stop trying to sneak up on me/my Doritos/my laptop. It freaks me out a bit, because as much as I think baby lizard feet are terribly cute, I don't fancy the thought of accidentally squashing you or munching a mouthful of Doritos-flavoured lizard. It's a really bad time now, you know. I have to hand in the first draft of my dissertation by 5pm tomorrow, and I'm only at 5000 words. So if you come any closer to me, I swear I'll scream and wake my daddy up so he can get rid of you. Be good! And no tail-dropping please!

Regards,
Elaine

Break from thesis

Ok, I'll just take a small small break here. *swears to self she won't take anymore 4hr naps (like this afternoon) or watch 3hrs of tv (like this evening)*

I can't help comparing this thesis experience with my previous thesis experience. I'm actually much more relaxed this time. (though I'd better not jump to conclusions till tomorrow)

Perhaps it's because of yet another raise in stress threshold.

Perhaps it's because this time I Actually Consulted My Thesis Supervisor And He Knows What I'm Going To Write About. (at least in general)

Perhaps it's because I no longer feel as if I owe it to the whole world to do well.

Perhaps it's because they make us hand in a first draft before the final deadline.

Anywayz. The last time I spent about 5 days doing the really relevant research, and about 2.5days writing. This time I've hardly done any research, but I'm making up for it by starting to write 3 days before the deadline. So hopefully it should work out fine. (I'm now at 1350/10000 words, and the bloody thesis is due this Thurs. Well, at least the 1st draft.)

*yawnz* darn I'm sleepy. Too bloody relaxed... Help! I'm in such deep shit!

Ok ok that's it. I should go back to work. (I wasted another hour slacking! Can you believe that?)

Faces of Italy

One of my favourite photo blogs:

Faces of Italy

This is Vespucci.

Vespucci’s dream is to find his son and tell him important things. He twists his head quickly at me with a lost and quizzical look, and then he returns to a thoughtful gaze.
Vespucci is currently homeless and cannot remember where his son is

This is Skye.

Skye’s dream, she says with a stalwart demeanor, is to be a successful dermatologist.
Skye is currently modeling in Milan during summer break from medical school.

and so on. If you want to see the faces behind these dreams, click on above link. :)

FRANK SINATRA, ONE FOR MY BABY

No one does this song like Sinatra.

FRANK SINATRA, ONE FOR MY BABY

No one does this song like Sinatra.

Nora, The Piano-Playing Cat (www.ravenswingstudio.com)

This cat has more talent in its tail than I would have in my entire life! (How else did it make it so big?)

History and History

Abe Rejects Japan’s Files on War Sex

TOKYO, March 1 — Prime Minister Shinzo Abe denied Thursday that Japan’s military had forced foreign women into sexual slavery during World War II, contradicting the Japanese government’s longtime official position.

Oops. I can't imagine many people being happy about that.

Now I have to write my dissertation by next Thurs.

Current Music Obsession: The Red Violin

I'm re-listening to The Red Violin soundtrack, and my brain short-circuited again. I spent most of last night feverishly reading reviews of the film and soundtrack, the obvious thing to do when I have a paper this Friday.

I'm not particularly impressed by the film, but the soundtrack... *smoke rises from fried brain*

It's an original score! And a very good one at that! Joshua Bell played it! It's beeeeoooootifffuuuuullllll!

It's really a bad idea to be listening to the soundtrack now, because I can't concentrate on anything else (read: revision for the paper). And the regular fits I get while listening to the soundtrack make me very tired... It's tiring to remain ecstatic for hours on end. Talk about blowing my mind.

I need something brainless... M-Pop, here I come!

Don't shoot me for my taste

Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love)

Written by: Cole Porter
With Shirley MacLaine
Arranged By: Nelson Riddle
From the Show: Paris (1928)
Label: Capitol Records
Recorded: September 22, 1959
----------------------------------------

Why even in France the best upper sets do it, Lithuanians and Letts do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love
In old Japan, all the Japs do it, up in Lapland little Laps do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love
The Deutch in old Amsterdam do it, not to mention the Fins
Folks in Siam do it - think of Siamese twins
In shallow shoals English souls do it, goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love
The chimpanzees in the zoos do it, some courageous kangaroos do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love
I'm sure giraffes on the sly do it, even eagles as they fly do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love
Electric eels I might add do it, though it shocks `em I know
Why ask if shad do it - garcon de "shad roe"
The world admits bears in pits do it, even Pekingeses at the Ritz do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love
The royal set sans regret did it, and they considered it fun
Marie Antoinette did it - with or without Napoleon
Parliament pleasure bent did it, mam'selles every time they're short of rent did it
Let's do it, let's fall in love

Never think today's songs are more sexed up than songs written 80yrs ago.

But I like this Cole Porter song, even though it's so politically incorrect. At least it's fun and cheeky, and it makes me laugh. Songs nowadays never make anyone laugh. I particularly like the electric eels line.

jay - tui hou

Anyone wants to know why I love making fun of Jay? Check out his 'hooligan' behaviour in this MV. Hilarious stuff.

First paper over!

I used to like exams because they meant relatively little work (compared to writing essays).

Now I hate exams because it's too little work and too much of a disaster. (I know it's personal choice. Let me whine.)

I read 3 articles from 3 chapters about 3 different countries.

I had 10 chapters in this course. Each chapter consists of about 7 compulsory readings, including books. This means that if I had studied the whole module, I'd have 70 readings, out of which I read 3.

Of course no one studies the whole module for exams. Let's do it this way:

I have to answer 2 questions during the exam. I know that each question will mean I need to refer to 2 countries. That makes a minimum of 2 countries (because I can repeat the countries for the 2 questions) and a maximum of 4 countries.

Of the 10 chapters I have to study, 6 of them are country studies. This means that 4 of them are theoretical chapters.

I know that each question will make reference to at least one theoretical concept in any one of these 4 theoretical chapters.

Assuming I'm an average risk-taker who wants to make sure she can do at least 2 questions, I'd spot about 3 countries and half the theory chapters. That makes 5x7 = 35 readings.

I read 3 out of 35 readings. I'm taking about 11 times more risk than the average risk-taker.

This is what happened during the exam:

I referred to 4 countries altogether, dregging my memory for a handful of facts (relevant or not, I don't know) about each. Out of these 4 countries, I didn't study 1 of them at all. I didn't study 2 countries in relation to the question I was answering. Therefore, really, I could only analyse one country properly - and then, given I only read 1 article about that country, I don't think 'properly' is the appropriate term - which is equal to slightly less than half a question, which is equal to slightly less than 12.5% of my grade.

I didn't know any theory.

(oh shit, I just remembered I forgot to define my terms.)

Too little work done for exams. I hate exams. My stress threshold is too high until too late. At least the essays make me stay up all night.

I apologise to all who had to bear with my whining on MSN.

...................................................................

In other news, LSB has become extraordinarily corny, possibly because of thesis fever. (those of you who know how corny he usually is should be properly shocked now.)

Cargo Cults

Cargo Cults

Belief in cargo reflects long-standing beliefs in Melanesian cultures. The exchange of goods and objects of wealth are a fundamental way in which communities and social relationships are maintained. Through generous giving, individuals gain power. The 'big man' is the one who has the most to give, who is followed by his community and may even become a local prophet. This focus on wealth was linked to a belief that the ancestors continue to have influence over a community long after their death. Melanesians believe that ancestors speak to them in dreams, providing instructions for 'proper living' and foresight of the future. They further believe that their ancestors will one day come back to life, bearing unimaginable wealth and secure the long-term future of their community.

...

They [European missionaries] found the natives highly resistant, however; they were not content with hymns and stories, and wanted to know why the white men were hiding the secret of cargo from them. The missionaries were being stingy big men, and stinginess was number one on the list of bad qualities for a big man to have.

...

Tribal councils were held, and the people of Madang decided that the cargo was not created by the Europeans, who were not actually ancestors. The actual ancestors made cargo far away, but the Europeans kept it from getting to the natives. Maybe if they learned the Europeans' rituals they could learn the secrets of cargo and convince their ancestors to send cargo to them instead. Thus, without any warning that the missionaries could understand, the natives began converting to Christianity in droves. Under the guidance of their tribal leaders, they willingly adapted Christian behaviour and clothing, and became models of Christian obedience.

...


While in Brisbane, Yali made another startling discovery: the Australians kept hundreds of animals in the Brisbane Zoo, which they carefully fed and tended. He also noticed the large number of dogs and cats kept as pets in homes. It wasn't until a conference in Port Moresby5 that he was able to solve this puzzling behaviour. The solution came when he witnessed a book which showed a succession from monkeys into humans. It became clear the depth to which the missionaries had lied: they had claimed Adam and Eve were men's ancestors when they clearly believed that their ancestors were animals who needed to be treated with respect. It was obvious the missionaries had made up such lies in order to hide this truth from the New Guineans, who had held such beliefs before their arrival. Upon returning home, Yali was convinced by the prophet Gurek that the Queensland Museum was actually Rome, that the gods had been taken captive there, and that in order to lure them back the natives had to stop their foolish acceptance of the lies of Christianity.

Must... Not... Laugh... Must... Respect... Differences... Must... Respect... Their... Culture...

You have no idea how difficult this is for me. This world is such a strange place.

BUT (and this is a very significant 'but') this BBC write-up smacks of The Gods Must Be Crazy in that the humour glosses over very serious issues - marginalisation, poverty, discrimination. The article also plays up stereotypes of 'ignorant natives' who are superstitious, technologically incompetent and therefore very very different from the 'rational white man'. Look at how the one personality given much coverage, Yali, is portrayed as a shrewd, opportunistic (but still ignorant and backward and therefore 'ridicule-worthy') petty cult leader (petty in the sense that he falls into the 'authoritarian leader of small region who does not pose a real threat and therefore can be treated with amused tolerance' category).

And the article co-opts the reader into this 'white man cult' too. Note how they assume that readers have a general understanding of what "a book which showed a succession from monkeys into humans" is about, and that readers know that Rome is not in Australia. Of course these assumptions are probably not too far off (we should never take things for granted though), but the way everything is phrased just makes the article into an 'insider joke', which quite naturally makes these islanders ridiculous outsiders to be laughed at.

So I should stop laughing. Now!

Flowers for Valentine's

After 2.5 years of begging and whining and complaining, LSB finally grudgingly presented me with a pink rose. (When I got home I took about 70 pictures of the rose. I have been that deprived.)

Walking home about midnight on Valentine's, I pluck a few bruised petals off the rose, and think about love, romance and all things silly.

Halfway home, I pass by a Chinese funeral, with the unmistakeable white, lighted tent and people seated around tables chatting and laughing. The sharp sweet scent of chrysanthemum and jasmine is now overpowering, and all too familiar. There is a forlorn line of yellow and white flower wreaths outside the tent. It feels as if they're Valentine's bouquets that have arrived too late.

"Apparently the mingled thread in the web of their life was so curiously twisted together that there could be no joy without a sorrow coming close upon it."
- George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss

I walk past the tent. The pretty pink petals, now warm and crushed in the palm of my hand, still smell soft and delicate and reassuring.

..................................................................................................

I didn't have a very good tutorial on Friday, perhaps because I was feeling lethargic and bored. Perhaps I was too harsh in my feedback to the group presenting because after the tutorial, they sent a representative to explain that they really had put in a lot of work, and they faced time constraints during the presentation, so would I please take that into account.

Argh.

It's always been a fault of mine, even when I was working in the Centre. It's all too easy for me (especially when I'm not thinking properly) to ramble on, picking out all the faults in the essay/presentation. And then I look up, and I see the wee lil' lambs on the verge of tears, convinced that they're going to fail their assignment. So much for EQ.

..................................................................................................

In other news, Kenneth Rufo from Ghost in the Wire, one of my favourite blogs, has been here! *jumps around excitedly* Hi there hi there! *waves* Many many many thanks for the songs! Very bluesy indeed! And I'm still insecure about posting any part of my dissertation anywhere... *cries* It just seems so very half-baked...

And did I mention I love his blog? Even though I don't understand what he's saying half the time?

(Those of you who were there when I was squealing and screaming over getting a comment from "Kenneth Rufo! From Ghost in the Wire! Can you believe it!?", you're not supposed to tell anyone.)

I couldn't seem to post a comment on his blog, so I hope he gets to see this! *jumps around excitedly some more*

..................................................................................................

And Happy Lunar New Year to all! *muackzes to all my darlings*

Mood Indigo

I just realised my last 3 post titles ended with 'woes'. Amazing how cheery my life can be, oui? *makes slow and slippery descent into melodrama*

I'm now the proud owner of Robert Jervis' The Logic of Images in International Relations for SGD39.00 just because I took a detour in school today to avoid the rain. Which, all things considered, is a very good buy. But I've read it (very carefully) before, and it's probably going to sit untouched on my shelf till the end of time anyway. Along with every other book I've bought on impulse. (I also bought a book on the politics of culture and theatre in Singapore) I'm way too prone to big impulsive purchases these days.

I bought Corrine Bailey Rae's CD, which is really quite good.

I also bought (and watched!) Gershwin's Porgy and Bess! I watched it in Coffee Bean, where I was supposed to do some substantial work, but oh well. It's a really sad smooshy opera, and watching it for the first time spoilt my day (or what was left of my day at the end of the 3hrs). Sad movies do that to me.

AND I bought Maria Callas' Hamburg concerts of 1959 and 1962! (big impulsive purchases anyone?) And being the philistine that I am, what really struck me was how much a difference make-up makes. Her make-up for the 1959 concert was HORRIBLE. She looked about 70. In contrast, she looked gorgeous in 1962. And much younger.

I had violin lesson this (or rather, yesterday) morning, and my exam piece was stuck in my head the whole day. How irritating is that. Especially since I still can't quite grasp the freaking music. It's like a little itch that won't stop itching, and won't allow itself to be scratched... *trails off into incoherence*

I'm in a bluesy mood now, but I don't have enough music for this mood. Shoots.

Hmmm. I need after-midnight music. More specifically, I need music for the closing minutes at the bar, when cigarettes and empty glasses are being cleared, and chairs are being put up, and the whole place suddenly smells of detergent.

I can't believe I don't have Sinatra's "One for my baby". And I can't believe I don't have any Billie Holiday. There is a big empty hole in my life that is waiting to be filled. My life is not complete!

Please don't let me forget how broke I am.

Humour woes

JR: (blahs)... in the Q&A session feel free to express yourself... but speak, don't sing.

*deathly silence*

JR: Never mind....

*a few nervous chuckles in the background*

Is it me? Tell me it's not just me.

...

I was watching some crappy movie on AXN (AXN's full of crappy stuff. That's why I watch it.) where they had Russians running around in some snowy place (Siberia?) trying to catch some American spies.

Nothing new, except a comment made by one of the 'Russians', presumably in Russian.

The subtitles (in old-movie white font) read: "Stalin's butt, he tricked us!"

Stalin's butt. Stalin's butt, he tricked us. Hahaha that's the funniest thing I've heard in a long long time. This time it's not just me right?

Dissertation woes

A very uncharacteristic email that I sent off a few minutes ago:

Dear Prof,

I've just submitted my paper on ASEAN and international society, and I'm afraid it's not very pretty. I'm truly apologetic, largely because the preceding sentence is a gross understatement. Unfortunately, the entire dissertation project has also degenerated into similar ugliness. I am trying very hard to give some structure to my ideas, but I can't seem to get past the theoretical chapter. Would you be able to make it for consultation this Wed or Fri afternoon? Thank you.

Regards,
Elaine

That just about says it all.

Essay woes

I just spent 7 hrs playing a repetitive, brainless online game. 7hrs! This from a person who deleted minesweeper from her computer because she just used to sit there and play for hours without realizing. So that's not too surprising. I hate online games.

Oh my precious 7 hrs... *groan* I really really really needed those 7hrs for my essay. I'm going to die, and there's no essay god I can pray to, so I'm definitely going to essay hell... *buries face in hands* Why? Why do I do this to myself?

And to my dearest LSB, in response to the question you asked over MSN (I didn't answer because I was busy playing my all important game. I didn't even eat dinner today!), we'll probably have to spend it doing work... *poor poor us*

News and Persuasion

Putin 'not running away' from Russia
"In my day, I did judo, not athletics. I'm not planning to run away anywhere."

Listing Russia's achievements, Mr Putin also admitted its shortcomings.

"We still have a lot to do in the social sphere," he admitted in his opening remarks.

The "we" intriguingly suggested that if he no longer remained a member of the team, he would still be close to it - whether the game was athletics, judo, or running Russia.

This irritated me, largely because it was an inept, unsophisticated attempt to make the argument that Putin does not intend to leave Russian politics. I might not disagree with the conclusion, but presenting a half-ass reason like "Putin used 'we' instead of 'they'" is silly. If you want to say something like that, there's plenty of ammunition you can muster from Russia's history, Putin's history, whatever. Trying to end the article on an ominous/fortune-telling note just sounds clumsy. It's as if all readers are supposed to gasp collectively at Putin's tendency to use 'we' instead of 'they'. It's not like he promised the return of Communist Russia or anything. Please. There're many much more intelligent ways in which you can conclude.

The Discovery/National Geographic programmes that (always!) end in a similar 'and-dark-clouds-loom' fashion never fail to irritate me.

Oh the intoxicating pleasure I get from telling people what to think.

The Milgram Experiment

Obeying and Resisting Malevolent Orders

Would you obey orders to hurt an innocent individual-even when the authority issuing them has no coercive means to enforce his or her commands? On the basis of one of the 20th century's most important and controversial pieces of research, chances are that you would. In the early 1960s, Yale social psychologist Stanley Milgram, PhD, conducted an experiment whose purpose was supposedly to study the effects of punishment on learning. The experimenter told the subject that his job was to teach a learner in an adjacent room to memorize a list of word-pairs, and every time the learner made an error, the teacher-subject was to punish the learner by giving him increasingly severe shocks by pressing levers on a shock machine. There were 30 levers whose shock values ranged from a low of 15 volts to the maximum of 450 volts. (In actuality, no electric shock was involved. The "learner" was an actor who only pretended receiving them, but the subject did not know this.) Despite the learner's increasingly pitiful screams and pleas to stop, a majority of subjects (over 60%) obeyed the experimenter's commands to continue and ended up giving the maximum "shock" of 450 volts.

The Stanford Prison Experiment

The Stanford Prison Experiment: A Simulation Study of the Psychology of Imprisonment

Excerpts from the slide show:

What suspects had done was to answer a local newspaper ad calling for volunteers in a study of the psychological effects of prison life. We wanted to see what the psychological effects were of becoming a prisoner or prison guard. To do this, we decided to set up a simulated prison and then carefully note the effects of this institution on the behavior of all those within its walls.

Our study of prison life began, then, with an average group of healthy, intelligent, middle-class males. These boys were arbitrarily divided into two groups by a flip of the coin. Half were randomly assigned to be guards, the other to be prisoners. It is important to remember that at the beginning of our experiment there were no differences between boys assigned to be a prisoner and boys assigned to be a guard.

...

Most prisoners believed that the subjects selected to be guards were chosen because they were bigger than those who were made prisoners, but actually, there was no difference in the average height of the two groups.

...

As soon as I realized that #819 could hear the chanting, I raced back to the room where I had left him, and what I found was a boy sobbing uncontrollably while in the background his fellow prisoners were yelling that he was a bad prisoner. No longer was the chanting disorganized and full of fun, as it had been on the first day. Now it was marked by utter confomity and compliance, as if a single voice was saying, "#819 is bad."


I suggested we leave, but he refused. Through his tears, he said he could not leave because the others had labeled him a bad prisoner. Even though he was feeling sick, he wanted to go back and prove he was not a bad prisoner.

...

when we ended the hearings by telling prisoners to go back to their cells while we considered their requests, every prisoner obeyed, even though they could have obtained the same result by simply quitting the experiment. Why did they obey? Because they felt powerless to resist. Their sense of reality had shifted, and they no longer perceived their imprisonment as an experiment. In the psychological prison we had created, only the correctional staff had the power to grant paroles.

During the parole hearings we also witnessed an unexpected metamorphosis of our prison consultant as he adopted the role of head of the Parole Board. He literally became the most hated authoritarian official imaginable, so much so that when it was over he felt sick at who he had become -- his own tormentor who had previously rejected his annual parole requests for 16 years when he was a prisoner.

...

Prisoners coped with their feelings of frustration and powerlessness in a variety of ways. At first, some prisoners rebelled or fought with the guards. Four prisoners reacted by breaking down emotionally as a way to escape the situation. One prisoner developed a psychosomatic rash over his entire body when he learned that his parole request had been turned down. Others tried to cope by being good prisoners, doing everything the guards wanted them to do. One of them was even nicknamed "Sarge," because he was so military-like in executing all
commands.

By the end of the study, the prisoners were disintegrated, both as a group and as individuals. There was no longer any group unity; just a bunch of isolated individuals hanging on, much like prisoners of war or hospitalized mental patients. The guards had won total control of the prison, and they commanded the blind obedience of each prisoner.

...

At this point it became clear that we had to end the study. We had created an overwhelmingly powerful situation -- a situation in which prisoners were withdrawing and behaving in pathological ways, and in which some of the guards were behaving sadistically. Even the "good" guards felt helpless to intervene, and none of the guards quit while the study was in progress. Indeed, it should be noted that no guard ever came late for his shift, called in sick, left early, or demanded extra pay for overtime work.

Typical LSB-Justareed (JR) MSN Convy

JR: LSB!

LSB: ????????// yes dearie?

JR: i missed u today cute(

LSB: haha tat's so sweet

LSB: have u bn doing work

JR: an itsy bitsy teeny little bit

JR: u say me sweet?

JR: yes? u say me sweet?

LSB: erm........

JR: u say me sweet?

JR: yes? sweet?

LSB: yes yes

JR: hehehehehehehehehehe

JR: snigger

JR: so shy

LSB: erm diao

Respect and Resistance

A1one: 1st generation Graffiti in Iran

Iran… what do we really know about it? And which of all these facts are actually true? What kind of image do we have? And would we include something like ‘Iranian Graffiti’ or ‘Street Art from Tehran’ in this image?

If so, what would that look like? Do we expect any strong Anti-American messages? Or do we think of a strong form of expression against the government maybe? Or could it be sympathizing with a local party? Or what if it was not about any official statement at all, but what if Iranian street art was simply a form of personal expression? Or maybe it is even all of the above, still testing out what ’street art’ could possibly be in this particular environment… PingMag interviewed A1one, the one who started graffiti in Tehran.

I just discovered PingMag, and I'm falling head over heels in love with it.

I amaze myself

It's essay time again!

No matter how long I have to research and write, I always end up doing all the work in less than a day.

I'm freaking amazing I tell you.

This is 40% of my grade!

And I'm feeling complacent.

Because guess what, I've got 800+/4000 words at 12.45am the day the essay is due, and you know, that's kind of better than my usual 'holy shit it's 4am, I'd better start, but what am I to write about' situation.

So I'm doing all these mental calculations in my head, and I'm like, I've gotta be in school by 2pm tomorrow, so let's say I have till 1pm. Factor in 2hrs for stoning + the inevitable 'pls-wake-me-up-in-1hr-but-failing-that-just-give-me-3hrs-more' sleep, that gives me 6 hrs to write 3000 words.

Not bad at all dude. That's about 1/4 of a day.

Oops I forgot to count the 30mins for random incoherent blogging. Slightly less than 1/4 of a day.

Oh yeah, I haven't done any research, so I shall have to search for articles online. Minus another 2hrs.

WTH it's 40% of my grade! Why do I insist on screwing myself over like this? I need therapy.

Gender and Games

Game Boys for Play Girls! games & gender by Babsi
Barbara ‘Babsi’ Lippe enjoyed a typical postmodern childhood filled with cartoons, action figures, comics and video-games. The latter in particular had a great impact on her life: she has just finished a 1000 page PhD thesis about Games and Gender! PingMag interviewed the cheerful Austrian expert about why Japanese game esthetics are more appealing to women in the West and how the market in Europe is slowly changing.

Sometimes you just have to live and let live. I've been told that my place is like a jungle, not because it's untamed, messy and uncivilised - even though it IS all of the above, but because of the numbers of non-human wildlife that coexist with my more genetically-related family. There're times humans and non-humans just have to live with each other in harmony. *zen* *sings Circle of Life*

There's a spider that lives on the window-sill next to my study-table (or rather, my dad's table, which I've claimed as my own by choping it with my notes).

Another spider lives in my bathroom, though I haven't seen it recently.

Baby grasshoppers regularly frequent my laptop because of the heat and light. (The baby grasshoppers probably came from the plants in my balcony, where there're bigger grasshoppers. Yeah, my mum the gardener lives and lets live too.)

Baby lizards, or rather, young lizards (the one that visited last night wasn't that small) come to my laptop, probably for the same reason. The really small ones are cute though, because they're prone to acrobatics, jumping up and down for no apparent reason. (Sorry, Joyce)

Usually I'm less tolerant towards bigger/grosser forms of wildlife, and my human family members are tasked with chasing them away. These include cockroaches, BIG grasshoppers, moths/butterflies (but only when they fly into the house), beetles (esp. the stinky ones!), hairy spiders.

I'm also tolerant of wildlife insofar as they don't actually crawl on to me.

Recollection

I wonder if LSB remembers the night we danced at the bus-stop at his house while it was raining. He thought it was stupid of course, and even I felt a bit embarrassed even though I was the one who coerced him into it. He'll probably kill me for speaking about this in public.

New battleground

US plans to 'fight the net' revealed
A newly declassified document gives a fascinating glimpse into the US military's plans for "information operations" - from psychological operations, to attacks on hostile computer networks.

The operations described in the document include a surprising range of military activities: public affairs officers who brief journalists, psychological operations troops who try to manipulate the thoughts and beliefs of an enemy, computer network attack specialists who seek to destroy enemy networks.

...

It seems to see the internet as being equivalent to an enemy weapons
system.

"Strategy should be based on the premise that the Department [of Defense] will 'fight the net' as it would an enemy weapons system," it reads.

Woah this is some crazy shit. But it's hardly surprising that people in the security sector would see the Internet in this light.

Americans have been notoriously bad at soft power, something that's perhaps not entirely their fault, since people like to pick on the big boys. It's funny though, how they see soft power in such militarized terms. 'Fight the net'? What happened to 'promote cultural awareness and understanding'? It makes it seem like they see everyone else as a potential enemy instead of a potential friend. (or at least the article makes it seem so, and we know how much the BBC likes US foreign policy these days)

Of course now that the document's out in the open, that means more bad press for them. Nobody likes Big Brother propagandists. They should have stuck to the wimpy cultural exchanges.

I also have to say that I don't like the idea of propaganda and surveillance of the Internet being institutionalized and legitimized as part of a 'war'. (I know it happens all the time already.) Netizens unite! (haha)

Have you read the papers?

First tutorial today passed by in a fog of drowsiness. 10am is not a good time for me.

I was looking over LSB's (long-suffering bf) shoulder as he was scanning through microforms of newspapers from the late 1950s and early 1960s.

I never knew the papers were so interesting!

There were the priceless nuggets like 'Cat gives birth to squirrel,' and 'Englishman possessed by spirit of lama.' A lady divorced her husband because he refused to give her money for lipstick and cigarettes. A writer was horrified by homosexuality in prisons. People were to watch out for an injured man-eating tiger. Rubber prices were down. Chantilly lace was debonair (yes, the article used this word!) this summer. Lolita was all the rage among liberals in America, and we weren't certain at all if it was indeed pornography. Dulles had passed away, and the Russians were wrangling in a most uncivilised manner with the Americans. People were struggling with issues of language and culture, and students held emergency meetings to pass resolutions on governmental misdeeds. Algeria and Congo were in the news, as was merger, and Scottish dances were all the fad with 'blood-curdling screams' from the men and 'twirling skirts' attached to girlish waists (yes, actual quotes).

I love the papers.

ed: Just a note, these were local papers.

ed2: LSB just notified me that Malay Mail (the paper we were looking at) was actually a Malayan publication, and therefore not really 'local'. Not that anyone cares, but historians are anal retentive like that.

WTH?

The ES does come close to Wendtian constructivism on one point: materialism vs idealism. Both are in-between positions here, the ES somewhat more materialist than all/most constructivists. But they differ on a whole complex of other questions (notably the view of language, rationality, analysts role, and IR theory/theories) and this brings the ES closer to classical realism and post-structuralism, than to constructivism.
- Ole Waever, 1999.

ARGH! Stop screwing with my mind! That was NOT what I thought the ES was! And how can you mention classical realism and post-structuralism in the same breath? How?!?! How could you? Now what am I supposed to do? Now I know nothing!

------ (edited)

Ok, now that I've calmed down somewhat.

It seems I always get stuck on the theory, esp. the definitions... largely because I still believe that half the argument is won by definitions and categorization. I never seem to get to the application of theory. Ok I admit, it's also partly because I prefer theory to application.

This was exactly what happened to my HT, which was supposed to be an application of theory, but ended up being a meaningless 10,000 word exposition on a minor theoretical point that I could have dealt with in 2 sentences. Oh the benefits of hindsight.

I have to stop reading these theory-related articles and actually get down to application. Soon. As soon as I've got this latest bit figured out.

News

Ancient Greek gods' new believers Followers of the 12 Greek Gods, who, according to mythology, ruled the Ancient World from Mount Olympus, have cast a thunderbolt at their Orthodox opponents.

This was inexplicably amusing to me. Well, not exactly inexplicably. Amusing largely because I've heard the example of 'pagan' worship used in polemics against Christianity so many times (you have 'faith' in your God, but these Greeks, guess what? they had 'faith' too!), it's sort of funny to know they're still around, alive and (kicking and stepping on people's toes).

BlogTV.sg
blogtv.sg is a programme where the blogosphere is transported onto the television screen. Different discussion topics each week are derived from the latest buzz in blogs - be it podcasts, video clips or pictures. Guest bloggers and experts from Singapore and around the world (it could be you!) come onto the show; have chats with our hosts through web cams and even 3G phones.

I should watch TV more often. There've already been 13 episodes on CNA (Channel News Asia, for those not in the know), and I've only just discovered (while surfing, not watching tv, of course).

As far as I can tell from the write-ups on each episode, they tend to focus on social (as opposed to political - again, the separation in Singaporean discourse between 'social' and 'political'. Sorry, I'm Singaporean after all.) issues, except for Ep.12: Big Boys Blogging, which just might cross the line into politics. Of course I wouldn't know how far they went, unless I bother downloading and watching the episode myself.

I find it really interesting though, that if you go to any of the BlogTV.sg pages, there's a column on 'Blogosphere News', much like the 'Business News' or 'Financial News' columns you see on other sites. The idea of a 'Singapore Blogosphere', I think, is gaining currency, and the reinforcement from the MSM will only transfer the idea to more non-bloggers.

Funny how I tend to see non-bloggers as the 'non-'/'different' now.

One turn away from the woods

I've been following this blog for some time, even though the author of the blog doesn't update very frequently nowadays.

The blog's author is a young lady who ended up living in her car on a quiet lane in the woods. She's now no longer homeless, and is about to publish a book. Having been a silent reader of her blog from before she clinched the book deal, I honestly feel very happy for her.

(I know it sounds as if I should start the next sentence with a 'but'. But there's no 'but' here.)

What I find intriguing and compelling about her story is how you can lose your way with just a few wrong turns, and when you look around, you suddenly find that you're all alone in the woods. And how there're probably many many others like her, who haven't had her good fortune.

Contentment

I've realized (with some surprise) that these days I've been more contented and comfortable than I've been in a long long time.

Yes, I whine about loads of stuff, like work, the weather, life and the universe.

But generally, I'm kind of happy.

Maybe it's got to do with my decision to not think about graduate studies/work yet. Maybe it's because of the free and easy (but horribly busy) schedule I have nowadays, allowing me to plan my time as I like (although that'll change soon). Maybe it's because my supervisor already has no illusions about me since I've totally let on that I'm prone to laziness and am unable to communicate with humans without making funny faces at them.

Somehow I feel unbeholden to anyone, no longer perpetually guilty about not being the person people think I am/expect me to be. Which is perhaps why nowadays I've acquired an alarming tendency to whine/act cute, which is the kind of person I really am inside, just that you never knew hehe...

We'll see how long this lasts. I've been hesitant about writing about my new-found contentment, because I'm never sure how temporary these things are. Probably by next week I'll be in the middle of an earth-shaking tragedy as I realise how hopelessly incompetent I am at managing a bunch of undergraduates.

Work

I need to start thinking about work. Seriously. So I'll combine work and blogging as usual.

I need to write a paper showing that ASEAN is an international society, and it'll probably be more difficult than I initially thought. I'll need to take on realism, constructivism (especially constructivism!) and I'll have to say a word or two on regime theory. The thing is, I have to distinguish between arguing for the merits of the English School and arguing that ASEAN is an international society. I'm so used to arguing the first that I've to be very careful not to mix up the 2 arguments (even though they obviously overlap). So... I know that regime theory is different from ES theories - but the question is, is a regime different from an international society?

Assuming I'm able to do that, I've got to look at the 'meat' of international society theory. What does it mean when you say a group of states form an international society? Since I'm adopting the Hedley Bull approach, I'll probably split it into rules and institutions. So I'll be looking at constitutive, coexistence and cooperative rules, and here I'll have to go back to the formal documents + the 'ASEAN Way'. I'll have to look at instances where these rules came into effect. I'll also have to look at balance of power as the primary primary institution, and see if balance of power in ASEAN fits Bull's framework. And then obviously I'll have to deal with the rest of the institutions. War, especially, stands out, and I'll have to deal with the difference between 'classical' ES theory and practice in ASEAN. Throughout this I'll probably have to keep mentioning common interests and values, and how these common interests and values led states to agree on common rules & institutions.

I suspect (especially when talking about bop) that I'll be borrowing a lot from my lecturer's own work. Which I don't like. I don't know how I can bring anything new, and I'd like to at least put up a small defence (however feeble) against my lecturer's arguments. So I should probably take a close look at his book (haha. sighz).

I can probably take issue with Narine's idea of Southeast Asian international society. (assuming the quote I have is representative of his work)

Note to self: when dealing with Constructivism I should also look at ASEAN-6 vs the rest, and then adopt Narine's point about identity not being a precondition for cooperation.

2nd note to self: I'll have to deal with the changes in the international society throughout ASEAN's history. ASEAN expansion would be a problem in terms of organization of the paper.

I'm writing another paper on performance legitimacy in Singapore, and how it has been shaped by discourses.

Surprisingly, I find that I'm more interested during discussions of Singapore politics than discussions about anything else.

For this one I want to narrow down what I mean by 'shaping' performance legitimacy. 'Shape' in what way?

I have to do more theoretical work on 'performance legitimacy'.

I'm also concerned about sources and causal links. So even though there's stuff in the secondary literature to back me up, I'll want to look at more recent official statements etc.

Hopelessly sleepy. Argh.

The blogs I read

Ghostinthewire asks in his entry on ideology and sinthomatic critique:

Can there be a thinking or a performance of criticism that does not repeat itself? Can we analyze and critically engage the social codes around us without participating in them?

Now I mention this not because I'm going to comment on his ideas. I actually don't know enough to make even a vaguely intelligent comment.

But I love reading posts with words like 'sinthomatic' and 'Lacanian' and 'metastasis'. I love these words to bits. They're like word-length poetry; there're so many ideas and concepts and histories (and many many books) squeezed into these few letters that they're quite overwhelming. They're tonnes of thinkers and books and other words cobbled together to form a word. They're such wonderfully delicious words! So many many many things in one! *delirious*

Yeah, and well, you get to learn something from posts like these too. I love all these intelligent people out there. They open doors that I never knew existed to worlds that I never knew existed. I get all excited and stuff. *strikes bimbo pose*

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
- Hamlet

Hmmm. Sinthomatic critique eh...

Oh, and one of my favourite poems (have I posted this before?):

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands

- e.e.cummings

And... (indulge me) one of my favourite quotes:

His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through
the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all
the living and the dead.
- James Joyce

Scatter-brained me

I was so tired yesterday (because the day before I didn't sleep), I came home and went straight to bed. Well... actually I was hell-bent on watching tv, something that I haven't done in peace for ages, and therefore ended up sleeping on the sofa instead. During essay period I seldom sleep in my own bed. :P

Yesterday I forgot to raise the question that's been festering within during a meeting that was meant to answer our questions, and I had to email my query instead.

Today I accidentally took a reference book out of the library and didn't discover till it was a few hours too late. Which means I'll have to go back 1st thing tomorrow morning.

Then I realised I'd forgotten to bring my music teacher's CDs.

And then I left my violin in the long-suffering bf's place.

Argh someone save me from myself.

Imagination

Sometimes I really get tired of the rigour of academic research and writing. I re-read a few pages of Lord of the Rings just now, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. I keep feeling as if I have been neglecting something, and perhaps I've been forced to concentrate so much on rationality and logic that I've neglected the other forms of 'thinking'.

It's so wonderful to be able to let loose and not gnaw away at consistency and methodological precision and unstated assumptions etc. Even humour/wit has become a strain. And listening to good music is strenuous these days too, cos good music tends to short-circuit my brain into a state of frenzied ecstacy. The great thing about LOTR is the colours and songs that you can immerse in, and there's an unapologetic, gentle beauty about the textures of the story that is so different from the stuff I usually have to read. And I keep using the word 'texture' when describing LOTR, because I don't know what other word to use. 140pgs and it feels better than a nap. That's saying something.

*waves fist angrily at Fate, Gravity, and Circumstance*

I cracked my toenail while rushing for class because I was so sleepy. (Actually, what really happened was I stubbed my toe, fell on both hands and knees in the middle of the most populated canteen in the university, and then stared blankly - while still on the floor - at the blood oozing out from under my toenail for about half a minute. Glamorous eh.) Now my entire toe hurts, and I'm paranoid about people stepping on my injured toe. Which was why I came *this* close to screaming at people to get away from me on the MRT today.

So I started my first class of 2007 with a bleeding toenail. I also started my first class realizing that I hadn't copied my readings for that class. Well, at least I didn't do too badly for the book review that I was angsting about.*gloat*

My silly ass of a sister decided to take the module that I might be tutoring (still in denial). Thank goodness I've been assured that there is No Way she'll end up in my class. I keep feeling that I'm more trouble than help to the Dept though. We shall see.

My violin teacher still maintains that I'm on the edge of a great height and a long way down, of failing my exam. Actually, who am I kidding. I'm already off the cliff and reaching terminal velocity. (I know, I know, I never say anything new about my violin lessons).

I *heart* Mayday! They're so smooshy!

Breaking news

"I don't know how some people can be so effortlessly elegant," Friend comments as she brushes crumbs off herself.

"Yeah, totally." I start picking crumbs off myself too.

"They have such poise, such manners... and they know exactly which utensils to use." Friend looks pointedly at me while I pick my croissant up, ignoring fork and knife.

(My hazy impression of that very early Friday morning breakfast conversation. And I've kindly left Friend anonymous.)

.................................................

The bus-stop outside my house is right next to a semi-d, which houses one very big (and cute!) retriever (I'd say golden, but actually it looks off-white).

The reason I know this (despite the non-transparent fence that circles the semi-d) is because I regularly peer under fences (and toilet doors and skirts), and therefore spied four hairy (canine) legs. And because I like to fancy myself a FOD (friend of dogs), I always cluck away at it. It usually responds by lying flat on the ground next to the fence, and sticking its snout out at me, which is about all it can manage, given the fence. And I get to peer into the sad soulful eyes of a wolf-at-heart who would love to pounce on irritating-human-who-sounds (and probably tastes)-like-chicken and rip out my throat if not for this... darn... fence...

...............................................

At this same bus-stop yesterday, a School Bus made a slow and stately stop, and regurgitated a Small Boy.

This particular specimen of Small Boy must be privy to some Small Boy ritual that I'm ignorant of, cos I got quite a scare when he screamed 'TOILET PAPER' at the School Bus. And from within the cavernous depths of the School Bus came a 'TOILET PAPER' that was dripping with contempt and sounded very much like a kid-sized (but very heavy) gauntlet slapping the floor. Or a dirty martini cascading over coiffured hair and 1 inch of cosmetics in public.

A great fury rose from within the innermost core of our Small Boy, and behold! he shook with righteous indignation, a pale flush staining his lily cheeks. From that same innermost core (it's a big one, so it can hold things like 'great furies' and large amounts of half-digested candy), and with Herculean Effort, our Small Boy expelled a last 'TOILET PAPER!!!!!!' at the departing bus, a war-cry that seemed to vibrate through the whole of his defiant, youthful (if somewhat vertically challenged) being.

And then the enemy fled to fight another day, and pursuit was hopeless, and the battle over, and the toilet flushed, and the sun set upon the wealth of the earth, and the moon rose like a queen to her throne (and so on), so he allowed his maid to help him with his armour-disguised-as-school-bag, and made his weary way home.

.......................................................

One note to readers, this is a frivolous blog. It's pink. Therefore posts are not to be taken seriously. Therefore if I say that I'd like to pull someone's fingernails out and insert them in a painful manner under that same person's toenails before hanging said person from a cactus by his entrails, this means I might have made detailed plans. But that's all.

So when I say 'breaking news', it probably means 'nothing important'.

My Ultimate Romantic Songs list

I always forget how differently I behave in front of different people. Some people think I'm very mature and serious. It seems as if I've saved all my immaturity for long-suffering bf (LSB). You guys have no idea.

I'm in the mood for music today! But music really makes me tired. Anyways, I decided to compile my Ultimate Romantic Songs List! (URSL) (I've acronymised the world!)

I love this song:

That's All
Artist:Michael Buble

I can only give you love that lasts forever,
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all,
That's all

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter night
That's all,
That's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all.

Isn't it deliciously soppy? Isn't it? Isn't it?

Ok, next:

On the Street Where You Live

I have often walked down this street before;
But the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before.
All at once am I
Several stories high.
Knowing I'm on the street where you live.

Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour
Out of ev'ry door?
No, it's just on the street where you live!

And oh! The towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near.
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear!

People stop and stare.
They don't bother me.
For there's no where else on earth that I would rather be.
Let the time go by, I won't care if I
Can be here on the street where you live.

I've gotta admit I'm not a huge fan of the lyrics for this one. There is such a thing as TOO sappy. But the glorious romantic melody! The strings!

Well, from the same film, I like the lyrics of the next a lot more:

I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face Lyrics

I've grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I've grown accustomed to the tune that
She whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I was serenely independent and content before we met;
Surely I could always be that way again-
And yet I've grown accustomed to her look;
Accustomed to her voice;
Accustomed to her face

This one is such a tender little song... And I've got a thing for Prof Higgins, so... ;)

Ok, I've left out the sad romantic songs, and the non-English/Chinese ones. But my absolute absolute ultimate favourite romantic song would be:

追
張囯榮
曲:李迪文
詞:林夕

這一生也在進取 這分鐘卻挂念誰
我會說是唯獨你不可失去
好風光似幻似虛 誰明人生樂趣
我會說為情為愛仍然是對
誰比你重要 成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要 狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒
一追再追
只想追趕生命裏一分一秒 原來多麽可笑
你是真正目標
一追再追
追蹤一些生活最基本需要 原來早不缺少
有了你即使平凡卻最重要

好光陰縱沒太多 一分鐘那又如何
會與你共同渡過都不枉過
瘋戀多錯誤更多 如能重新做過
我會說願能為你提前做錯
誰比你重要 成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要 狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒
一追再追
只想追趕生命裏一分一秒 原來多麽可笑
你是真正目標
一追再追
追蹤一些生活最基本需要 原來早不缺少
有了你即使平凡卻最重要

只想追趕生命裏一分一秒 原來多麽可笑
你是真正目標
一追再追
追蹤一些生活最基本需要 原來早不缺少
只得你會較我仿佛人群裏最重要
有了你即使沉睡了
也在笑

I'll fall in love straightaway with any guy who sings this to me, I swear.　

I'm sure I left many songs out. Tsk. Too tired to think.

Ok, let me go swoon now (or rather, let me go read my book now).

Music and Mess

Music of the Hemispheres
“When we saw all this activity going on precisely in sync, in this order, we knew we had the smoking gun,” he said. “We’ve always known that music is good for improving your mood. But this showed precisely how it happens.”

Saying Yes to Mess
An anti-anticlutter movement is afoot, one that says yes to mess and urges you to embrace your disorder. Studies are piling up that show that messy desks are the vivid signatures of people with creative, limber minds (who reap higher salaries than those with neat “office landscapes”) and that messy closet owners are probably better parents and nicer and cooler than their tidier counterparts. It’s a movement that confirms what you have known, deep down, all along: really neat people are not avatars of the good life; they are humorless and inflexible prigs, and have way too much time on their hands.

I'd really like to believe this. Mainly because I've been working for months in my living room because there's no more space on my bedroom floor or table for me and my laptop.

It's all in the name.

Quiz: how will you die? (detailed anwsers with wonderful morbid pics)

..... oh-kay. 'wonderful morbid pics' eh.

I'll probably die of either boredom or lack of sleep. Stick around to see which gets me first. *suspense*

Happy new year.

What do you think I'm doing on NYE?

Womb environment 'makes men gay'
A man's sexual orientation may be determined by conditions in the womb, according to a study.

Of course I haven't read the report, so don't ask me about methodological flaws etc.

The same story at Scientific American: Having Older Brothers Increases a Man's Odds of Being Gay

Porcine humour

the transcendental pig: A picture-thinking xmas special! - really funny, if a little erudite.

Post-Christmas Nostalgia

Boxing Day early afternoon. It's still raining, and outside my balcony, the birds are flying low and crazily, like stunt pilots gone wild. I'm feeling lazy, and my violin teacher is pissed with me again.

It was a pretty quiet Christmas, largely because I wasn't where I expected to be, and because my family very smartly decided to repair our 2 PCs on Christmas (and repairs lasted till midnight). I gave the bf a choice between listening to me sing songs over the phone or proving once and for all that he really really really doesn't love me.

I spent the rest of the night after that remembering all the friends I did not have the ability to hold on to.

Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas.

Quote courtesy of Jean, who SMSed it to me in the morning, as I was waking up from hazy dreams of those who're no longer by my side.

Because I'm not as forward-looking as most of you think.

March Odyssey (三月天一征) by NUS Chinese Orchestra (新加坡国立大学华乐团)

Doing a bit of a promotion for a friend. Do go if you're curious about/ interested in/ enjoy Chinese music!

1st Christmas on justareed

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy the celebrations and/or break from work!

I've been complaining about work these few days. But the moment I get free time I happily, voluntarily start researching. Because I want to. Go figure. I think that probably the best way to get me to do work is to give me a holiday.

Curse of the Golden Flower is a good show. Go forth and watch! Unfortunately Jay is a really really really lousy actor. In the only scene where he had any real acting to do, people actually laughed. You've gotta do better than that, Jay. Especially since everyone else on the cast is a pretty good actor/actress. But I like the song hee.

Holiday mood rant

I really really need a holiday. I need the type of holiday where everyone gets drunk and we're all too busy having fun to even think about work. Cos guess what? I'll have to bring work with me wherever I go... again. So I need the type of holiday that I usually avoid (usually I want to read).

I'm in the 2nd trimester now (cue pregnancy jokes), but really, it feels like it's been one whole, extra-long, upsized semester.

You working types will probably laugh at my lack of stamina. But I swear studying takes more out of you. (but who am I to say?)

I'm so tired. The past 2 assignments were literally started and completed on the day they were due. Looks like tomorrow's assignment will be the same. I'm so tired, I don't even care about the quality of my papers anymore. I've actually written things I knew were wrong (or rather, very dubious), but I put them in anyway. Anything to get rid of the assignment.

Perhaps part of the problem is I haven't been skipping class. Yes, I know, the sun's been rising from the west these days, or haven't you noticed? I feel compelled to go to class in a way I haven't felt since my primary school days. Not because I particularly enjoy the classes, but simply because.

I hate regular schedules with a vengeance. Even though I only go to school twice a week, I hate the thought of having no choice but to go to school on those 2 days. It starts out as a small irritant, a small loss of freedom, a small price paid. Then after a while, it starts getting on my nerves, and I start feeling really restricted. And school's so far away (by public transport), and it's been raining these days. But I go anyway.

Plus, as always, you don't see me anywhere without my readings. I'm starting to hate that these readings seem to have taken over my life. Even if I don't read them, I take them everywhere, and I keep planning my schedule around them (implementation is another matter). I'm starting to crave being able to take a minuscule/microscopic bag out with me... one that is less than A4, less than A5 even. Something that only has space for cash and lipstick and cell. In fact, I'm tempted to just leave my cell at home.

And no, there's no rest for the weary this holidays. Happy holidays to the happy people of the world anyway. *bitter*

I've been ultra-whiny these few days. Apologies to all, especially long-suffering bf.

Also, looks like I've to reluctantly turn down get-tipsy offer from J, cos my family's travelling early Sat morn. Thanks for the offer though. I'm really tempted, and if everything had been different... *sighs regretfully*

*whine*

Well, hopefully with that out of my system I can finally start writing this darn review.

This is ruining my life

Why is no one impressed by my newfound ability (thanks to James）to type in Chinese? 爲什麽?

Why I need a thesis supervisor with a sense of humour

Thesis Sup (referring to outline): So, what do you mean by 'ASEAN multilateralism'?

Me: Erm... well... I guess the ASEAN Way? Wait, what am I thinking. Erm... give me a minute. *closes eyes, opens eyes, but he hasn't disappeared yet* I guess I mean ASEAN attempts at multilateral diplomacy?

...

TS: What is this section supposed to accomplish?

Me: Hmmm. I think I thought that with this section, I could... *blah*

...

TS: Ok, so you can review this book for next Friday.

Me: Erm, the deadline for the book review is this Friday.

TS: The deadline is this Friday and you haven't even chosen your book?

Me: *laughs nervously* *bites tongue to stop self from telling him I also have an essay due tomorrow that I haven't started on*

(Yes, I know my classmates talked to you about the book review like, 3 weeks ago. Damn those civil servants.)

...

TS: What is your writing style? Are you the type who waits till the last minute to write or...

Me: *nods emphatically*

TS: I had a feeling you would say that.

Me: *kicks self for nodding too emphatically*

...

TS: It sounds exciting.

Me: *realizing that nothing is going to improve my image, sticks tongue out at him and tries to act cute*

In the end, I waltzed out of his office with a pink, furry halo of hard-earned bimboticness.

He saw the sheen of stark panic in my eyes, and verily, he was amused.

This is also the reason why I avoid meeting my supervisors until I've submitted my thesis. Just so they don't get scared off.

Studying the wrong thing

Ed, pls note.

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Yay consistency :P

Too much drama

I figured that if I was going all the way to the airport, I might as well go there early so I could study there.

Unfortunately, I didn't count on me being me. I was so bored and sleepy, I locked myself in a toilet cubicle, just so I didn't have to act like a normal, functional adult.

If you haven't realised (which tends to be the case for people who don't lock themselves in toilet cubicles unless absolutely necessary), a toilet cubicle is a boring place unless you have pressing matters to attend to inside the cubicle. And being a product of modern society, my sole source of entertainment was my handphone. So I started taking pictures of myself in the cubicle (from the neck up only!). If anybody is interested, I've got a rather boring sound recording of people washing their hands.

Maybe I'll tell you about my encounters (all in the past week!) with hookers, sex maniacs, film-makers and civil servants some other time.

PS. If you think you know the author of this blog, let me assure you that you've got it all wrong. That girl you know? She would never consider locking herself in the toilet for 20 mins. Never. And the handphone antics? Not a chance. Just remember the next time you see her, She Didn't Write This. In fact, she spent those 20mins identifying her dissertation research question and she finished the 3 books she brought with her to the airport. Yeah, that's what she did.

Another bad day

I've got no grandparents left.

Bad day

I've been an idiot :P Ah well, what's new?

Research is essentially a solitary enterprise. It's simply learning and knowing and thinking... all by yourself. Even if you discuss with someone else, or work in a team, you're all on your own. The thoughts are all yours, the work's all yours. Even if you get a research assistant, there's no escaping it. Writing is so individualistic, I can't see how any academic can survive without an invincible self-esteem. When it comes to academia, I have a huge inferiority complex. :P

The past few weeks have been so hectic, and I've been constantly surrounded by people, so it's difficult to get back into research mode. Usually I'm good with solitude. I like solitude. Solitude tastes like tea without sugar or milk. Tea without sugar and milk is my alone-drink. But solitude + research + out of town bf really takes some getting used to.

I'm not a sports person. Far from it. But as long as I'm not wearing heels and not carrying too much stuff, no one's ever been able to outwalk me. I walk when I can't get my thoughts straightened out (which is often the case these days). Unfortunately, walking doesn't straighten my thoughts out. Looks like walking is my substitute for thinking. Sometimes I miss having someone walk with me.

Argh I'm so worn out.

Frailty, thy name is woman!

被爱的女人
李玟
作词：许常德　作曲：郭子　编曲：钱幽兰

在镜子前面 我是个被爱的女人
他站在门外　这个周末我可以依赖在他的胸怀
在情人面前　我还是单身的女人
爱若缺了缘份
我想我只能用情至深
但不能太认真
为什么被爱　有时却觉得悲哀
为什么我还是害怕一个人醒来
为什么相爱　日子却依然空白
为什么你　走不到我的未来
让爱固定下来　我不会永远青春可爱
我的美丽要你的温柔帮我保留下来
让爱固定下来　我和你　不要不要分开
我不要爱一再一再彩排
我不是每次失恋后都能从新再来

Words heard

Seen in a female mag - 'chiffon and ruffles for a Marie Antoinette chic'. What? The headless kind?

Seen on cubicle doors of Far East toilet (female of course) - 'bidet'. Like your regular Far East-going population would know what a 'bidet' is.

Actually, I haven't really had the chance to talk about the trip to Taipei. What struck me most was how so many people were interested in freedom of speech/democracy/blogs. (My paper was on politicized blogging in S'pore, which has nothing to do with what I'm studying now, but heck.) The comment I received most frequently was 'I was listening to your presentation, and I was struck by how similar your country is to mine!' Hmmm.

If you look closely at the news, you'll find plenty of blog-related developments. Eg. China may make bloggers give ID. Thanks to James for this one, I've just stopped keeping tabs after I got the paper over and done with. :P

Oh, and let me whine about how Singapore's bookstores never carry the books I need. *whine*

In the Mood for Music

Argh this isn't a time for one of my music moods to come along. I don't have the time.

Digging up all my old CDs, and listening to songs I haven't listened to for a long long time. I can't seem to concentrate on anything else when I'm in this mood. (besides blogging that is)

Listening to someone's playing for the 1st time is an important thing for me, largely because it's just important lar. Don't ask me why. :P

And I really don't have the time. Argh.

Oh, and I don't just need a bag. I need The Bag. The kind of bag Superman brings to the Sun when his arms are occupied with carrying Lois Lane and he's got no pockets to store his toiletries and the Empire State Building (all the better to swing around, my dear). The kind of bag that laughs at the thought of falling apart because it is Superman's Choice. The kind of bag that will never break before my shoulder does, and preferably the kind of bag that I can hang around my neck/waist/toe even after my shoulder breaks. Because I'm just so tired of having bags fall apart on me.

Incoherent thoughts

The weather sucks in Singapore.

The work piled up like crazy while I was away. Which sucks.

I'm sleepy. That sucks too.

I need to start working on that thesis! (and to stop sleeping! I'm not even jetlagged!)

I still have a lot to learn when it comes to relationships of all kinds.

I hate going for official dinners. I really REALLY hate it like crazy. But I don't seem to have a choice. Argh.

I wasted 65SGD today. Sighz.

I really can't think of anything coherent to say. Too tired.

back from taipei

Just got back from Taipei, which is a really lovely city. I'm in love with the people there haha... and the international delegates as well! *big muackz*

I guess I learnt a lot too. However, now's not the time to talk about that. Just finished settling some stuff, really braindead, and off to either get some sleep or play the piano.

But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

out of town

Flying off in a couple of hours. Won't be back till end of next week.

Bises to all, and a big muackz for the darling bf.

Wish me luck people, I'm operating on no sleep.

A bientot!

This is funny!

So what's with all the dinosaurs?
The world's first Creationist museum - dedicated to the idea that the creation of the world, as told in Genesis, is factually correct - will soon open. Stephen Bates is given a sneak preview and asks: was there really a tyrannosaurus in the Bible?
I love the mailing list I'm on. I'm always astounded at the weird people who actually walk the earth. That, my dear, is the real miracle.

tragedy of epic proportions

*panic*

My violin teacher has been mumbling, crone-like, throughout my classes, and all I can make out are ominous phrases like 'late again' 'going to fail' 'grade 8' 'needs practice' 'newt's tail'.

My thesis sup has very nicely allowed extended my deadline, but has glared at me in class when I resolutely refuse to contribute to the discussion (largely because I haven't read for the class). He has also reminded me that whatever the case, I must see him by the end of the year. Which means I get an extension of about... 1? 2? weeks. Not enough.

I'm trying to console myself for the failure of a test I haven't taken. I know I won't pass already.

My readings are piling up, and I'm going to miss 2 very important classes.

It looks like next year I'll be making another major commitment.

I need this trip to be over and done with.

*cry*

Neurosis

Today in school I saw a girl wearing a familiar t-shirt. It turned out to be the GEP 20th anniversary shirt. My first reaction was utter disgust, cos who goes around wearing a GEP shirt? Your primary school shirt, no problem. I walked around in a 1993 Teochew clan association t-shirt inherited from my cousin (who probably got it for free) until I finally decided to dump it in 2005. Do the maths yourself. I've got saucy t-shirts that amuse my friends to no end and have raised a few eyebrows (eg. at the Student Affairs Office today). But a GEP t-shirt is plain bad taste.

Ah... the neurosis. Golden Rule: Never let anyone know you're a gepper unless under torture or insistent questioning. If you break this rule you're an arrogant show-off. Geppers should be aware of the dirtiness of their past and should be properly defensive and secretive about that bloody period of their lives. (it's like being an ex-Nazi in Israel. You don't exactly go around sporting Hitler memorabilia.) This rule does not apply if you're blogging.

It also seems as if geppers combine an overweening, arrogant sense of destiny with a neurotic (that word again!) but similarly arrogant inferiority complex. Geppers are supposed to achieve everything, and if they haven't, they wander about all day wondering why they haven't become the 1st Singaporean to become the President of the United States yet and angsting about whether this means that they're actually (I can't even say this without an existential fear gripping my being {haha}) dumb.

Geppers also like to blame their disastrous lives, lack of social skills, poor grades, emotional breakdowns, relationship problems, lack of direction, inability to finish work on time, even their successes that are actually failures (omg why did I get an A when I actually wanted a B?) on GEP. Geppers are therefore sincerely apologetic for not being grateful enough for the unfair advantages conferred upon them by the use of taxpayers' money.

Note: pls ignore all generalizations made in this post.

Violin teacher

Violin teacher: That candidate failed. And he played 10 times better than you.

Do you count that as having a way with words? Or just (brutal) honesty?

Argh I'm going to fail my violin exams!!!!!!!!!!!!! (& my classes, and my diss., and my DELF!)

Tentative songs for my wedding (that no one will recognize except J) (just indulge me. I'm female):

- That's All (Buble)
- East of the Sun (& West of the Moon) (Sinatra)
- Me & My Gal (Kelly & Garland)
- Mine (I've got the track, don't know the singers)
- The Way You Look Tonight (Sinatra)
- Come Fly with Me (Sinatra) --> for honeymoon!
- Moon River
- Quand On S'Aime (french duet by unknown singers on the CD someone hasn't returned to me after 2 yrs. *ahem*)
- Aren't you kind of glad we did (Garland duet)
- Let's Call the Whole Thing Off (Louis & Ella) --> if I'm feeling cheeky hehe
- Can This Be the End of the Rainbow --> to finish off

Hee that's all I can think of now. Unfortunately, I don't think I get to decide wedding tracks. Sighz.

And no one's supposed to use this list for their wedding!

These songs make me happy! They're smiley songs.

*slaps self out of bimbo mode* Back to work.

Can you join MI6 as a linguist?

Check Your Skills We are currently looking for linguists with written and spoken fluency in Arabic, Persian, Urdu, Chinese and Spanish. We will be recruiting for other languages at a later date so if your skills are in other languages please bookmark this site and keep checking it.
Click on the language you are interested in to test your skills.

I pass the test for Chinese... But for French, if I get 3 (actually 3.5!) out of 5 right (and after much hair-tearing), would they still consider me?

It seems that the Chinese test is easier than the French one (I don't understand the rest, sorry). I mean, a write-up on a simple survey vs an exposition on Debussy?

Hey... no wonder I didn't get all the French ones right. (haha...)

Disclaimer: I have no intention of joining MI6, I think James Bond is a bit of a bastard, and I'm not Brit anyway.

BBC again

Searching for 'our alien origins'
The late Sir Fred Hoyle and Professor Chandra Wickramasinghe have been the champions of "Panspermia", the idea that life on Earth originated on another planet.

Pakistan votes to amend rape laws
Pakistan's national assembly has voted to amend the country's strict Sharia laws on rape and adultery.

Missed opportunities

I'm in my "did I do the right thing" mode again.

What I chose to do for one year saved me a lot of money, opened a few doors and allowed me to do some of the things I've been meaning to do. Unfortunately, my choice also closed a lot of doors that, if someone had only bothered to tell me about earlier, I'd have jumped at the chance to enter. I guess it can't be helped, since these other doors didn't even exist when I made my choice.

Sighz.

Ah well, time to go practise that darn violin. Busy busy busy...

(btw, I'm using the new blogger. If it screws up and my entire blog is lost, I'll announce it on MSN.)

My original colour

I wanted to buy concealer, because I'd finished my last pot after... 1?2? years? (yes, I know you're not supposed to keep them for that long). Because I'm an idiot when it comes to makeup, I asked the salesgirl to help me choose a colour.

Salesgirl: What's your original colour?

Me: *chortle*

*imaginary conversation ensues*

Me: Oh, I used to be this lovely shade of royal purple, but it's so difficult to match clothes and accessories. I mean, I could only wear gold, green, silver and white! So I got a new paint job.

Sg: I know what you mean! I was born scarlet myself, and trust me, while it's striking, you look like a walking bull's eye. And I got all these jokes during Chinese New Year...

Me: Ya, it's so difficult choosing skin colour these days, especially since we have to blend in with this yellow crowd here...

Sg: Totally! By the way, when was the last time the mothership contacted you?

*imaginary conversation ends*

Sg (looks mildly offended): Because when people get a tan, I usually ask them to go back to their original colour before getting makeup.

Me: Oh... right...

It's over!

The end of my misery and the beginning of my embarrassment. I've just submitted a really lousy paper that I'll probably have to present to a strange, hostile, condescending audience.

I decided to travel beyond my safe, familiar neighbourhood to explore the world. And of course beyond my safe, familiar neighbourhood, big bad wolves lurk. I think I just lost a limb or two.

*cries her way home*

I'll never take risks again!

(see NUS Graduate Employment Survey below. Now you know what my honest answer is.)

NUS Graduate Employment Survey 2006

This is Q.39 from the survey (see title)

39. What are your reasons for not being interested in becoming an entrepreneur?
(Please check boxes that are applicable)
1. Afraid to undertake risk - I prefer to stay within my comfort zone.
2. An entrepreneur is born, not made.
3. Culture in Singapore is not suitable for entrepreneurship.
4. Difficult to obtain government grants and subsidies.
5. Difficult to obtain information on entrepreneurship.
6. Domestic market is too small to support market players.
7. Education system here does not encourage initiative.
8. Fear approaching others to discuss my business concepts.
9. Fear of failure.
10. Lack of personal financial resources (e.g. savings & liquid assets) to pull off entrepreneurship.
11. Lack of support from my parents and relatives.
12. Lack of support from my peers.
13. Lack the persona for it.
14. Lack the skill sets required of entrepreneurship (e.g. communication, strategic thinking & networking).
15. Need a regular job to finance commitments (e.g. support siblings & parents, paying for the apartment, etc).
16. No idea what business to pull off.
17. Not fortunate enough to be born into a conducive environment (e.g. educated parents, old money, etc).
18. Not inspired - there is a lack of success stories that I can identify with.
19. Not interested in Local Market - better opportunities elsewhere.
20. Parents have expectations of what I should be.
21. Usually do not plan so far ahead. I just see where life goes from here.
22. Others (Please specify)

I chose others, and specified: i've other goals. y do these options associate lack of interest in biz with some sort of deficiency?

I don't really understand this. Is this some type of ideological manipulation where they hope that by forcing you to associate negative traits with lack of entrepreneurial desire you'll feel obliged to become an entrepreneur?

Argh

I keep doing work without accomplishing anything. Bad.

I'm notoriously bad at keeping in contact with old friends. Just realized I haven't heard from/seen a particular friend in 1? 2? year(s)? Darn, I can't even remember.

The last I saw her she was flying off somewhere... and for the life of me I can't remember where. She should be somewhere in UK I think...

I don't know if she's still using the same number/email add, but I sent her an email anyway.

Hmmm. Argh I'm lousy at this.

behind the news again

Hey I just realised Saddam has been sentenced to death!

(And you all wonder how I could survive political science for 4 years.)

But the whole episode just makes me a little sad.

I don't like the death sentence, not even in this case.

It's not going to solve anything, you know.

gloating

Gloat.

Gloat.

Gloat some more.

Mwahahahaha I got the dissertation supervisor I wanted! *does crazy dance*

Gloat.

Gloat.

Ok enough of that.

The ceiling light in my bedroom is making a humming/buzzing noise that only my sis and I can hear. If I didn't know better I'd think it's some kind of divine/satanic/ghostly/alien communication directed specifically at myself and my worthy sibling.

I do know better, so when the jack-of-all-trades uncle came by to help us with various stuff today (aka the leaky toilet, the busted light - yes, my house is falling apart), I asked him if he could help me with it. Nope, he can't hear the noise. Nope, his assistant can't hear it either. It didn't help that my mum kept saying that no one could hear it but my sister and I. They looked at me strangely.

Hmmm.

Hello? Is anyone out there? Are you trying to tell us something? Stop mumbling like Jay and tell us what you want.

Gloat.

plasticine lizard

A strange-looking lizard died in the middle of my living room. For some reason it looked fake, like a lizard made of dark brown plasticine... Being the coward that I am, I ran into my bedroom while my mum got rid of it.

I like baby lizards. They're cute.

In a Rut (just my life in general)

My brain can't wrap itself round the idea of writing a paper that has nothing to do with politics... I find myself reading for a political angle even though That Is Not What I Want. Maybe I should give up the fight and just write something on politics.

And I keep thinking about the paper I submitted on Friday, largely because it's for the module that I lost 25% for during the exams, so I really need to do well for that essay. Unfortunately, procrastination being a hard habit to break, I submitted a really dubious paper. Sighz.

My poor darling honeymunchkins is not feeling well, so being the sweet, committed girlfriend I am, I went out with my girl friends today and bought a ridiculously expensive tin of safflower & orange flower cookies. Which I'm going to eat because my darling honeymunchkins shouldn't be eating expensive cookies right now. Get well soon, honeymunchkins! *sends smooches from afar*

Back from failing the exams!

A government for all its intelligence, is nothing if it lacks empathy.

I think that the reason why we don’t seem to have much of a heart, is because our current administration is, apart from the grassroots, highly divorced from the ground. The scholars are the best of the best, the brightest of the brightest; with degrees from Oxbridge or the Ivy Leagues, and who have near perfect GPAs and CCA records. But how many of our administrators can see things from the other side? Do we actually go and visit a 2 room flat infested with bed bugs and talk to the people living there? When we talk about a “world-class” transport system, do our reviewers actually get onto the buses during peak hours and experience for themselves what it is like to be all squished up with every single other person around? I even remember someone telling me, that one of the new P65 MPs had actually said that before he joined the grassroots, he didn’t know that developed countries still had poor people.

Yep, I'm done with my exams! The first went off the richter scale in terms of damage done, and today's paper, compared to the first, was not too bad. I solemnly swear I shall not misread the question and lose 25% of my grade ever again. I also solemnly swear I shall never again be unmotivated and lazy, or else I shall be forced to repeat this same oath.

On to the essays!