irritated

My current piece of work is irritating the hell out of me, and I'm on the verge of smashing my laptop into pieces. Close to half an hour and only 5mins done.

You have no idea how frustrating it is to sit here till my butt aches and listen to the same 5mins over and over and over. Argh.

I'm also well aware that I'm well on my way to failing that stupid French test. What drives me to register for the same test year after year when I absolutely hate studying for french? (Ok, so this is only the second year. Still.) I must hate myself dammit.

Also, LSB seems to take a perverse delight in provoking me these days. He's getting too damn cocky. Just you wait, my most cherished and beloved, I'll have my revenge when I next set eyes and claws and fangs on you.

Cold

I've been reading up on Singapore's history, and I really hate it. The stuff I've read just makes me feel cold and frightened. It's not that I didn't know about all this. I did, but in a general, abstract, and therefore non-threatening way. But the more I know about the details, the chillier Singapore feels.

I don't want anything to do with something so evil and disgusting. I'd prefer not to know any of this and be content with seeing only the Singapore that has been my home for more than 20 years. Singapore is a place where my friends and family are, a place where I think I'll be living for a long time. So I don't want to see that horrendous side of this place, and I don't want this home to be tainted by knowledge of all of those horrible things.

I'll never make it as a history student, will I? I don't want anything to do with politics, ever.

Sea Fever - John Ireland

Well, here's an alternative to the usual violin/pop/rock/jazz/animals. Beautiful rendition, paints lovely picture of grey seas and windswept rugged coasts.

Battle at Kruger

Oh man, this is high drama. Plus the ongoing commentary from safari tourists is hilarious (accents make me laugh). Yes, I experienced many moments of unbearable suspense.

Re: Cat Talking, Translation

Ah I get it, too many animal videos! But animal videos are cute! So cute! And the dubbing here is really good!

violin results

Ahahaha I finally dropped by my violin teacher's to get my Grade 8 results slip & cert.

The component that I felt most confident for was the horriblest! Damn I was sure I played that piece ok.

And my AURAL actually had close to full marks. My AURAL! When about 2 weeks before my exam, I couldn't identify the chords, couldn't sing the lower part, couldn't identify the watchacallit (see, I don't even know what I was supposed to identify). I can't believe my aural saved my ass lolz. I can't believe I actually got all my answers correct! That's some pretty amazing guesswork I did heh.

As expected, I flunked my scales. On the morning of my exam I was desperately trying to memorize the fingering for the scales. The surprise is that I actually got 10 marks for the scales. What are the 10 marks for? Failing to play in tune? Not smoothly playing a single scale? Apologising profusely throughout that component? Strictly speaking I should have gotten a big fat zero. Seriously, I didn't get a single scale right. It was all horrible. *kowtows to examiner for boundless mercy*

Anywayz. I'm just glad I survived the exam. More than glad. Amazed that I survived the exam. But in a glad way. Hehehe. And of course now the next stage of learning commences!

recoiling in disgust

This was my last comment in a discussion I had:

" Wow. I must say you left me speechless for a moment. I'm... flabbergasted.

On one hand, you say that you reject moral relativism, and would fight to uphold your moral values. On the other hand, you say that in this world justice is relative and some injustice is ok, provided conservatives are not at the receiving end of the injustice.

On one hand, you say that you will, given the chance, deprive certain individuals of equality and freedom. On the other hand, you say that this is tolerance and love.

On one hand you say you don't know enough to tell others what to do. On the other hand you say you know enough about the reality of this world to tell others what to do.

To be frank, the views you've espoused seem to me wrong on so many levels... they're contradictory, and more importantly, repulsive. So repulsive that I really don't understand how you can believe that your views are morally right. If our conscience is God-given, mine is obviously telling me something very different from yours.

Gosh. It's difficult for me to even articulate how I feel about your views... Your answers seem cold and depressing and harsh and evil to me, and I'm even quite afraid of you. I guess different eyes really see different worlds huh.

Nevertheless, thank you for your answers, and unless you have any response to my comments, I don't think I feel like flooding you with questions anymore."

Now what the topic of the debate was isn't important (suffice to say it was triggered by the Great Homosexuality Debate). I just need to fully express my feelings about this! Because even though my language was far from diplomatic in my comment, it is actually very restrained, as compared to how I really feel.

If I met this person, I would really recoil in horror from him. I don't want to have to shake his hand, don't want to touch him, don't want to have to breathe the same air as him. Because what he says is SO abhorrent to me, and because of his attitude. The way he carelessly flings these repulsive statements and still maintains his air of self-righteousness. In fact, a large part of the reason why I don't want to talk to him anymore is because I feel polluted even talking to him. I'm just so disgusted and repulsed and horrified and frightened of him that at the moment, it'd be best if I never spoke to him or heard about him again. I feel as if I've been wading in slime. I feel as if a cockroach or a snail just slithered over my legs. I just don't want to deal with something as abhorrent and incomprehensible as him ever again.

My emotional reaction to him is almost visceral. In the days of my cavemen ancestors did they have to deal with an opponent like him and therefore passed down genes that make me react to him the way I would react to someone licking up a big piece of snot? Major eewness. But I've got the feeling that somewhere down the road we'll rehash this argument again. Sigh. Eew. I've got the creepy crawlies. :(

Ah yes, I know how to describe it. It's as if I set out to hunt a wolf, something savage and dangerous, but natural and understandable and not evil. Then I discover I'm actually hunting a vampire, horrifying, disgusting, incomprehensible, evil. And I'm so scared I don't care about hunting it already. I just want to escape and hope it doesn't find me and forget vampires even exist and never have anything to do with it ever again. Yes. That describes it perfectly *cries*

Two crybabies

*dieded laughing again*

frustration

One reason why I can never have pretty nails is cos when you have pretty nails, you have longish nails, and longish nails don't allow you to pummel the keys on your piano with your full strength when you're feeling frustrated. In fact, not being able to bludgeon those keys to death with your full strength only makes you more frustrated, as the piece you're playing, already disfigured by lack of skill and disregard for art (due to frustration), becomes thoroughly unsatisfying.

And the reason I'm grouching here? Because there's no one at home for me to scratch their eyes out to express my deep, deep frustration.

Urgh.

derailed!

Haiyo, I keep forgetting to do what I want. What's the point of being unemployed if you don't do what you want to do?

So I'll hurry and finish up all this irritating work and studying, and then I can finally get down to: that damn philo thing that I started and mean to finish and my violin and various little other stuff that shall remain undisclosed for now.

Gizmo Flushes

*dies laughing*

Ok, that's a lot of cat videos huh. Sorry, I just need a kitten. A blur, stupid kitten. Right now.

cat plays sitar - day and night

This cat has the most grief-stricken/far distance gaze I've ever seen. It's totally like, I can still see my faithful men, spilling sweat and blood against the invaders. I can still hear the sounds of battle in the stillness of the night. I can still feel the rush of ten thousand men flying to their doom. Oh my homeland! My fatherland! Oh the music of the sitar recalls to me your rolling hills and sweet winds. Oh the music of the sitar recalls to me the fateful battle that ended it all. Oh my homeland, when shall I feel your warm soils beneath my paws again?*

*my interpretation of its gaze

Am I that boring?

I was waiting alone at the bus-stop when somebody's dog stuck its nose out from under the fence and rested its nose on the ledge. I got the feeling it had nothing to do on a weekday afternoon and decided to just watch the world pass by.

Such a sweet-faced little doggy, I thought to myself. I clucked at it and then I pretended to throw stuff at it. It looked at me wordlessly. I made my ezlink card disappear into my pocket and held my hands out in mock amazement. I hid behind the pillar and jumped out again. It turned away in disgust and disappeared from sight.

And then I thought to myself, damn, I didn't even get a picture of it. So I cooed and clucked, but it refused to appear. In the end I resorted to playing my handphone ringtone at maximum volume over and over, and sure enough, it came over to investigate and I got its picture. And after a while even my handphone failed to keep its interest and it disappeared yet again.

I think we, the two of us, we had a real connection. Yeah.

Munchkin

Omg tell me why it's so cute. Tell me! It's the not understanding that kills me...

la mode

Was taking the bus back from driving school (yes, update for all of you, I drove a car for the first time today and almost hit the accelerator instead of the brakes, but slammed my left foot down on the brakes just in time, which, the instructor promptly informed me, is an immediate fail during the test), when I overheard a young couple's conversation. (Don't you love long sentences?)

The doe-eyed nymphette was gaily planning her boyfriend's wardrobe for prom, polytechnic, and presumably, the rest of his life.

He has to wear blue (because she's wearing blue), with vertical stripes, and a white jacket (because everyone else will be wearing black), and white and silver Nike shoes (because she might be wearing silver shoes), and he can reuse those Nike shoes for polytechnic (he's not going to wear havanas is he?), and he has to wear all that - no arguments! - because she's been planning this for a long time, and hell, they're going to look better than all the other couples.

Dude, you're gonna look ridiculous.

This was especially funny for me in light of several recent conversations I've had.

* If above-mentioned girl or guy ever read this, oops, but you're a cute couple.

sigh...

major awwwness

Someone made and someone accepted a marriage proposal on Cuteoverload!!!!! That is just major awwwness!!!!!!!!!!!

And of course since Cuteoverload seems to be estrogen-dominated, readers were all excited and screamy haha. Me included, but I'm a lurker, so.

The marriage proposal's cute, but the screamy readers who (I gather) followed the story for hours were also cute lol. It's funny how something like that immediately tickles out a sense of community, and even a sense of communal history (i.e. 1st marriage proposal on the site).

random little bits

Lalala... bought a Ryuichi Sakomoto for 22 bucks yesterday at That CD Shop (as opposed to the average price of 60-70 bucks at HMV). My diversification seems to be coming along quite smoothly. Solo piano music, and most of it sounds as if it could be played at the ending of arty movies. Very easy to listen to, somewhat pleasant, but avoids the saccharine sweetness of many contemporary piano pieces.

Also re-bought my French Cafe de Flore CD after my friend lost it (ahem). I only liked and remembered one song in it, and was surprised after my first listen in 3? years that the rest was very sex-laden and bossa nova-ish/lounge-ish. Oh well, all in the name of diversification. Again, not hard to listen to, contains a Brigitte Bardot track, and my favourite track remains one of my favourite French songs.

Have been studying French... sigh. J'ai achete un Ryuichi Sakomoto pour vingt-deux dollars a Ce Magasin de CD hier (le moyen prix a HMV est 60-70 dollars). Ma diversification vient le long tout a fait bien. I got this last sentence from babel fish. *sigh* Eeks I give up. That's my french for today. Pls correct if you spot any mistakes.

Had re-heated brownie & scones (with marmalade) for breakfast at 2pm haha... With English Breakfast tea! Brownies weren't too bad, scones didn't live up to their venerable lineage.

Currently summarizing points on global economic institutions for tuition later. :(

My experiment with art

Ah, 5am in the morning and sick of work. That's precisely when most of us turn into artists. Behold my self-portraits! Sketched in pencil and then photographed using my lousy hp camera!

Those of you who have been through the horrendous mandatory art classes in secondary school with me might doubt my ability to draw anything apart from the evil eye and might therefore be skeptical of my ability to draw as complex and wonderful a being as myself. You'd be right. I er... traced these haha. (Gimme a break k.)

Hmmm there's nothing quite like drawing yourself as the first step in the journey of self-discovery. I never realised I look so Asian, or that my eyes are not as circular as my earlier self-portraits would have me believe. I berate my six year old self for such horrible delusions. Note to self: my eyes do not resemble cookies.

I'll have you know I drew some of you too, but decided I'd better not risk death threats by posting any of your pics.

And if anyone thinks I look better in these drawings than in real life, I say to you, [censored].

Oh yeah, and why I can suddenly post pictures? Turns out once I succumbed to the incessant requests of those poppy-uppy things to update some random thing or other, problem solved. Lesson learnt: don't be a stubborn ass and just click 'I agree'.

I love Mayday!

I really do! I love them so much!

As my darling LSB once charmingly put it, my voice is nothing special. So whenever I want to express myself I turn to the violin. And listening to Mayday songs always makes me want to play the violin. Such a dilemma! To play the violin I have to turn off the song; to continue listening, I can't play the violin! I haven't been able to resolve this yet! How?!?!?! How?!?!?! *panic*