Well, my previous post was obviously (I mean, obvious if you were there) inspired by a discussion some gal friends had last night. I truly felt that their 'standards' for guys - at least those articulated last night - seemed to be specially designed to include only the rich spoilt brats of the world. Of course I know that my friends aren't so shallow as to really mean what they said, and that drinks with the gals is not particularly conducive to sincere, serious conversation, so it was more the circumstances and the place speaking than my friends. Nevertheless, I was a bit quiet and a bit of a wet blanket (I'm sorriiieeeee!) during that conversation because of... well, my beliefs and values and what I've experienced these few weeks.
My dad has always been a slow, cautious driver. My dad therefore wouldn't pass my friends' test (their guys have to drive at least 130-140 on the expressway). When I was young, I used to get really irritated and impatient when my dad drove slowly, but whenever I complained he used to scold me. (and my dad doesn't really scold me, so that's a big thing.) Now I truly feel treasured and loved because I know my dad drives slowly not because he's a lousy driver or because he's scared of driving fast. He drives slowly because he doesn't want anything to happen to us. He would much rather be late or miss an exit than take chances with our lives. Even when people blast their horns and his passengers grumble complain, he's held his course all these years and never wavered. He's also created, with my mum, a very very happy family. I feel very fortunate that all my family members get along with each other and actually enjoy spending time with each other. Yet my dad wouldn't have passed my friends' test.
A few days ago, a man broke down and cried in front of me because of the problems with his wife and children. He's not dumb but he's not Oxbridge material. He doesn't earn enough to afford a car. He's middle-aged and plump and balding and looked like a total wreck when he cried. According to my friends' criteria he wouldn't be worth a second glance (or a 1st for that matter). But I really respect him and I believe his wife made the right choice when she married him.
On a slightly different note, some of you might not know this, but I've recently met up with HG, not once but twice. HG is a guy who, well, crossed a certain line more than a year ago, and I spent more than a year ignoring his calls and smses. Yes, those of you who know about this should know who I'm talking about now. I don't know why he did what he did. Perhaps I gave the wrong signals or maybe he was feeling really lonely or maybe he was just being an ass. I've been annoyed with his persistent attempts to contact me, but I've long forgiven his initial transgression, and I've never actively disliked him. So when I bumped into him earlier this year and he acted decently, I basically renewed my friendship with him. (not that there was much of a friendship at first anyway.) And so far it's been good. He's behaved okay, he's quite nice to talk to, we've discovered a common interest in classical music, and I feel good that our friendship didn't end on a sour note. It's not, as some people seem to assume *ahem*, an attention-seeking thing on my part. I'm not a 'call the crusher and lead him on' kind of person.
It might be that this time he's just taking things slowly and he'll reveal his inner bastard some time down the road. Of course I'm still wary of him, and if it really turns out that way I'll probably have to cut him off again. But you see, the point is I don't believe that just because a guy crosses the line you should be mean to him and sever all ties with him. I don't believe in being unforgiving and merciless, and I don't ever believe that someone's bad behaviour reflects the whole of his personality. Just because a person behaves like a bastard once or twice doesn't mean that he is one.
Anyway, a post like this couldn't leave out LSB, could it? I'll admit, a lot of my criteria for my ideal guy has been heavily influenced by LSB (you should have noticed already, right?). But I don't think LSB is that ideal guy. For one, he might just be a car over house person. LSB is huge spendthrift when it comes to certain things (books & cab), and he's not known for his acute financial planning skills (not in my part of the world anyway). He's also got that 5-year old living in his brain - that same 5-year old that urges him to love football and play computer games - so he might just choose a flashy gadgety car over a nice sensible place to live. LSB can also be self-centered and inconsiderate, and he's not as careful about protecting me from hurt as my dad is. But then again, an ideal guy is only someone I think I could like very much. 'Think' is not 'feel', and our hearts and minds often take very different paths and end up in very different places. So if my ideal guy really appears I might really like him, but I don't know if I would love him.
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