Channelling the blonde

Ya, sometimes I'm kinda bimbotic?

Me: I really wanna buy eye shadow... cos they're colourful and stuff.

Friend commented on the bimbotic-ness of above statement.

Same friend asked: So you really rejected XX company's job offer?
Me: Well... I said no, but actually I meant yes, and they should know that and contact me when I'm feeling better.

Hmmm maybe I was just channelling the female there.

I get a tremendous kick out of Cute Overload as well. I visit the damn site every single day. Strangely enough, I found a Soviet posters site today and I seem to get as much of a kick out of a poster featuring Castro & Khruschev as I would from smooshy puppies and kittens.

I also have an automatic perfume-shopping response that kicks in whenever I enter a departmental store. Hmmm.

Sometimes I think that the only way I know I'm not a bimbo is cos there's an inner voice, this really true, deep and intense voice that wails in despair everytime I act bimbotic. Like, really sadly it cries. Like the rain. Yeah. I like poetry.

Also, check out the huge controversy raging in the UK over the (in)appropriateness of kissing. I'm Asian, and that means there's only a small, select group that I kiss - my soft toys, my LSB, sometimes my mum if it's a big occasion, my soft toys. But I've totally been in that situation, and have been supremely uncomfortable. Kiss or handshake? How many kisses? How do I not cringe away from slurpy kisses? When will this hug end? How do I not get the cooties? Yeah, like, totally.

Men...

http://perfumesmellinthings.blogspot.com/2007/02/from-mouths-of-husbands-true-thoughts.html

I never really believed all the guy stereotypes you hear. But why does the evidence accumulate like this? Are all men truly like LSB? Is there no hope left?

Scariness...

I've been watching scary anime... *cries* I really shouldn't have, but it's all cos I was bored doing LSB's stupid interview! *points accusing finger at LSB*

And then the 1st few episodes were full of suspense and mystery, I just couldn't stop watching because I Had To Find The Answers!

But the whole thing was just so full of gore! Like people being dismembered, disembowelled while conscious, stabbed, beaten to death etc! And people acting weirdly for no reason! And disappearing! And coming back to life after being murdered and buried!

I got so scared I kept MSNing people, who Promptly Ignored Me And Laughed At Me. Hmmpf! Well, if you ever get stalked by a cleaver-wielding psycho, don't come to me. I'll just ignore you and laugh at you too. Same goes for other psycho-stalker variations, eg. cannibalistic stalkers, gun-wielding, torture device-wielding, sinisterly-laughing, seemingly omniscient or omnipotent psychos. Oh, and I'm ignoring you even if all you have is a creepy feeling that you're being watched. Hah! Serves you all right!

I've also been watching animes with interesting formats. There's one where the episodes are broadcast in non-chronological order, so you get to see the 'last' episode somewhere in the middle, and the last episode broadcast is something that happens in the middle of the story. But somehow it all makes sense.

Current scary anime has main characters killing each other and dying violently and mysteriously, then coming back again in a slightly different world and dying/killing in different ways. Though again if you sit through it long enough, you get more clues in each 'arc' and then you finally understand the whole darn thing. It is tremendously satisfying to finally(!!!!!) understand what the hell just happened in the last 20+ episodes that you watched.

Argh last night was so scary, I scrambled into bed and under the covers, but struggled against sleep because... who knows what might happen if I fall asleep........ *sobz* I actually stayed awake through 6-7 tracks on my mp3. (yes, I was playing music to soothe my nerves, but I also had a long debate myself as to whether it was better to stop the music so I wouldn't miss any strange noises in the dark...)

But it's better tonight, because I finally understand what happened! yayness! It's still gross and sick, but I'm no longer (as) afraid!

Frank Sinatra - In The Wee Small Hours of the Morning

more dreams

Last night I dreamt that I was in a rowboat at this huge lake that looked like a swimming pool. And the water was swimming pool-clear, so I could see a HUGE crocodile - it was bigger than my boat! - lying at the bottom of the lake! And there were other crocodiles in the lake as well! And dolphins too! And the dolphins kept butting my boat wanting to play, but I was terrified I'd capsize, and I was terrified the huge crocodile at the bottom of the lake would notice and swim towards me...

Anywayz.

That dream reminded me of another dream I had some time ago. There was a huge lake in the hills behind my house, and there were people playing in it. I waded in with my clothes on, and when it got too deep I swam. And I went as far as I could till finally I'd left the noise behind. Floating in the water, I could only hear the wind and the leaves on the bank, and there was only water around me, and the sun was setting. It was so peaceful and calm, it was like an almost-nirvana experience. And it felt so cathartic to wade out to the middle of a lake in my clothes on a whim. I've never experienced anything like that in real life, so I'd dearly like to go back to that lake again.

Sighz.

Of course after that I realised that it was getting dark and most of the people had left the lake. So I waded out of the lake and made my miserable, drenched way home through the hills. Then I discovered that the paths were covered with little red, green and yellow snakes, and it was impossible to avoid stepping on them. So I squashed millions of those snakes and hoped to hell none of them would bite me. Urgh.

Argh! I just remembered another dream I had last night! A family went on a vacation to hell (literally), which looked like this huge dim underground city with escalators everywhere and (!!!!) an MRT system. Then they were tricked into eating something (a la Persephone) and couldn't leave the place. And there was stuff about time travel to undo the unfortunate ingestion, but no matter how they tried, they could manage to save the parents, but couldn't prevent the kid from eating the food! And it was really difficult, because they couldn't just go back and tell themselves not to eat (you can't meet your past self whilst time-travelling else the universe would collapse), so they had to try to prevent food from reaching their past selves without letting their past selves see them!

Maybe I should write a book based on these huh.

I have strange dreams.

My dreams last night included:

1. A blindfolded archery performance where the objective was not to shoot the apple on a person's head but to shoot the person's forehead. And amazingly enough, after each successful shot, the 'victim' pulls the arrow out of his dented forehead and smiles.

2. A big shopping mall which houses a night market with thousands of exotic small fish.

3. A museum set up by a vengeful actress to detail her turbulent marriage to some guy, and the museum was stocked with arcade games.

4. A small child who survived an explosion, but as a result, could only use 1 of her 5 senses at any one time.

5. A lizard that had been treated as a pet for so long, it started looking like a dog. It grew to poodle-size, grew fur, and had a tendency to bark, beg and wag its tail. However, it retained its lizard tail, albeit covered with fur, and we were always afraid its tail would drop off when it wagged too hard. It also liked to sit on people's shoulders.

The last nightmare I had was about vampires. They were attacking us, and you couldn't kill them except by thoroughly burning them. I was attacked in my house, and resorted to burning the vampires on the stove. It was so nightmarish. :( Pushing the screaming vampires on the stove and making sure they continued burning... And the vampire bodies waiting to be burnt kept stacking up beside me, and they kept waking up and trying to eat me. :(

We're all Anne Franks now.

I was reading the latest entry on riverbendblog.

How is it that a border no one can see or touch stands between car bombs, militias, death squads and… peace, safety? It’s difficult to believe- even now.

I sit here and write this and wonder why I can’t hear the explosions.I wonder at how the windows don’t rattle as the planes pass overhead. I’m trying to rid myself of the expectation that armed people in black will break through the door and into our lives. I’m trying to let my eyes grow accustomed to streets free of road blocks, hummers and pictures of Muqtada and the rest…

How is it that all of this lies a short car ride away?

While reading I couldn't shake the sense that I've read something like this before, a long time ago. Not the same, but similar. Then I realised.

another round!

LSB's been nice to me lately, so people, think nice thoughts of him!

Also, something's wrong. Dear world, I'm ungainfully unemployed. This means I'm supposed to be wondering what I'm supposed to do all day and tearing my hair out with boredom, thus leading to premature balding, thus prompting a job search to end my follicular frustrations. Do you follow my impeccable logic, world? However, something's wrong. I'm busy. And tired. So tired that I'm conking out on the sofa at 8pm (!!!!!) and waking at midnight. To work. To work!!!!! This is unheard of. And wrong. What's the point of being unemployed nowadays? What happened to my rights as an ungainfully unemployed person? I shall not let this rest, mark my words.

But dear world, if you really can't manage a proper unemployed life for me, I'll settle for an evil smooshy-faced kitten instead.

Let the people write their laws! : The democratic potential of the Internet

NZ police let public write laws
New Zealanders have been given the chance to write their own laws, with a new online tool launched by police.

virtual freedom

Burma cyber-dissidents crack censorship
Burma's bloggers are using the internet to beat censorship, and tell the world what is happening under the military junta's veil of secrecy.

Then again,

Burmese riot police attack monks

The latest is, I think, that tear gas has been used.

Well, what did you expect? It was sooner or later.

The hype a while ago was all about the ASEAN Charter and the human rights component, now it's all about monks in Burma. Either a watered down ASEAN Charter or (against all odds) a strong Charter that is largely ignored. The world's a sad place. :(

blah-ness

I took sleepy meds and waiting for them to kick in.

I found my old appointment card! From 1984! When I was a baby!

It was issued by the Royal Aberdeen Children's Hospital!

My doctor was called Dr White!

I had an appointment at 11.15am, 14 Mar 1984!

Hmmm I wonder what the appointment was for...

Funny thing is the card reads "Bring this card with you on every visit. NEVER destroy it."

Hehehe I wonder what they'd think if they knew my parents took those instructions literally. I wonder what they'd think if I flew over and made an appointment and brought that card along. I wonder who Dr White was, whether he's still there, and what my appointment was for. Maybe the hospital isn't even there anymore.

It's so exciting! I don't remember anything of my time in the UK, and every little relic of that long-ago life is kind of like the archaelogical find of the century to me.

When I first discovered Google Earth the first thing I did was to find the house my parents lived in when I was born.

.... ok medicine just kicked in.

Coming out

The 'coming out' letter of gay RI teacher Otto Fong is probably the most touching, courageous piece of writing I've read in a long time. One can only imagine the pressure he must feel now.

And in a little aside, by now it must be manifestly clear to all that making someone delete his blog post doesn't mean the article disappears. It's the Internet. Du-uh.

Sigh I'm unexpectedly free because stupid LSB cancelled on me.

China's Internet

Chinese web filtering 'erratic'

China's firewall that tries to sanitise web browsing is much more porous than previously thought, says a study.

The firewall was least effective when lots of Chinese web users were online.

It's already known that self-censorship, not Chinese censorship technology, is what plays the major role in curtailing controversial discussions online. And if technology is least effective in its censorship when more people are using the Net, then what happens when increasing numbers start going online?

In the 15 Jun 2006 edition of the Economist, an article talks about how PRC propaganda has become less effective because of the Internet. I remember an example of this, something about people participating in an online poll to evaluate a government official's remarks.

I also remember posting a link on this blog about John Howard's Youtube video asking people to refrain from protesting at the recent APEC summit. Which is sort of funny? I don't know, it's just strange to think of a PM posting his own Youtube video alongside bored university students posting videos of themselves doing stupid things. (maybe it's a case of a paranoid PM posting a video of himself doing a stupid thing) It's almost irreverent, somehow. Or maybe I'm just stuck in the old Singaporean mindset of politics as a serious and dignified profession. Hmmm I need to immerse myself in talkingcock a bit more. Or maybe I need to focus on the image of the Taiwanese parliament. Or Bush Jr's face.

Wasn't I talking about China? I need to stop rambling. *yawnz*

Descartes and Spinoza

This is all LSB's fault. *blames boyfriend indiscriminately*

I've been reading:

- Roger Scruton's A Short History of Modern Philosophy: From Descartes to Wittgenstein, 2nd ed.
- Joan A. Price's Philosophy Through the Ages

I'm not a philo person, even though I must say I'm very attracted to philo books, largely because they tend to be on the extreme end of incomprehensible. I've studied some philosophers before, but largely in context of political thought or political ideology, hardly conducive to the mind-numbing finger-gnawing zen state I wish to achieve. My knowledge of philosophy is very very rudimentary.

So I've decided to study them philosophers a bit more systematically, starting with Descartes. I'm giving the ancients a wide berth because (and this is my own theory) they're so distant and difficult to relate to.

I've made it through Descartes & Spinoza, and for the sake of consolidation, have (largely) paraphrased what I have learnt below. I don't know if I've understood everything perfectly, and would appreciate (if any of you make it through) any corrections.

Ok *deep breath* let's do this before I get lazy.

Descartes

The starting point: take nothing for granted.

- What if an evil genius had deceived me into thinking what I think?
- If such a genius exists, then I don't know if this world is real, or if I am myself real.
- How can I know the truth? I cannot trust my senses. I can only trust the 'natural light of reason'.

'Cogito ergo sum.'

- What can I ascertain is necessarily true?
- To start with, the moment I think 'I exist', I must necessarily exist. The thought 'I exist' is self-verifying because I have to exist in order to think that thought.
- It is also necessarily true that I think. For even if I think that I don't think, in that very act of doubt, I am thinking.

Distinction between Body and Soul (Mind)

- I know that I exist as a thing that thinks.
- I find that every other thing about me can change except my ability to think. I cannot conceive of myself as not thinking, but my body can grow old, or I can lose a leg or my sight.
- Therefore my body is not of essence to me; my mind is my essence.
- Therefore I could conceivably exist (as a 'soul') after my body has ceased.
- Therefore, I am a substance which involves thinking; I endure through change. But my physical form is an attribute which can change without altering the substance.

God: The Cosmological Argument

- Something cannot come from nothing; more cannot come from less. Ideas are effects and have causes.
- I do not have perfect knowledge because I doubt. Therefore I am imperfect. Yet I have the idea of perfection (God).
- Where did my idea of perfection come from? My idea of perfection is an effect of something. There must be a cause of this idea of perfection.
- The idea of perfection cannot come from my imperfect self. The idea of perfection must come from perfection, i.e. God.

The Honest God

- Since God is perfect, and since intuitively, we know that deceit stems from imperfection, we know that God cannot be the evil genius we hypothesized earlier.
- Since God does not seek to deceive us, this means that if we use our reason and our senses (given to us by God for that very purpose) to their greatest ability, we will perceive the truth.

Objections to Descartes

The Existence of Error

- If God does not deceive, why does he allow the possibility of error?
- Descartes' answer: Error occurs when we choose to assent to an idea that is not the perceived through the 'natural light of reason'.
- Scruton: "Human error is therefore the necesary consequence of human freedom, and this seeming evil is part of a real and greater good." (33)

The Evil Genius Objection (The Cartesian circle)

- If the perfect God exists, then we know that our God-given faculty of reason will lead us to the truth. However, we only 'know' that the perfect God exists through our faculty of reason. Our conclusion that God exists depends on the reliability of our reason, which depends on God existing in the first place.

The Mind-Body Problem

- If the mind and body are separate, how do they interact with each other? How is it that the mind and body are joined in one person? ie. what is to prevent mind and body from going their own separate ways?
- Descartes: the soul is joined to the whole body through the pineal gland.
- But how can the non-physical mind be joined to the body through a physical gland? Doesn't this return to the question of how the mind can be connected to the physical body (or part of it)?

The First-Person Privilege

- Descartes assumes that while I cannot be sure of the world around me, I have a privileged knowledge of what I think and feel. My mind thinks exactly what it thinks it thinks. Is this necessarily true?

The Illusion of the Idea of Perfection

- Do we truly have an idea of perfection? Or do we merely have an idea of the 'extremely good' or 'extremely desirable'? What does perfection mean?

Spinoza

Substance

- Spinoza was a descendant of Descartes (who was in turn a descendant of Aristotle).
- Recall Descartes' arguments about 'substance'
- Spinoza argued that a substance is entirely self-contained. It depends on nothing outside itself for its existence; it is not caused by anything, but is its own cause.
- Therefore, only God is a substance, for God is his own cause (causa sui).

God: Thought and Extension

- Spinoza argues that God is a substance with infinite attributes, and all God's attributes are infinite. Hence all attributes are attributes of God's. These include the attributes of 'extension' in space (matter) and thought.
- While God might have attributes besides extension and thought, because we are finite, we can only know these two attributes of God.
- Because both thought and extension are attributes of God, we can comprehend God through thought and extension.

God and Nature

- When we comprehend God through extension, we understand him as 'Nature'. When we comprehend God through thought, we know him as 'God'. Because both thought and extension each constitute the essence of God, each "present[s] to the intellect a full and adequate [clearly & distinctly true] idea of what God is." (Scruton, 51)
- God and Nature are the same.

Solving Descartes' Mind-Body Problem

- Since thought and extension are both essences of God, there is no difference between them.
- Our finite minds are part of God's infinite thought, and our finite bodies are part of God's infinite extension.
- Thus we are but expressions of God.
- Thus my mind is the same as my body.
- I perceive my mind and body to be different only because the modes of thought and extension present me with different pictures. When I use the mode of thought to understand myself, I perceive myself as 'mind'; when I use the mode of extension, I perceive myself as 'body'.
- Scruton's analogy: "When I look at a picture I see physical objects: patches of pigment smeared on a canvas. And I can describe these objects so thoroughly as to account for the entire picture. ... the other thing I see: a stag hunt passing before a country house. This too I could describe so thoroughly as to give a complete account of the picture. But the two accounts are incommensurable... I cannot describe the lead hound as frantically pursuing a patch of ochre." (53)

The Problem of Free Will

- Since both thought and matter stem from the divine substance (God), everything happens not by chance but by necessity.
- Thoughts must relate to each other in a series of logical, necessary steps. (eg. mathematical proofs)
- Matter too, must relate to each other in a necessary sequence. Events follow each other ina necessary sequence.
- The implication for humans is that, being mere expressions of God, we too are the effects and not causes, as are our actions and thoughts. Since only God is able to 'cause', we are not able to cause anything, and therefore it would seem that we have no free will.
- If there is no freedom to act or think differently, the idea of morality collapses. To judge someone as good or bad, one must believe that that person could have caused himself to act differently.

Spinoza's Freedom

- Spinoza argues that the distinction between free/unfree is not the same as that between caused/uncaused.
- To react in an emotional way is to react passively because we endure emotions. When I am passive I am therefore not free.
- Since the mode of thought and the mode of extension correspond to each other, for every adequate idea (thought), there is an ideatum (extension).
- Thus it makes sense that a person who is more physically active has more adequate ideas of his behaviour and the causes of his behaviour.
- A free person is one who masters his emotions (passivity) and has adequate ideas about the world. He understands the world better, and thus understands God better.
- The free person who masters his passions understands the world and thus grows to love it. Since the world is God, he also loves God, not in a passive emotional way, but in an intellectual way.
- Thus the way to happiness and freedom is through the refinement of the intellect and the mastery of emotions.

I definitely died while trying to get through Spinoza. Sighz.

productive day!

I managed to wake at 9am!

I practised both the piano and the violin! The violin especially, since I fully expect to have to retake my Grade 8 exam.

Completed all the admin stuff I wanted to complete!

Bought mooncakes for LSB's family!

Ascertained that the CD I want can only be found at HMV for the exorbitant price of SGD35!

Tortured myself and the apple of my eye and pearl on my palm for a full half hour!

Read secondary literature on Descartes and finally got down to a more systematic study of the history of mental acrobatics!

Researched the UN Secretary-General so as to better spoonfeed my tuition kid!

Managed to listen to Sibelius Violin Concerto D minor!

Planned my schedule for tomorrow!

Damn, you know, usually I only get one of these done each day.

蔡琴 不了情 新不了情 蔡琴不了情2007經典歌曲香港演唱會

You've gotta admit, the older singers have that something extra.

spoilt brat

Argh I'm acquiring expensive tastes.

I've fallen in love with a perfume that costs $148 for the smallest bottle (30ml). Sure, Sisley's Eau du Soir might make people sneeze, and everyone else seems to hate the scent, but I really really like it. I've no idea why. It's something about how the scent lingers on... sighz.

And gone are the days when I think spending more than 30 on shoes is splurging. I spent 65 on a pair of rubber slippers! 65! Rubber slippers! 65! Rubber slippers! I could repeat that endlessly and it still wouldn't make sense to me. 65 (!) and rubber slippers (!) just don't go together.

And I bought a pair of painful heels for 90! 90! 90!

Shoe shopping now takes place at departmental stores. And I was *this* close to buying flats for 80 bucks today.

Help me! Maybe I should just get married and live off my poor sad husband :(

police monitor figurine protest

Mwahahaha stole these links from LSB's blog.

Anime figurine protesters meet real police

「ODEX倒す！！」: The Making Of

Our drill will thrust through the heavens!

Then again, the figurine protesters are really scary and have superpowers and all, so maybe the police were just erring on the side of caution hehehe...

Bianca Ryan from America's Got Talent

Youtube

Howard posts YouTube Apec appeal
Australian Prime Minister John Howard has posted a video on YouTube appealing to people not to join violent protests during the Apec summit in Sydney.