Thoughts

It's rare that I'm glad to hear from these religious types, but I am in this case.

Very unexpectedly, the most rewarding part of my job has been managing staff, and yet I also consider this to have been my greatest failure.

Managing staff has been one of the most difficult and time-consuming things I've had to do, and my patience has been sorely tried. But it is gratifying to see recalcitrant staff respond after months and months of coaching and confidence-building, even if it is just the slightest improvement. It is also very gratifying to know that to some extent, they see someone who is 'different' from previous supervisors. Of course I'm realistic enough to know that once I leave, they'll forget me very quickly, and if I make a mistake and generate more work for them, they'll definitely whine my ears off and complain very loudly about me behind my back. Still, I know that in my unit, the relationship between supervisor and subordinates has never been better.

On the other hand, I truly regret that in some cases I overplayed my hand. I got too close to some staff and now they don't truly regard me as a supervisor. It doesn't affect me, but it will affect them if they don't change. Another nagging worry is that I failed to put in a sustainable system, and once I'm gone, the new person has to start all over again, and everything that was achieved just disappears.

My problem seems to be that I can't properly work on anything unless I'm fully invested, and once that happens, I find it hard to let go. I can't believe I spend so much of my time worrying about what's going to happen to the affairs under my charge once I leave.