Introductory post

I always knew I'd go public again, so here I am!

--Orientation--

Yep, my course is finally starting!

Orientation's been draining, because there's too much socializing (aka networking), which I don't mind in small portions, but THIS is way too much. I've come to realize that I really value my privacy, personal space and solitude. I get miserable and tired out by all this hand-shaking, so all I want now is solitude and rest and peace. Looks like I won't be going out till I recover.

--Academic--

I've got a feeling I'm in for a lot of frustration in class. The significant percentage of military/defence personnel suggests a predominantly realist class. And while I don't deny the relevance and applicability of realist theories, I don't find realist theories very attractive. Even if in some contexts, they may be very useful.

Realism, it seems to me, is not intellectually satisfying. (And I'm aware that 'realism' is not a monolith. There're 'better' realisms and 'worse' realisms.) This doesn't mean that I think realism has no explanatory value. It merely means I think realism isn't really much fun.

Class discussions frustrate me because even though I know that discussions are more like brainstorming sessions, it irks me that there is seldom any intellectual rigour in examining issues. It also irks me that some people assume that one can tell which theories/opinions are 'right' or 'wrong' simply through a discussion/roundtable. It irks me that such discussions are seldom comprehensive. It irks me that even though it's a brainstorming session (effectively), people are seldom willing to travel down strange, unfamiliar paths. It irks me that air-time is not given to the most considered opinions, but to the loudest voices.

And now the class includes people who are used to getting themselves heard. Yay.

It's worse, of course, when opinions are raised that go against my inclinations (which are not a product of rational, logical thought, but of personal, almost instinctual preference). Hence the dismay at the potentially realist inclinations of the majority of the class.

I know I'm socially liberal, academically postmodernist. Not that I'm a postmodernist by any measure, but that I'm drawn towards ideas with a postmodern flavour (but are not necessarily postmodern). Even though I may reject such ideas in the end (for whatever reason). Ok, enough qualifications.

I prefer an eclectic approach to international relations, and I seem to have found something approximating that through the structure proposed by the English School. I'm aware, of course, that the English School is not able to accomodate all theories/paradigms/povs. Critical theory, for example (if we discount developments from the 1980s). Postmodernism (in its various guises). And even though I am aware of failings of the English School, I do hope to learn more about it.

The readings aren't that bad (I hope. I haven't looked). The workload in terms of readings is comparable to my honours year workload. However, how heavy the course is depends on whether I really have no choice but to read the darn things. In my honours year I er... took a rather liberal view on the readings (ie. each person - and I'm assuming rationality - knows what's best for him/her, and is therefore free to do what he/she wants), so the readings weren't really a problem. So I'm really really really hoping that this place allows me the same... flexibility.

Anyway, many people have asked me why I have chosen to take this route. I tend to fudge and evade such questions. But basically, this is my version of seeing the world.

--Music--

My violin teacher is pushing me to do Grade 8 next year. Grade 8! I'm not prepared for it at all. I still close my eyes and stop listening myself when I hit those high notes (and my definition of 'high notes' has changed throughout the years. Once it meant 2 octaves above middle C). My bowing still sucks. My teacher still discreetly leaves the room when I play a difficult piece. The horror!

I'll consider. But I also have to consider that if I don't do it next year, I won't have the chance again.

And my piano's been neglected.

Surprisingly, my temp-ing has exposed me to all sorts of music. I actually recognize singers and titles these days (some of the time).