Eternity

I'm hell-bent on finishing the dissertation by today. Even if it means overlooking the serious flaws and logical fallacies. I just need to get something out. Right now. Even if I don't sleep. Even though I'm also watching endless episodes of Scrubs. But never mind that.

What I don't get is why at this moment, 5am in the morning and nowhere close to finishing the godforsaken dissertation, I'm wondering how the hell anyone's supposed to have eternal life/experience eternity. Cos I won't have lived for an eternity till I've lived until the end of eternity, but if I've lived until the end of eternity, then I wouldn't have lived for an eternity cos eternity has no end. Right? Unless by eternity you mean the absence of time. But my poor mortal brain can't envision living without time (or deadlines, for that matter). I mean, without time, how do you... move? Or do anything? And without time, how can you have eternity? Isn't eternity supposed to be endless time? I'm sure physics has some answer to this, perhaps something to do with curved time-space or black holes or... you know, whatever.

It's like, I don't think any of us knows what true eternity or true nothingness is. I really don't know what infinity looks like. If there's such a thing. And you know, when I think about the universe (on the rare occasion that I do think about the universe), I get a little confused. Things I've figured out: the universe is like, really big. It's got plenty of stuff in it. But then, what's outside the universe? More stuff? But what's beyond that stuff? Or maybe outside the universe there's nothing? But then how can something exist within nothing? Or maybe the universe is all there is? So it's like, never-ending? Or maybe it wraps around itself infinitely (that word again!)? Like a roll of cloth that never ends? Or maybe the concept of space doesn't make sense when talking about the universe? Or perhaps everything is just a nothing that has expanded? So actually, everything is just a very big nothing? Does any of this make sense? I don't know man. It's strange to think that there's something out there so big, something that we don't really know much about (well, I don't know much about). Hell, I shouldn't even be thinking about this.